Family dynamics

[Positivepeter]

Posted here before but grateful for independent opinion. I'm not sure if I expect too much.

F51 and sibling F49. Both a little emotionally unavailable. She is extremely negative and sucks the life from you, I'm driven and a bit in your face. Thought we sort of got on. Would never go out together and phone for casual chat but would be there for each other. Someone once commented that we didn't really get on which I was taken back by as I always thought we did.

She has two children, we have none. Looked after them every other weekend for eleven years so she could work.

Misunderstanding in August and since then they are not staying at ours. My mum let's slip they are at hers. Totally blanked us. Have seen them twice as they are old enough to WhatsApp although they will have to get permission. Her husband (wet lettace) dropped them off.

People have always said she is jealous of us ( something she strongly denies,) as she is in a dead end marriage, tied to her stressful job due to pension and has young children, where we are childless, both in good jobs and look like we have the freedom to do what we want, when we want.

Suspect that she now feels she doesn't have to tolerate us in order for childcare so true feelings come out.

Is it normal to have a close relationship with a sibling or do most just tolerate each other.

They are currently on holiday. Grandmother getting lots of photos, we used to. Is it normal not to send to family members. Am I being unreasonable feeling left out

Are most people in their fifties living an independent life of their siblings or are you part of the same family dynamics.

Who are the people who say she is jealous of you

becuade it sounds as if you don’t like her or her husband

Tbh you're sounding quite judgemental about her life and marriage. If you come across to her the way you have on here I'm not surprised she's finally had enough and ditched you

I only see my siblings for specific reasons, so three or four times a year maybe?
When all our children were young we'd see each other more for birthdays or at our parents but the eldest are at uni & the youngest at secondary school so they're all v different & not interested in getting together.

Maybe you're expecting a different kind of relationship to your sister

I don't think there is any normal for adults siblings. Some get on well and some don't.

She always says she hates her job, never got any money, has a hopeless husband who leaves everything to her. She has nothing positive to say about life in general which is why she cones as so negative and hard to be around. Every solution has a problem or if you look at the worse case scenario you won't be disappointed are her quotes

What was the misunderstanding that resulted in you not having the children to stay anymore? Is this why she has distanced herself?

There's no normal when it comes to families. I have three siblings. I cannot get on with one of them at all and we speak rarely. Another I speak to when I have to and another I do go out with and speak to regularly.

I would just move on. She's got a bee in her bonnet about something, let her get on with it.

Well you could not do what you wanted, when you wanted, when you looked after her dc. Now you can so think yourself lucky. Barely speak to my siblings. No reason to and they don’t like me and we are very very different people. In our case they avoided our very old DM for years. Did not visit her in hospital and left everything to me to sort out.One didn’t come to her 100 th birthday she’s so selfish. DDs and my DH were appalled. So what’s the point of them? DM died and they don’t want to know us. So be it. DDs don’t contact their cousins any more either as they didn’t see their granny on her birthday either. They got a decent chunk of her estate though. Families that don’t care aren’t worth anything.