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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I bad mum for thinking this

23 replies

rainingitspouring2 · 29/10/2024 16:51

I spend a large chunk of my day daydreaming about going away on a solo trip or holiday just to rest and do as I please for 3/4 days.
I have a 2 year and 4 year. The youngest co sleeps and still feeds to sleep despite our best efforts to keep her in her bed in her room. She only wants me - my DH cannot help despite trying she lies on top of me and is glued to me all day long.
I am a SAHM and the constant care giver. My DH is Flexi about me having time to go away if I need it and even suggested it. I spoke to my family and NCT friends about it and they said they personally wouldn't leave their child at that age for more then 1 night.
I just need to re-set and for her to get used to DH and get her away from my boobs tbh.
AIBU to want this escape and alone time now I am a mum?

OP posts:
MiriamMay · 29/10/2024 16:54

You are not being unreasonable at all and if are in the position to be able to do this then go for it. You will be a better mum for having a rest and time to clear you mind.

MiriamMay · 29/10/2024 16:55

That’s not to say you are not already a good mum. There a saying which says that in order to rescue those around you you have to put your own oxygen mask on first.

5128gap · 29/10/2024 16:56

If it helps both my DD and Ddil have been away for several nights a few times without DC younger than yours and they are amazing mums with well adjusted secure children. Mums need to take care of themselves and recharge, because you can't look after your DC when you're running on empty. Your DC will very fine with their dad, and you can get some strength back.

thaegumathteth · 29/10/2024 16:58

I never left mine but I did fantasise about having a minor accident that wasn't that bad but put me in hospital for a few days so I had to be alone and nobody could complain!

So no, I don't think you're unreasonable at all

Stichintime · 29/10/2024 16:59

Not unreasonable to want it, but only if you'd tried everything else. The problem is the affect it will have on her. I think it's quite possible the time away will make her more insecure and clingy. I think 3-4 days is really too much. You say you have tried everything, but I think that there will be something that works if you persevere.

DelurkingAJ · 29/10/2024 16:59

I’m afraid I think that says more about their DH than it says about you. Of course if you leave DC with the other loving competent parent it’s not a problem! If you can’t do that then I think you have a problem with the other parent!

Newmumtods · 29/10/2024 17:00

My friends child wouldn’t wean and wouldn’t sleep without being next to friend. It was exhausting for her. 22 month old DD

She was told to go away for the weekend and DD would be forced to take cowsmilk rather than boob and have to sleep without mum.

It worked. She took cows milk by day 2 and started sleeping in her cot.

You’re not a bad mum.

JLou08 · 29/10/2024 17:04

Nothing wrong with it at all. I think most of us want it and would go for it if we knew they would be safe and well looked after whilst we were away. I agree with PP that people who have issue with this probably feel that way because they don't feel their child would be well looked after by their dad.

Danikm151 · 29/10/2024 17:05

She wants you because she knows you’re there.
1 night is not going to hurt.

could you look into nursery a couple of days a week for a few hours? Give you a chance to recharge and her to get used to other people apart from you?

Original poster
rainingitspouring2 · 29/10/2024 17:06

Danikm151 · 29/10/2024 17:05

She wants you because she knows you’re there.
1 night is not going to hurt.

could you look into nursery a couple of days a week for a few hours? Give you a chance to recharge and her to get used to other people apart from you?

She does twice a week but reduced hrs and I do some part time work but other than that I am always home.

OP posts:
Allswellthatendswelll · 29/10/2024 17:13

Why would this make you a bad mother?

We started leaving DS for a few nights with my parents from the age I stopped feeding to sleep (about 14 months). I also left him for the odd night with DH if I was invited to something and wanted to stay at a friend's.This summer when he turned 3 I left him for six nights to go on a girls trip (mixture of parents and DH). I am super lucky to have a village but also my chid has a competent other patent and so do yours.

Maybe book a trip away and have this as a goal to night wean your two year old? Or go away for a night or two and let DH get her to sleep without to break the cycle.

Victoriancat · 29/10/2024 17:15

Totally normal!

DoctorAngelface · 29/10/2024 17:17

No, it doesn't make you a bad mum. I did years and years of co parenting. I was always relieved when I got to stand down my duties because the dad was having DC!

pecanroll · 29/10/2024 17:19

Well I actually do it..... 🤷‍♀️

WannabeMathematician · 29/10/2024 17:23

I would do it. I never did as there was no one to take my LO for a few days but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t! I think I would have been a much better parent at that point if I’d had a break.

jeaux90 · 29/10/2024 17:28

OP I went back to work and traveled when my DD15 was 5 months old. (No choice as a lone parent)

She is a lovely well adjusted teen.

Nothing will happen if you take a few days. Seriously, just do it.

moose62 · 29/10/2024 17:33

I left my 7 month old with my mother for a week whilst I was away and then left my children when they were 4 and 1 with my husband for another week whilst I was away. Everything was fine, everyone muddled through....just do it.

Fluufer · 29/10/2024 17:36

Book yourself a lovely long weekend away! 2 is plenty old enough for a competent dad to manage for a few days. Not really sure why your family and friends wouldn't - perhaps they choose shit dads for their own kids.
Don't expect it to magically fix the sleep though - my 2yo spends a weekend bunked up with his brothers and friends DS, sleeps like a log, comes home and he's still a limpet.

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 29/10/2024 17:46

You're not leaving your child, she'll be with her other parent. It sounds like you need it and your husband is fully supportive (rightly so).
I'm currently at a spa, it doesn't mean I don't love my son or that I'm a bad parent!!

Pashazade · 29/10/2024 21:15

Just do it. You're not a bad mother and if you're struggling to function it's not helping them. Honestly take a couple of nights somewhere you can just be peaceful. I went to a gorgeous shepherds hut by myself a few times when ds was younger. No wifi, read my book and enjoyed the silence, it was bliss!

Ilovelurchers · 29/10/2024 21:19

You will be leaving her with her dad - she will be fine! Honestly, do it - it will benefit your mental health so much. And at that age, happy parents = happy children!

It will be nice for your partner to have that bonding time with the kids too I would think.....

FictionalCharacter · 29/10/2024 21:22

Do it. They have a father who is willing to look after them alone for a few days - take him up on the offer.
It’s incredibly sad that anyone thinks they’re a bad mum for letting their husband look after his own kids for a little while.
I left mine with DH for a weekend when they were very little to look after my mum when she was ill. I would have been very annoyed if anyone had tried to guilt trip me into not going.

Pinkmoonshine · 29/10/2024 21:25

I think this is a good idea and I say that as someone who was constantly there for my kids non stop.

thing is they do grow up and leave you eventually so it’s good to keep a hold of who you are without them. And get some rest!

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