Teaching colleague Dad will not let her take mental health sick leave?

[lokngt53]

Teaching colleague is 24 and lives with her parents, she has told me she could never go on mental health related sick leave as the idea would horrify her Dad. She says her Dad is very old fashioned and talks about when he was her age he was working down the mine 12 hours a day and her great grandfather fought in the world war. The idea of being paid while not at work would make him so angry.

My colleague is mentally fine by the way, she isn't thinking about needing to take time off work but her Dad's attitude makes me feel worried for her?

AIBU to advice her its best if she moves out?

Your colleague is an adult and if she is in a position to move out, then she can do that and
take whatever leave she feels she needs.

its nice that you have concern for her, but again she is an adult. If she wants independence, then that’s her call

if not, then a lot of the viewpoints of whoever is paying for the roof over her head has a place. I don’t agree with it. But it’s not my parent and it’s not my life. Nor yours. Advise if you wish. But I’m not sure I understand the whatabouttery.

YABU to advise her to move out. You have absolutely no idea the home dynamics and it's an overstep. Just because her dad's an old fashioned stuck in the mud, you've no idea the coping strategies she has developed or even her views etc.

colleague is mentally fine by the way, she isn't thinking about needing to take time off

So isn't the point you're making moot?

She might feel like that but then the situation comes up and he changes his tune. Some people do when confronted with a situation with a loved one over a stranger or a hypothetical situation.

It's not your place to advice her to move out. The most is to file it away in your mind so if you do ever think she is struggling and not getting help you can then offer advice. But right now is just sticking your beak in.

I highly doubt she lives there by choice but rather because she can't afford, like many young people, to move out

I’m sure if your friend was actually in need of sick leave for her mental health her dad would recognise this and change his tune. Most people do when they come face to face with the reality of mental illness.

you want to advise a colleague to move out of home because her dad doesn’t agree with sick leave? I actually think it’s one of your business really. Don’t mean to sound harsh but it isn’t and I think you’re really over reacting

So you’re upset at a hypothetical situation that doesn’t affect you. You think the best course of action is tell this adult she should move out.

Honestly OP you’re worse than her dad could ever be.

The dad might feel differently if he was faced with her having an actual mental illness. It can be very different to what people say hypothetically.

Dramatic much?

My parents didn’t agree with sick leave. They didn’t really agree with annual leave. They’d get very fretful if I was taking “too much” and genuinely didn’t understand that I needed to use it or I lose it! Very frustrating.

Advice to your colleague is completely ignore. She’s an adult.

Her dad wouldn't approve of sick leave she doesn't need?

My dad can come across like that, but couldn't have been more supportive when DS1 had a breakdown (yes I know that's not the correct medical term). He did all the research to find suitable treatment , and paid for it.

My dads like that. I couldn't live with him, but its not your place to tell her to move out.

Just perhaps be there for her if it ever becomes an issue?

It's absolutely none of your business.

I think it’s indicative of a controlling atmosphere, however if she’s 24 I doubt he spent much of his working life down a mine, someone with better knowledge can correct me but didn’t the majority of the pits close in the 1980s? I’d also doubt that her grandfather was in WW2, I’m 40 and my grandparents were too young to fight in WW2 and they’re all dead now.

@MattSmithsBowTie agree

in fact, him being down the mine, unless he's about 70, makes me doubt her words full stop.

she's an adult OP. Just leave it.

Not 100% on dates but my brother is 62 and was a miner for at least 10 years,
I'm 50 and both grandads were involved in WW2

Just had a Google and apparently last coal mine in the uk closed 2 years ago

Reminds me of my Dad, not amused at all with genuine sick leave. Obviously happy for me to go in and infect everyone

Might just be one of those things you say, "oh, Dad is so old fashioned yada yada". If confronted with a real life scenario, he might react totally differently and not as she expects/paints him.

Or he might not.
Either way, it's currently all hypothetical and none of your business anyway.

I’d also doubt that her grandfather was in WW2, I’m 40 and my grandparents were too young to fight in WW2 and they’re all dead now.

OP said great-grandfather, which is very possible. I’m 46 - so feasibly could have a 24 year old - and both my grandfathers were old enough to fight in WW2

People my dad's age (70s) didn't have time off sick with mental health issues; they all had 'a bad back' if they were struggling. My dad's bouts tended to correspond to heavy weekends. He has no truck with the idea of mental health, but that's because they were brought up differently.

I'm in my 40s and I'd be wary of taking sick leave for mental health, because it was ingrained if me that it would ruin your career. Even though it's more accepted than it was.

Men haven't worked 12 hours down mines since the 1970s.

The dad would have been born in the 1930s or 1940s.

YABU.

The dad's views are outdated, but also pretty irrelevant if your colleague's mental health is decent. She may also find that if she was unlucky enough to become so ill she needed time off, he would change his tune when he saw his daughter suffering.

There's probably loads of reasons it suits her to live at home, not least the financials, YABU to think you get to express a view about that.

My DH as an employer who pays himself less than his employees, was annoyed when a worker went off with stress. The job wasn't the reason for the stress, it was a family fallout and relationship breakup. DH is very much of the attitude you keep plodding and don't let others down. He felt this employee was entitled and not a team player.

It's not your place to say anything.

I agree he's probably a twat, but it's also none of your business.

I wonder if she is ‘living at home to save for a deposit’.
Sounds like she would be better renting in a house share, with other people from her generation.