Overstepping colleague driving me mad - advice?

[JennaRink]

I'm a project manager in an agency. I work with a range of colleagues including designers.

I am working with a designer who I feel is treating me like a subordinate. She uses language like 'can you do x, y and z?' or I if I say I'm doing something one way she says I should do it another way because 'x'

Next week I'm going on holiday. My manager has asked me for a handover by end of day Thursday. This designer asked for a meeting to go over the projects I am managing with her where everything in on track.

I said we can have a meeting on Friday morning following my handover submission. She has replied saying 'can you arrange it for Wed so you have time to action anything you need to do before your holiday?'. I already have a plan to do this.

I feel this is a massive over step as she is not my manager. AIBU it am I over reacting?

Sounds more of a personality clash really IE Different ways of doing things - she doesnt sound that bad from what you have said

@OutVileJelly1 the thing is in workshops we work together very well

But outside of it she's bossy and it bristles with me massively. The only person allowed to do that imo is my boss

I have a colleague like this, she is incredible at her job but can't help herself getting involved with everything and wanting to be kept updated on things which she isn't managing and should barely be watching.

Is your colleague like this? Basically overly involved in work and doesn't trust others to do their jobs so wants to be updated all the time? Or does she really treat you as though you are insubordinate to her?

I think the first is a form of anxiety, I managed it by ignoring, just saying no or 'its fine, I'm on it'. I have raised gently with our manager and I think he had a word, it got better for quite some time but gets worse when she's stressed and busy.

If it's the second it needs something more direct. 'I don't need any help thanks' would cover a multitude of situations. I'd raise this more directly with your manager focussing on how it disrupts your plans and your flow. It is irritating AF to work with someone like this, it's hard to say anything because it isn't clear what they're doing wrong.

While she does sound annoying, to be fair it makes more sense to have the project update meeting before you've completed your handover.

Is this only in writing or is she like this face to face? It could be tone, that she doesn't know how to/can't be bothered to make the effort to write politely?

Either way, my instinct is that you'd do best not to piss this woman off. Sounds like she could end up going far and ultimately being a manager/boss, directly or indirectly. Be firm, but polite. In this instance, you're just bristling at the tone; but the substance of what she's saying isn't wrong.

Well, the qusetion is if she's the designer, and you're the project manager, are there things that if you do/don't do them, she can't do her job? She sounds a bit irritating, but like she wants to be clear on where everything is. If you feel strongly that the project is on track though and she does not need input from you, can you reply saying something like, "we're on track as per the project plan and it will be updated by the time I leave. If you have a specific concern, let me know."

So your ego is bruised then?

That sounds like I am being horrible, but I don't honestly mean to be....I mean i would be irked at first - but i agree with someoen above who mentioned anxiety, a lot of high performers are in absolute fkin shreds in their head trying to juggle everything and having that need to know everythign which helps them perform better in their sector of the larger picture

I have someone at work who can sound quite demeaning but if she realised how she comes across at times, she would be very upset

Dont let work people get under your skin

I can sympathise with this as I really hate people talking to me like they are my manager when they aren't. When I'd have a personality clash in the past, I just handle it by remaining a bit aloof and holding my ground.

The simple answer is no, sorry that doesn't work for me and I already have a plan in place.