I would be greatfull for some input on an issue I'm struggling with. Met a friend through a common aquintance, knew her for about a year. She had a very different background from me, a bit rough, no dad around, young mum on benefits. When I met her she herself was continuing the tradition by being a teenage mum in social housing on benefits and not working.
Never judged or anything, she had a lovely toddler, such a bright boy. Said her ex (the child's dad) was physically abusive so not involved, she had got restraining order against him.
Slowly as we knew each other I started to notice things about how she cared for her kid, I'm not a mum and not sure I will be, but her boy was such a nice child, I would parent him in a heartbeat if you know what I mean, so I didn't get how she would not do a proper job.
I decided to end the friendship eventuelly, but I can't stop thinking whether I should alert the social services (I know she has been involved with them before and had to do a parenting course, so not sure how alerting would affect her, if at all).
Trying not to be too outing, my main concerns when friendly with her was:
- Child wanted to be potty trained, but she refused. Child was crying and having breakdowns outside the toilet door, but she kept pushing for diapers.
- Child was left in soggy diapers for a long time. Once went paddling in water and she left child in soaked diaper, he actually didn't even bother going to his mum but came to me shivering saying he was cold.
- When I distanced myself as a friend she sent messages and pictures detailing how she forgot child's bucket hat (which I had gifted) and had no suncream, so he had been burning in the sun all day (don't have these messages any more)
- I spent time at their place before play school sometimes and she would dress child in dirty clothes and told me she only bathes the child once a week at most
- Her flat was very very filthy
- She would tell me she didn't feel settled in her flat (brand new apartment building) so she would take her child and go out at 11pm, going on buses for hours and sometimes staying on friends sofas
- Never watched her child, he got a lot of quite bad bruises from falling and running into things, had to wear a cast once
- Constantly put him in front of her phone, even when he didn't want to
There are more things, but I get upset even thinking about it. The reason it's still in my head is because another friend said she'd seen her recently and you would not recognise the little boy, he's actually regressed and stopped talking and is very violent. Apparently the ex-friend describes it as the little boy is "abusing" her (he's 3 years old). She's also started accusing other people in her life about abuse and other things, to the point of having someone arrested for false accusations. She's also taken back everything she's ever said about her child's father and is now apparently letting him see him.
I guess I would want opinions on whether it's even worth putting in that I'm concerned to Social Services? Or are the points above so minor they won't bother? At the very least I would want her to get some mental health help, she doesn't seem stable to me, and it's such a shame for the child.