I’m married and have adult children from my previous marriage. My husband has created a lot of drama within the family over many years and been very controlling, I can see now I became isolated. I’m beginning to understand about the triangulation he’s been using, whereas before I thought it was all real and I was constantly in distress trying to ‘deal’ with ‘problems’ which impacted my relationships with family members.There’s a lot more to it than this, a wide range of problems, but I’m really trying to get my head round what to do. Given the problems, and now that I’m seeing what has been happening, I’ve felt less and less comfortable around him. He’s always had a raging temper if things don’t go as he expects. He’s never physically hurt me/us but has often referred to this as a defence when I’ve questioned his behaviour. There have been so many issues/incidents that have broken me emotionally/mentally and when I try to talk about them he either gives no response or twists the conversation angrily so that the focus becomes my complaints and shuts me down with hurtful comments, threats or door slamming. He frequently uses silent treatment when he’s annoyed with me for initiating conversation about something that’s not ok for me. Once, in the car, when I raised my concern about the way he had spoken to me he flipped and responded by driving like a lunatic, whilst raging at me, screeched the car to a halt in a side road, flung my door open and attempted to throw me out the car. I just froze and I was even more frightened to raise stuff after this. I am really struggling with the physical side of the relationship following my realisation of what’s been happening. He keeps asking why things have changed (physically) and creating pressure around this, like counting how long since last time and making the lack of physical intimacy on my part look like the ‘problem’ in the marriage when I try to explain to him it’s a symptom of the problems. It feels like he wants me to be to blame for everything. Because he projects so much at me, whenever I try to talk about things, I’m frightened to end the relationship. My previous husband was physically and emotionally abusive and when I left the abuse escalated. I was financially independent when we met and attempting to build a life after the previous marriage, but I can see now that I lost my independence almost overnight when this relationship started, it’s so hard to explain how what looks like his helpfulness on the surface is actually really controlling behaviour. It feels like a real battle to do anything independently, there’s so much ‘invisible’ pressure to comply with his expectations, it feels like he ‘shepherds’ me about. It would really help to hear other’s opinions.