To be annoyed (I know I am)

[oldcow44]

A year or so ago I started attending a weekly group on a Friday night, let's say it's a book club. I can't go every week as dh works shifts and we don't have any help with childcare but on the occasions I can go I really enjoy it. It's time for me and I've got friendly with a few people who attend. It's a safe space to discuss things I don't feel that comfortable chatting about in my daily life, being a bit creative iyswim.

Anyway a few months ago I mentioned it in passing to a friend and she decided to go too. It's changed the dynamic for me having someone I know there. She's a gregarious person and almost taken over the group a bit. She also has no issues with childcare so can go every week when I can't.

I know I'm being unreasonable and childish to feel pissed off. It's an open group and anyone can go. But it was my thing and now she's acting like it's hers, lots of photos with 'her' book club pals over social media etc.

Am I being a dick? Be gentle 😂

At the end of the day you feel how you feel and you can't help it. We have friends for different reasons sometimes. I don't think there's much you can really do about it as you'll either compromise your friendship or the book club. It could have been any new gregarious character that could have compromised your sense of safety in that group. If it was me, I would try to meet up separately with those who made me feel safe, and/or quietly explore some other ventures and wait for the novelty of the club to wear off for your friend...if it doesn't wear off, you'll need decide how important that group is to you and whether you are able to swallow her overbearing presence!

These groups ebb and flow. Sometimes they are for you and sometimes theyaren't. I was part of the starting a book group with the objective that it wasn't serious - it was mainly chat and wine focussed. We invited a friend who turned out to be much more serious about it and as she settled in she cracked the whip and ultimately did all organising. The someone invited a friend who was evangelical christian, who settled in and invited her evangelical christian friend.

This is where I finally bowed out. There's not enough wine that can compensate for the chat that ensued. It was mildly annoying that the group I had started have something so completely different. But that's life.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable to be annoyed - it would be unreasonable to insist it was yours etc or make a big deal, but it doesn’t read like that’s on the cards.

it can be awkward when different aspects of your social circle mix I think - especially when it then changes the dynamic. I think though you have to either find a way of enjoying the new dynamic, or bow out and find a new outlet. I think if you can you can still try and keep in touch with the ones your closer too separately from your friend.

maybe one way to put a positive spin on it is to be proud of yourself for introducing your friend to it when it seems like it’s becoming important for her. It’s nice to think you’ve made someone happy especially a friend.