How do I tell my dad that I'm pregnant?

[Somebuddysmum]

Firstly, I am a full grown adult, I have a 7 year old DC and live with my long-term partner of 9 years. I know I should not be so scared to tell my DF. But I am. I have always had a very strained relationship with him and have spent way too much time seeking his approval (which I never get).

He specifically said to me "don't have anymore kids" after I had DC. I have no idea if this is due to my severe PPD last time, due to my health condition which flares up unexpectedly, or due to his own regrets of having 5 kids. I haven't spoken to him in a few months and I haven't seen him in 2 years because he's extremely busy and lives at the opposite side of the country to me. So its not like it's going to impact his life much but that doesn't ease my nerves.

Anyway, how do I tell him I'm expecting? I'm so excited but this fear of his reaction is really putting a damper on things. DP says to just rip off the plaster. DM (they're separated) says post it online and let him find out that way as that's usually how I find out any of his important news.

Send him a text and then move on with your life

Send him a text and switch your phone off.

I would probably do what your mum is suggesting. If you know he won’t be supportive then you don’t owe him telling him face to face, especially if he doesn’t bother telling you his news.

Just text him. Then ignore anything other than good wishes, or tell him to keep his opinions to himself as you’re a grown woman.

‘Hi dad! Very excited to share we are expecting number 2 soon. Here’s a scan pic. Hope to see you soon’

Send him a text telling him you have happy news to share and then forget about it . The main thing is its your choice and you are happy about it and that's all that matters

Do you need to tell him at all?

I wouldn’t bother. Just do as your mum suggests.

I wouldn't tell him. Just have the baby and let him find out whenever you see him next, whenever that is.

Why tell him at all? I don't tell my parents anything

Don't tell him. Why do you feel the need to when you plainly don't have a close relationship (indeed, any relationship at all if you haven't seen him in two years). Do you not realise how relieved you'll feel once you stop seeking his approval for everything you do and just living your life for you?

As earlier posters say, just send him a text.

Why are you making such a drama out of this?

And the answer to that will be in some counselling.

Why tie yourself in knots about someone who isn't particularly interested in yours and your family's life?

I wouldn't bother to tell him at all. If he moans about it then it's your time to stand up and say that from his past comments and behaviour you had no idea he would remotely care or be interested.

Don't tell him.
If you barely speak and never see him, he doesn't need to know.

Adding to the chorus of people who wouldn't tell him.

Enjoy your pregnancy and baby and don't let him shit on your parade.

I wouldn’t even tell him. If he finds out and complains just say ‘ I didn’t think you’d be happy dad’

But if OP doesn't tell him, she will still be stressing about not telling him.

Tell him by text, is my advice. Then it's done with.

This is awful. You shouldn’t let a man you barely ever see and who I assume isn’t a grandad to your child impact on your life.
Post online or send him a text. “ Baby due x month, all well with both of us”
And please enjoy your pregnancy and your family that matter!!!

It's a bit strange that you're so afraid of him. I thought you were going to say you lived with him and that you were much younger. You know, "pappa don't preach" territory. As you haven't seen him for 2 years, your mum is (presumably) on board and he lives the other side of the country I really don't see why he has such an emotional hold on you. Anyway, it's not as if you've had 8 kids and live in on the streets.