Neighbour neglecting kids

[Superdupertired]

I moved into my house in April and naturally made friends with my neighbour something I have never done before. Lovely lady but lots of issues (history of domestic violence and she was abused as a child) she’s been drinking since Friday left the oldest daughter home alone with no food. I knocked on the door this morning to check on them as when I left her last night she was drunk and was opening another bottle. Youngest girl was washing up sink and the mum is still in bed.

Shes driving drunk everywhere the kids never seem to have any hot dinners. I’ve just said to my husband if anything ever happens to them kids it my fault aswell for not speaking up.

What on earth do I do? I questioned her over leaving the oldest for 3 days on her own and she said I know I’m a bad mum aren’t I.

Won’t bother repeating what all the other posts say but I think you’re right when you say that if anything happens to them you’ll also be at fault for staying silent.

I don’t mean to sound harsh but why are you having to ask if you should report a neglectful drunk?

I do appreciate how difficult this is for you.

Have you considered calling the police anonymously the next time she gets in the car with her kids.

Once they catch her this will trigger SS involvement.

You could also contact your local SS dept and tell them your predicament- explain how you do not want her to know it’s you etc - see what they say

I'd speak to NSPCC they will refer for you & you can still be anonymous

They don't report anonymously.

Just tell her you are making a report of concern for her children, and do it, god forbid if you had your own life ruined if something happened to them.

I went on a safeguarding course recently.

They said that the safeguarding of children is everyone's responsibility and shouldn't be ignored.

You need to report it!

Oh for god's sake

Stop worrying about her knowing it's you, her KIDS are at risk. It's about them, not you. Call social services asap.

Agree too.

Who cares if she knows the OP did a report as well? It’s not about the mother or the OP, it’s about making sure a couple of neglected kids get some proper help.

I would have said report until I saw an incident when a Neighbour did report and police/social services did nothing. Person knew it was the neighbour and cut off all contact and kids had no one to look out for them (neighbour used to take round cakes and do some school runs)

I think I would make a call (police) when she was driving. Say she’s drunk driving and nearly caused an accident and hope they pick up on it. Alternatively I would ask a family member to report it to the school, saying they saw her in the car drunk.

cowardly? Yes. Should it be done that way? no

However you are the only one able to pop over and check on them, offer them food and look out for them. I would not want to jeopardise that.

My BF’s parents used to do this to him and decades later it still upsets him when he thinks about it. FFS do something to protect those poor girls.

Your situation is indeed tricky, but believe me if mum has a history of DV and abuse as a child those children are at high risk of experiencing this themselves from her, there's probably alot you are not seeing - just think about that. And the fact the girls was washing up speaks to me that she's taken on the mother role. (And before anyone bites I'm not saying everyone whose experiences this goes on to do it themselves but statistically and in practice it is well established link). If she's leaving them for three days without food this is NEGLECT. The youngest is nine years old! The repercussions of this on their own lives both now and in the future is potentially devastating too. Also she could kill herself, her kids, member of the public drink driving.
Put your big girl pants on and ring your local safeguarding children's line - if it gets her the support she needs at the least that's a major positive.

Be those children’s voice. Make some calls. You know it is the right thing. You are doing it for all of them as it sounds like mum needs help too. Don’t be the person who ignored children in need.

We've seen only too starkly with the Sarah Sharif case what can happen when neighbours don't act on legitimate concerns. Please report this.

Keeping children safe is EVERYONES responsibility. You are not interfering or being a nosy neighbour. Reporting concerns- it doesn't even have to be abuse- concerns can help those children to be safe.

Report your concerns- and report them every time a new occasion and concern arises. With the bigger picture from school, GP, the children's voices and your concerns, social services can make much better informed decisions. Nothing will be done based on just your information, but it's so important for the bigger picture.

Well done for noticing- Google your local area's child safeguarding team. And I would phone their schools asap and ask to meet with the designated safeguarding leads too.

they will keep your id private if you don't tell them who you are, although they of course say who they are

Children's Services won't swoop in and take her kids away. They will offer help, support and guidance with a mild dose of cold, hard reality about the possible consequences of her abdication of her parental duties. It does sound like that's exactly what she - and especially her children, more importantly - need. Time to be brave OP.

I'd pull away immediately from the friendship and call SS anonymously. At least then you don't have to feel like you're betraying a friend.

Like others have said, anyone could have reported them as children tell adults all sorts of things. Especially the 9 year old.

Being a young child around an alcoholic is terrifying and does a lot of long term damage, never mind the fact that the poor children are being neglected 😭. This is so upsetting. Please op, be those kids voices and report. They need help.

Those poor children 😭😭😭

Who cared if she knows it's you? Why do you value the opinion of such an awful woman?

The driving drunk sounds like the biggest, most immediate problem. You can tip the police off, I believe, if you know she's driving drunk. That might well trigger social services getting involved anyway if the kids are in the car.

If you're so concerned about her finding out it's you then give a fake name when you report it!

Unless you have unlimited time money and emotional capacity, I'd distance yourself from your new friend. Because people like her rely on people like you to keep them from hitting rock bottom. They continue to do as they do, knowing you are providing a safety net. Your care and concern for her children is a green light to be 'a terrible mum' because you will look out for her children. This will eacalate. Yes you should report the neglect, but don't expect a magic bullet. The bar is low for meaningful intervention and I doubt you will find it satisfactory. So think hard about how much of the gap you can and are prepared to fill and set your boundaries.

You know what you need to do OP.
You may bear the brunt of this mum's anger, but you may have saved the life of her children (or anyone else on the roads) which is ultimately more important.