To think that doing fun things for/with your kids is part of being a parent

[Whatisthepointthen]

Whether we really enjoy doing it or not or if it’s a bit of extra work for us?
Seeing so many influencer type mums posting about how, no they will not be buying/making Halloween costumes, making cupcakes or taking their kids to an event as if it’s some cool mum thing.
I agree with not going over the top as everything has become so commercialised, but what is the harm in being the mum who likes doing things like that?

Odd post? Don’t most parents?

@MrsSkylerWhite Don’t most parents what?
Why is it an odd post?

Just step away from the influencers and do your own thing.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying doing things with your kids like making halloween costumes or cupcakes.

What IS wrong, and what I assume these people are protesting about, is the general feeling that if you are not running yourself ragged doing every event and activity going, that you are a bad parent.

It's fine to say that yes, you're up for making cupcakes and taking the kids to a pantomime, but that you're not up for boo boxes, santa trains, elf on his shelf, north pole breakfasts and the rest of it.

They're not influencers, they're grifters and you're rewarding their grifting with your clicks which brings them money.

Go to the park and see normal parents instead.

It depends - there seems to be an awful lot of pressure on parents (and let's face it - mostly mums) to do anything and everything with and for their children these days. Halloween was very minor when I was a child but it has turned over time into almost a mini-Christmas, with events, lights trails, parties, etc. I don't think there's anything wrong with a parent choosing to focus on some things and not doing others especially if there are costs involved.

I don't think parents have to do everything with their children, especially once the kids develop more and more autonomy - I feel the constant round of activities driven by parents has taken away a lot of play creativity from children.

It just seems so miserable, I mean this part is the good stuff, right? So much of parenting is hard work, what’s wrong with joining in and making the effort and doing things your kids will enjoy?

This.

just ignore them.

A lot of influencers try to be relatable, I suspect plenty of them do those things but it's easier to make content/grift harping on about not wanting to do it than doing it. It's fine to not want to do something as it is to do it.

No is the short answer to that. I do know quite a few who just sort of do their own thing and the kids come too but it’s rare they do something that’s just for the children if you like.

YANBU unfortunately, kids get excited, I’d hate for mine to be disappointed at not being able to do fun things.

What difference does it make to your life what other people do? Genuinely asking. It seems like you're somehow worked up what other people do? Just
Carry on with what you want to do for your kids?

Presumably they mean that they're not going to feel pressured into doing every single thing, they're going to pick the ones they want to do.

I don't think parents should feel pressured into doing loads of stuff just because their kids ask for it or because it's all over social media.

Parents?
You mean mum gets guilted into doing all the admin and organising and if there is a dad he either bemoans the whole thing and opts out or leaves the graft to mum and ends up doing the bare minimum performative bit or acts like a 3rd, 4th child and gets to enjoy the end result whilst mum is knackered And ends up doing the clean up at the end also.

There’s a balance to be had though.

Go to the park even though it’s incredibly boring as an adult because your kids love it, yes. Go to the park everyday for hours on end and in all weathers, even though you hate it at the expense of something else? No.

There are a lot of things I don’t like doing as a parent and some I put up with and some I refuse to do. For example, I plan on taking my child to see Santa and doing some Christmas themed crafts and painting. It’s not exactly how I would choose to spend my time but it’ll make my kid happy. However, I’m not doing Elf on the Shelf because I can’t be arsed committing to it for years to come and I don’t like the idea of it. I’m not doing Christmas baking because I find baking with my kid stressful and really unenjoyable. I’m not stopping other people from baking with them but it won’t be me.

It’s not a cool mum thing to not do literally everything with your kids, even if there are no budget restrictions. It’s good for kids to know they are part of a family and sometimes we do things for them but sometimes you do things that other people want to do/not do.

My guess is it’s because it’s become the norm these days to have to constantly be entertaining your child, participating in every event.

It seems to be the norm to take your child to the zoo, soft play, a seasonal event every weekend.

There is so much pressure on parents these days to do every event.

I assume these influences are showing the reality of being a parent and normalising that ITS OK not to participate in every event.

The answer about what’s the harm being a mum that enjoys participating in every event - there isn’t any harm but it’s also OK to not want to participate too.

It isn’t parents though, is it? It’s mums and that’s part of the problem.

No one is pressuring dads to bake Halloween cupcakes or give their children boo boxes.

Do things with and for their kids? What’s the point of having them otherwise?

I don’t tend to bother with stuff like that either, although we have put a few Halloween decorations up because my ds really wanted to! But I always feel a bit of an outlier as I’d far far rather go out with mine - MN seem very into chilling at home but we seem to get a bit crabby and annoyed with one another quite fast! That said that’s my ds, I can chill a bit more with dd, she just seems a bit more laid back somehow!

Of course I do 'fun' things with my kids but I also refuse to put myself under financial and mental pressure at the same time. No boo boxes, costumes, trails here.

Who is pressuring mothers though? Other women?

These types on tiktok are trying to normalise low key halloween/Christmas etc to help people who feel like everyone goes overboard realise they shouldnt pressure themselves.

Eg i will not be crafting a wonderful costume, spending a fortune at a pumpkin picking place and making a boo box.

I will be picking up a costume, carving a pumkin and guising. All for kids, not my idea of fun but definite middle ground between ott celebration.

Ott celebration fine if you enjoy it and can afford it, but nice to normalise everyday life for those feeling overwhelmed trying to keep up.

For me, it’s about balance.

I detest events set up purely for children (kids’ parties) but I love seasonal activities. When mine were younger we’d do Halloween / Christmas crafts but very few special events. We love a spooky walk through the graveyard followed by a scary film with pizza but I loathe organised fun. At Christmas I go all out with decorations and food but the magic is not about following the masses: I’ve never done Elf on the Shelf or Christmas Eve boxes. We love a walk to see the lights or a carol service & pub trip. I wouldn’t dream of spending hundreds on a zoo trip or something tho because my kids are just as happy doing the things we do!