Once a cheat?

[Rascal741]

AIBU, to say, almost always once a cheat, always a cheat?

My friend of 20 years got herself involved with a married man. She said the relationship was done despite him still living with his DW and teen DC's. DW found out, distraught and removed him from family home, so I imagine she wasn't aware the marriage was dead. They have continued a relationship. Its been 1.5yr now, and whilst they don't cohabit, they holiday together and date ecetera. I asked my friend if she saw this as a long-term thing, and she said yes as they're talking marriage. I asked her about his cheating on his DW, and was this a concern. She believes not, and she will always be enough for him. She's slightly offended that I have raised this.

Got me thinking, do they really change, or is it a case of once a cheat always a cheat?

She's an adult. It's not your decision to make and you should not influence her.

No I don't think so.

I think you can fall in love with another person. I don't think that's necessarily something that has to be recycled throughout your life.

I'm sure his wife thought she was "enough" for him once, too.
I think the odds aren't in your friend's favour and personally, I wouldn't want to keep wondering if I was enough, whilst it's him who can't keep it in his trousers.

People do change, but it’s also fair to wonder if past behavior might be a predictor of future actions. Your friend’s belief that she’ll be enough for him suggests she’s hopeful—and she may see something in him that you don’t. But, at the same time, it’s completely understandable for you to feel protective of her and want to make sure she’s not setting herself up for heartbreak.

It sounds like you’ve been really respectful and gentle in raising this with her, and even though it might have touched a nerve, you did it out of care. It's hard to be in this kind of situation as a friend, wanting the best for someone but also respecting their choices. Just being there for her, as you clearly have been, will matter a lot in the long run

My uncle was an old goat who would try it on with any available female. He finally stopped cheating when he got older and realized he wouldn't get the opportunities for much longer and had better settle for what he'd got.

I do not think I would ever relax fully in the relationship if this was the foundation.

It’s not your relationship so I think you need to mind your own business. You’ve brought it up with her but she doesn’t want to hear what you have to say so just leave it. You will just end up ruining your friendship

My husband cheated just once and told me, he has always had a high sex drive and mine was pretty much 0 after kids then peri (now on hrt so somewhat normal)it is strange but before that happened i was always insecure now i feel stronger and actaully trust him more! He knows what he will lose if he does it again!!! And im in a better place so could manage without him!💪💪

I ‘cheated’ on EXH, putting it in quotations as he’d been cheating on me and abusing me for years, I met someone kind and fell into a fling, I don’t regret it if I’m honest.

When I met my now DH years later I knew I would never do that again because he’s all I need.

Your friend is delusional and the best you can do is play along and watch 💩 hit the fan.

Ive had my fill of cheats, once a cheat and a liar always one, a leopard never changes its spots , I wouldn't trust them a inch, I nearly got caught out but I I wouldn't marry her as I knew what she was about, so beware male and female if they cheated once they will do it again .

This isn't your business. You cannot dictate to someone how they live their life. If she talks to you and asks advice fair enough otherwise unless you want to lose her friendship I would just MYB.

I don’t believe that “once a cheat, always a cheat”, people change circumstances change. If you want to keep her as a friend, you need to back off and let her live her life without judging her for her choices. You can’t tell her how to live her life.

Well she never changed and I'm not intrested in anything shes doing, she known for it she's been married more times than Henry the eighth and I'm I wasn't commenting on me .