I know I was really rude but - can anyone understand where I was coming from?

[iwasrude]

I have a brother, he does mean well but I always find him really irritating. He doesn’t read the room at all, can be really loud and embarrassing (ranting at shop workers and waiters) and making a big drama if he is ill or has hurt himself. So when I’m with him I’m often a bit tense.

youngest child has just started walking. In the middle of a tense exchange where I was trying to get the older child to do something every time she stood up he yelled OH WOW LOOK. After five or six times where I smiled and said yes, wow, yes, getting really strong, I snapped and said YES OK WE KNOW.

i know it was really rude and I’m not normally like that. I suppose what I’m asking is - can people understand where I was coming from’b

maybe an unpopular opinion - but I think it’s important people have to deal with the consequences of their social disfunction - it’s how they learn…

if he’s been extremely annoying like this I don’t think snapping at him is very out of line.

why do you continue to go out to eat with him if he is rude to waiters? A natural consequence for me would be ‘I find the way you speak to restaurant staff unpleasant and uncomfortable and I don’t want to go with you’

I don’t think anyone is well served by people tolerating poor behaviour from them.

Honestly, you sent the wrong message by smiling at him and nodding along each time he said it. You should have just said “sorry Brother, give me 5 minutes, I need to deal with Julie”

I think he would be better off without you in his life, you don't sound like a very nice sibling do you.

@FictionalCharacter and @loropianalover are right on the money here. It's not just annoying, it's nasty behaviour.

The rest of his behaviour just seems tedious and irritating. I wouldn't be giving it any energy. I know it's hard to ignore but perhaps with less attention being given to his behaviour he will calm down? Or is that maybe wishful thinking? For what it's worth I have a close relative who is socially awkward (in a different way to this) and can be rude and hurtful . I just do the grey rock thing with him. I know he can't help it, he is suspected of being neurodivergent himself so I choose to shut it out and not accommodate or notice it.

Some of these behaviours (not reading the room, always saying the wrong thing, talking about himself/what interests him, not hearing your tone of voice) sound like neurodivergent traits. If I were you, I'd Google and research how to communicate with someone with ASD traits, I think if you learn to communicate with him in a more direct way it'll help.
My SiL is undiagnosed but has strong asd traits. She'll say things like "ill come at 3pm to see as much of you as possible this weekend" and instead of hints like "that would be lovely but we will still be at school activities" (to which she would say "no problem I'll just let myself in" where a neurotypical person reads that they're not welcome) I now say "sorry that won't work for us, please arrive between 9am and 11am Saturday and then I suggest you head home about 2pm Sunday so we have time to prepare for monday". She appreciates the clear instruction, whilst it feels rude to say it, she doesn't understand softer hints/polite ways of saying things like "oh gosh is that the time, you must have things to get on with" (to which she'd say "no it's fine"). I always set a strict schedule and she likes to know exactly what's expected of her.
I suspect your brother thought your littlest walking was amazing (which is sweet) and totally failed to read your tone or body language and simply heard your literal words. Then felt randomly attacked when you snapped. That's not your fault, I get it is very irritating, but maybe research ways to communicate more effectively and you might both feel happier. He is also your sibling, don't beat yourself up, I often snip at my sibling, it's family isn't it!

@iwasrude After five or six times where I smiled and said yes, wow, yes, getting really strong, I snapped and said YES OK WE KNOW.

Why was this rude?? It was a normal response

I don't know what's wrong with some people on MN - they don't seem to live in the real world. They seem to live in some parallel universe where everyone doesn't have real emotions and is permanently #bekind whatever other people do and whatever impact it has on others

Yes, we should be kind but that doesn't mean we should let other people take the piss