To think that doing fun things for/with your kids is part of being a parent

[Whatisthepointthen]

Whether we really enjoy doing it or not or if it’s a bit of extra work for us?
Seeing so many influencer type mums posting about how, no they will not be buying/making Halloween costumes, making cupcakes or taking their kids to an event as if it’s some cool mum thing.
I agree with not going over the top as everything has become so commercialised, but what is the harm in being the mum who likes doing things like that?

Just because they've said they won't be doing a few things doesn't mean they won't do anything for their children. They just won't do those specific things. Do you do every single little thing that your children might enjoy? Surely it's normal to do some things, and not do others?

Halloween for example. We've done a couple of pumpkin trails at some national trust & nature park places (DDs are 5 and 2 and love these), and will make cupcakes that DD1 can decorate in a Halloween way (we do regular baking anyway, this will just have Halloween decorations). But I won't do trick or treating, nor will I buy a costume for DD2 to wear to nursery. Am I awful? Or am I just doing what most people do and choosing do certain things and not do others.

Wtf are boo boxes and North Pole breakfasts?!

It sounds like some insta mums are protesting some of the absolute shite that is cooked up in the name of performative parenting and that’s fine with me.

It feels like they are trying to normalise NOT doing everything.

I like baking with mine but I do not like anything Halloween related so we won’t be doing it.

I’d see it as them trying to provide an antidote to the ‘boo boxes’ (really?) and pumpkin picking

Social media or friends. For me I look at things like boo baskets, Christmas Eve boxes and think no not for me, I’m not doing that for DS. But some mums would feel guilty.

Or maybe a friend is taking their kids out for trick or treating in expensive costumes, taking them pumpkin patch and they feel bad they can’t afford it themselves.

I think it depends on the person but honestly no one should feel jealous / bad

This. It feels like people have lost all sense of making their own decisions and rely on influences to run their lives. Some people like to keep things simple and buy supermarket outfits for Halloween, some like to go all out and make their own and some do something in the middle. It's all perfectly acceptable.

Society in general. Social media, friends, family etc

Or the children themselves. "Everyone else has a ...." boo box, elf on the shelf, santa train ticket etc etc et.

I don't know what any of that is like really. My mum just stuck me in front of the TV as a kid, she didn't spend much time with me.

My friends who are parents tend to sit with their kids or take them to places but not really interact with them unless they're doing something wrong.

I invited one mum to come and play with me and her kids, we had their Lego out and were telling a story together having built it, and she looked awkward and said she didn't know how.

What you need to understand is the Internet and influencers are not real. You see a very small part of their lives that is all. You are not their friend, it's a job and they are doing it for money and targeting vulnerable people in the process. If you can't separate fact from fiction and are a guliable person the Internet is not the best place for you.

I think there are so many types of parents it’s hard to say.

In the ideal world every parent makes an effort to do a little beyond the survival stuff (fed, cleaned, warm etc). Some parents have other things going on; too many children; children with additional needs; work; health; not much support; laziness…

I would hope that everyone is in a position to give their children a nice enough childhood where they have memories - even if it is a few outings; the odd baking etc. but there is also nothing wrong with living your life and bringing your children along with you. As long as there isn’t any neglect.

Do as much as you can, it is good for both of you.
There was a trend on doing never ending things, that too vast amounts of time, on top of daily life.
The best is not to enslave yourself, but do happy activities with them.
Happy middle ground.

Yeah, but that is not new, at all. There are centuries of parenting experience on that front. The children need to be taught how to cope with not getting everything they want, or others have.

Don't really do social media but if the influences are just normalising low key events then that good. Way better then the absolute ott that you usually see on social media which I perceive to be more about the adults then kids.

Litterly never heard of a boo box until reading this thread and having Googled it have no intention of implementing it. I don't do Christmas eve boxes ( they get presents Christmas morning seems weird to give them more Christmas eve). I don't do elf on the shelf. None of this makes me a bad parent. I do plenty of fun stuff with my kids. Today we built lego, went for a swim and watched a movie. That perfectly fine and enjoyable just not something that can be splashed all over social media.

Yes you should do fun things with your kids. If halloween cupcakes are fun for all of you, great do that. If not, do things that you actually find fun with them.

I really like Halloween, we decorate and carve pumpkins, have a party and the youngest will go Halloweening, but we won't be buying boo boxes. I can see why some might think they're fun but you don't have to do everything.

We have a fairly full Christmas too but I draw the line at all the boxes, elf on the shelf and north pole breakfasts. It's just not my cup of tea, which is what I like for breakfast with a bacon sandwich.

You just pick the bits that work for you and your family. And part of that can be your own inclination or enjoyment - that's allowed.

I do think some people make an identity about being miserable about this kind of stuff though and I do think that's joyless.

You are being unreasonable for wasting time watching influencers and that rubbish.