To feel very got at lately by inlaws

[AnonCrazyBabes]

Just how I feel. I feel very pushed out and that my personality e.g. loudness and hyperness is not good enough. That my kids aren’t mine etc. it’s a long story and I don’t mean any hate but I’m feeling very picked on at the minute and it’s turning me into an angry person. I love my hubby and in laws but I feel something bad is gonna happen and I’ll lose everything. As much as I love my own family they don’t get me and can be worse. Hubby has his family whereas it feels I don’t really have anyone fighting my corner. I can’t really come to my hubby about this so I feel I’ll need my emotional needs met elsewhere. This past couple of months has exacerbated my feeling of not really belonging and there no place for me. Sometimes I feel I just want a do over. Anyone else felt like this? Does it get better?

Bump

Can you tell us any of what has been happening? It's hard to know how to help if we don't really understand what is causing these feelings.
Hugs though.

Thanks so much. It’s just that FIL gets annoyed when I visit and I’m hyper. I’m naturally hyper but can be more or less hyper depending on my mood. My hubby tells me to calm it down in their house because he doesn’t want to be caught in the middle. I had a hard time with mental health during my pregnancy and during the summer after my child was born. He wants me to go on anti depressants because of my MH but I’m not doing that unless I was really bad. I’ve had bad breakdowns like panic attacks but they don’t happen that often. The reason I don’t want to go on them is the side effects e.g. weight gain, hair loss, loss of sexual function, loss of personality etc. he told my hubby one when the doc gave me a prescription (which I decided not to take) to make me take my tablets. A couple of weeks ago we were at their house having dinner when FIL started on me telling me I need to go on the tablets and I have to. I told him my reasons then he said well you need to think of hubby and kids you can’t be selfish and your body isn’t your own anymore so I literally told him that it’s my body. It’s taken me a long time to look how I want and accept who I am and I’m not looking fat and ugly for anyone. He told me to stop being so vain and kept it up then told me to get off my phone then mentioned them again then I shouted saying the same thing then added. I don’t like being white I have to do my fucking tan twice a week to get the skin colour I want and I’m still not dark enough, I’m not getting fat or losing my hair. My hair is one of the only good features about me as I’m too white and so is my baby he’s too fucking white (when I said that I instantly felt pure guilt because I didn’t mean it. My baby is beautiful as he is) I started to cry and walked out.

I just feel like everyone has leverage over everything I have and I hate it because it reminds me of what my family do. I’ve had thoughts of just having another baby to someone else for a do over. I know that’s not rational but I’m terrified I’ll end up losing everything

Why are you being hyper, it sounds exhausting for those around you.
Twice a week tan is insane.

The whole thing reads like you are very young. Are you?

I think you should really consider taking the pills.

I know I can be a bit crazy but it’s part of who I am. I try to calm it down to be respectful. I’m young but not very young if that makes sense

Being crazy isn't a part of who anyone "is". It's exhausting for people around you and they sound fed up.

Speak to a medical professional, they can advise you about the pills.

What does your being hyper and loud look like?

Have you been diagnosed with anything? I mean the whole outburst about hating being white and your baby being white doesn't sound like the words of a stable person. They are probably worried you are suffering with a mental health issue and it is going completely untreated. Are you having any kind of therapy or anything?

Read back your posts and count the number of times you said "I..."

You are incredibly intense. It is exhausting.

I have a lot of unresolved trauma from my past. When I’m hyper I’m just silly and say silly things and laugh a lot. Yes I’ve ADHD

But what do you mean? There's silly you can roll your eyes at and ignore, and then there's silly like being reckless crossing the road and causing issues in public.

Firstly, your FIL has absolutely no say in what medication you take, so put that to one side.
Secondly, your outburst about being too white, and fat and ugly, doesn’t sound like just a bit of ‘craziness’, it sounds like you have some issues that need resolving. Have you spoken to a GP about accessing counselling?
Youve obviously been prescribed medication for a reason, so I would seriously think about taking it.

Medication also helps the people around you. I can imagine your hyper behaviour and extreme reactions are really difficult for your husband and family.

Being mentally well is much more important that being very white or putting a bit of weight on. it helps you to make good choices.

OP, you need and deserve some help with this. The feelings and thoughts you live with are huge and terrifying, and the way your FIL in particular speaks to you is not helpful. If you don't want medication, you might get some counselling via your GP, but it could take time. Could you get together enough money to go privately?

It sounds like you are pretty unstable in your own self esteem, and are taking it out on those around you.
If it is bad enough your family is impacted, a dr thinks meds would help, and you just want to do your own thing. Why go to the doctor is you won't listen to their advice?
Also if you choose to act in a way that upsets others, don't be shocked when they get upset.

If you don't want to take meds, don't. Your body is your own.

However I'd strongly suggest counselling for your unresolved trauma. You need help to work through it and figure it out

You and your baby are too white?

OP do you have extremes of mood, highs and lows? Do you have trouble sleeping at times, racing thoughts, periods of overspending and/or manic activity? I'm asking because I have a family member who has bipolar disorder and some of what you've described rang a few alarm bells.

This happened with me, I’ve got adhd and seen as hyper and intense by in-laws, they made me so uncomfortable that made me more hyper in their company. You need to get to a place where you don’t care what they think or say and work on your self esteem. You need counselling too. What you’re saying about another baby with someone else and hating being white sounds like you’re not mentally stable and you need to talk to gp about that. There is lots of meds that don’t cause all the symptoms you’ve mentioned. The fact they keep mentioning perhaps is indicative of how poor your mh is and how much it is affecting them. If you can’t be with your partner be on your own and work on yourself and concentrate on being a good mum

Have you explored ways of managing your adhd? I know some people have various strategies they use and others use medication. What I will say with the greatest respect, is that it can be utterly exhausting to live with someone who is that hyper- my own DS has ADHD and is now on medication that he feels the benefit from (he is more emotionally stable and more settled now his brain isnt going a million miles an hour, and he’s not constantly flitting from one thing to the next).
while it is your body and your decision what to put in it, and anti depressants may not actually be the right medication for you, the fact enough people have repeatedly brought this up should tell you that you need to give some thought as to whether you are managing.

And it also sounds like you need some help with your self esteem - a common issue for people with ADHD. Your post screams of “I’m not….enough”.

OP you were prescribed meds for a reason. If you won't take them because of your fear of side effects, then GO BACK to the GP and tell them!
They can prescribe alternative meds, or give you advice on how to avoid the side effects, or refer you for counselling or talk therapy.
Your in-laws have no right to tell you what to do, but it sounds like they are struggling to deal with your extreme responses, and they are worrying for your DH and your kids having to cope with your behaviour.
You are so afraid of losing them all, but you won't do anything to reassure them, and to get yourself back in calmer waters. ADHD doesn't really explain your extreme reactions and self destructive thoughts.
Go back to the doctor. Get help. Sending hugs.

When I’m hyper I’m just silly and say silly things and laugh a lot.

this will be completely exhausting for everyone around you.
i don’t think your FiL expressed it in the right way, but I suspect that he’s had conversations with his son and he’s worried about you, but also the impact on your DH and your children. You’ve been advised to take medications by your healthcare professional - it might be a good idea to go back and have that conversation with them again.

the “too white” stuff sounds bizarre, as does fake tan twice a week.

People with adhd know they’re exhausting to others that’s why we have low self esteem, it can be so hard to manage