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Original poster

Friend gone mainly no contact - should I give up up her

12 replies

WhatShallIdo11 · 28/10/2024 19:02

Been really good friends with someone for several years - we were very close until a month ago - we went away for a week and all was good from my point of view - she then cancelled a night out as she was ill - I tried to phone her but she didn’t pick up - I went to the gig on my own and enjoyed it. We did speak the next day for over an hour. Met up with her and another friend the following weekend - she was very off with me - asked other friend to go swimming but not me. Anyway I messaged her and asked if she was ok as she’d been quiet - just said she had been busy - she isn’t working at the moment and has complained that she’s bored - sent another text tonight asking if I’ve done something to offend her - pretty annoyed that a 60+ woman can’t be up front with another 60+ woman - we aren’t 17 anymore!!

OP posts:
MildGreenDairyLiquid · 28/10/2024 19:04

I’d see how she responds to your message. If you don’t get a response or you get some excuse and she carries on in the same vein, in probably just accept maybe this has run it’s course. Shitty of her not to explain though.

RachelNoire · 28/10/2024 19:18

Something must have happened on your holiday to piss her off? Stop pandering to her and just ask her what’s wrong in person not by text. That way never ends well.

BabyCloud · 28/10/2024 19:19

Have you stopped to consider it might have nothing to do with you?
She was unwell then and may have other stuff going on that you don’t know about because you’re only focusing in yourself.

Original poster
WhatShallIdo11 · 28/10/2024 19:20

MildGreenDairyLiquid · 28/10/2024 19:04

I’d see how she responds to your message. If you don’t get a response or you get some excuse and she carries on in the same vein, in probably just accept maybe this has run it’s course. Shitty of her not to explain though.

Thanks - that’s how I’m thinking - feel very hurt by her behaviour - she does suffer a bit from MH issues but I have supported her throughout - if she’d said to me that she she need to step off the world for a while I’d have understood

OP posts:
Kaleidoscopic101 · 28/10/2024 19:20

Sorry to hear. What are her other past relationships like? Has she maintained relationships with her friends/family? This could give a bit of an insight of a pattern of behaviour. When you were close, was she ever so charming and make you feel on top of the world (as in love bombed) and now ditched (one extreme to the other)? If so, paired with previous distanced relationships it could indicate she has narcissistic traits. It could either be just her, or something happened while away. It could just be that she wants a bit of space and perhaps it's not really you as such but we all can definitely have too much of the same company. I'd say give her another opportunity to express any issues, she may not want to if it that might hurt your feelings. If this is the case it's probably just a bit of space needed...and then gentle distancing if she maintains the standoffishness.

Original poster
WhatShallIdo11 · 28/10/2024 19:23

BabyCloud · 28/10/2024 19:19

Have you stopped to consider it might have nothing to do with you?
She was unwell then and may have other stuff going on that you don’t know about because you’re only focusing in yourself.

No I’m not just focusing on myself - I have reached out to her several times - as above - if she’d said she’d needed some time to herself I’d have understood - if I’d have needed time to myself, I’d have let her know - just so she didn’t think it was anything to do with her

OP posts:
PeggyMitchellsCameo · 28/10/2024 19:30

You would think with a decent friendship she would be able to say if she’s miffed.
One thing I do now is actually ring someone. I can’t stand messaging it’s awful at times like this.
You sound pretty level-headed not a holiday horror-story pal, but something may have irritated her.
But who knows what if she won’t tell you?
As absolutely painful as it is, I would leave it with her now.
I can see how people tail off friendships when someone is being an absolute nightmare and tend to be recent friends. But for long term friendships I think going silent is really unpleasant.
Whatever it is her, leave her to it.
I bet you have other fab friends - you certainly sound like one to me!

Original poster
WhatShallIdo11 · 28/10/2024 20:34

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 28/10/2024 19:30

You would think with a decent friendship she would be able to say if she’s miffed.
One thing I do now is actually ring someone. I can’t stand messaging it’s awful at times like this.
You sound pretty level-headed not a holiday horror-story pal, but something may have irritated her.
But who knows what if she won’t tell you?
As absolutely painful as it is, I would leave it with her now.
I can see how people tail off friendships when someone is being an absolute nightmare and tend to be recent friends. But for long term friendships I think going silent is really unpleasant.
Whatever it is her, leave her to it.
I bet you have other fab friends - you certainly sound like one to me!

Edited

What a lovely post - thank you - feeling hurt and upset - the only thing I can think of is I snored but so did she!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatShallIdo11 · 29/10/2024 19:32

Just a quick update - she phoned me to say how sorry she was that I thought I’d upset her - she has been struggling a bit - apparently she always feels like this when she’s been away with someone and then goes back to an empty house - now I know that I’m fine with it - it was a good healthy chat!

OP posts:
Kaleidoscopic101 · 29/10/2024 19:33

Awww that is nice 🩷

IDontHateRainbows · 29/10/2024 19:35

BabyCloud · 28/10/2024 19:19

Have you stopped to consider it might have nothing to do with you?
She was unwell then and may have other stuff going on that you don’t know about because you’re only focusing in yourself.

.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 29/10/2024 19:42

I am so pleased you have spoke! There I said you were a great friend…. I do like being right 😂

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