Unwanted contact

[Mrssmith3]

My ex has had a bit of a whirlwind relationship and is engaged. Our teenagers stay with him and his fiancée some weekends when they aren’t busy. I hadn’t met his fiancée until recently when she decided I needed to meet her. Wants us to message, converse etc about the children. But I don’t think it’s necessary. They are teenagers with phones/lives of their own. I’m not interested in who my ex is with etc. My children can communicate their own needs. Anyone been through similar? Ex is a bit of a pushover I think when it comes to his fiancée and does what she says. We split a long time ago.

I can see where you are coming from, I suppose as long as she isn't taking over, like doing what your ex should be doing, I'd try to have a positive relationship for the most part. There'll be weddings, possibly christenings, birthdays down the line and hopefully no bad feelings between ye. But yeah you don't have to be her best buddy either.

If you don't think it's necessary OP, why don't you just tell her (in a nice way, of course, because no-one has any idea what the future holds and as long as your children are minors you may well need to have contact with ex and/or her in an emergency). I completely get you not wanting to be in regular contact with her, but I do think it's a bit unreasonable to be quite so adamant about it - as I say, you don't know what the future holds.

I think, as their mother, it is your choice whether you get to know this woman or not.
I've been through this with my husband's ex, pushing her way in and demanding visits and accomodation when she wanted, and it has now come to the point none of us speak to her. My now adult DC had no need to know her and did not want to, and I support them.
Your children, your choice.

I think it's useful to have her number and be on speaking terms. But that doesn't mean you need to chat.

Is she messaging you regularly? If not, then don't worry about it.

If she is, someone here will help you compose a suitable message.

She is quite pushy I’ve put boundaries in place and they have been ignored. Just considering my next steps.