To think it's just manners to tell someone if you've broken something in their house?

[WillowtreeHouse]

MIL and her friends asked to stay in our house while we were on holiday. No issue with that at all, we live by the sea and people often stay here when we're away. We've been home a week and gradually realised that two mugs, about three glasses, burn on the rug from the fire and a mug ring on bedside table.

Now to be very clear, I really don't care about any of that. I'm dyspraxic and the clumsiest person I know, so done of my everyday crockery or glassware is particularly expensive and I'm the person most likely to break something. I also expect stuff like this to happen when you let people stay at your house, but I'm a bit miffed that she didn't mention it. Why would you not just say 'oh by the way we had a couple of breakages' to which I would have said no problem, thanks for telling me?

It's pissed me off (not the breakages) and of course I won't say anything, but I think I'm more annoyed because she used to practically wrap the DCs in cling film and they were scared to sit and eat at her house. 😂

So YANBU - yes you should mention to someone if you break something in their home.

YABU - Nope, keep your gob shut and say nowt.

I'm pushing 60 myself 😂 and I'm as blind as a bat without my glasses and it's so obvious, as it's on light oak, you can't miss it.

I was going to come back to this thread today anyway to update slightly and I'm a bit 😳 about it all now. DH was more annoyed than me about the ring mark and asked his mum about it. Her response was that if we put a coaster on top of it no one would see it and that the mugs were broken when she dropped one of them on top of the other but didn't mention it because 'they're only mugs'. The burn on the rug is 'just one of those things that happens with that type of fire'.

To be clear, MIL is not some little old helpless lady. Yes, she's 75, but still works (by choice) and in rude health. I'm still pretty unbothered by the breakages etc, but I'm bloody fizzing at the casual way she seems to have treated our property, particularly when is has always been so precious about her own home and everything in it, to the point that our DCs hated going round there when they were younger because they were so worried about getting a crumb anywhere.

She won't be allowed to stay again when we're not here.

😮 astonishingly rude- I hope your DH told her how very unimpressed he was by her lack of care of your things!

Really rude, I have stopped letting family stay in our house now. We live in a really lovely house in a beautiful London location and have previously let family stay when we are away. My brother has 3 young girls I've had damaged plaster broken tumble dryers and secret dogs when its a dog free zone (severe allergies from DS) No thanks or acknowledgemnet either so we leave our house empty when we go away and come back to it as we left it.

I'm actually surprised at DH, he's normally a 'just leave it' kind of person with his mum but he's really pissed off about the lack of respect shown.

What caused the burn marks?? I’d be worried about guests smoking or leaving straighteners or whatever on in my home

Am delighted dh pulled his dm up. Now she knows the hotel is shut and she can't be blaming you! Get her a set of glasses and mugs for Christmas.. Take out the ones she owes you!!

Nobody stays in my home
Simple

Wow. I have two boisterous boys, a crazy
dog and clumsy husband, we have never broken anything when staying away from home. If we did I would be mortified, own
up and offer to pay for damages without asking. I can’t believe the nonchalant attitude of your MIL. Definitely do not let her stay again.

Or, get yourself a new set of mugs & glasses and give her the unbroken ones that you have remaining!

I understand your feelings.

Many years ago when I was young and single I rented unfurnished flat for myself. So all the furniture and decor was mine. At some point I decided to go traveling for 6 months and didn’t know what to do with my flat. I didn’t want to move out because I knew 6 months later I will be back and that area of town was lovely! But I didn’t want to pay rent for 6 months while I was gone. So I spoke with my friend who I know since we were 10 and she agreed to move in with her boyfriend while I am away. She said she would cover 90% of the rent and see if she is happy to live with her new boyfriend before they find their own place to live.
Landlord was fine with this.

6 months later I came back. My friend told me how she spent days cleaning everything so I can just unpack my bags and relax. However in the next 2-3 weeks I kept discovering breakages all over the flat.

I found out that my bedside lamp shade was all smashed. My new set of pots and pans (gift from my grandma) had enamel chipped everywhere. My iron board was burned and wallpapers were ruined in the hallway because of their cat.

When I called my friend upon those discoveries she told me “oh sorry my cat was running around and dropped your bedside lamp multiple times” or “sorry, yes, we did burn your ironing board, I wanted my boyfriend to learn how to iron his work shirts”.

I felt extremely upset by all these. She never mentioned anything to me until I confronted her. She offered to compensate all the breakages but her tone was not nice. Like “welll if you reaaaaly want me to buy you new shade I can do this next weekend” 😵‍💫

Let her go and see if she sinks or swims !! She got the taxi to the port thought through so maybe the rest of it too …
A cruise is probably a safe choice really compared to other options.

then when she gets back get that LPOA for health and finance done before she give any other inclination if lacking capacity to agree to it. You may already be sunk in this but fingers crossed as court of protection is not an easy it cheap thing to deal with p