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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you survive sleep deprivation?

21 replies

milkycoffee97 · 28/10/2024 09:29

Literally just that.

I have an 8 month old who is a terrible sleeper and the lack of sleep is killing me. I can barely function getting up in the morning and I also have a 5 year old at home this week during half term,so any chance of a day time nap is out of the question.

yes, I have a partner and family who help from time to time but being honest it doesn't really make that much of a difference.

Please, how do I get through this?

OP posts:
mitogoshigg · 28/10/2024 09:31

Nap, bribe with tv if necessary but mostly you get used to it. I've barely had a full night in 25 years after 2 bad sleepers I lost the ability to sleep throughout the night but I do go to bed for approximately 9 hours, I just get a lot less sleep

Original poster
milkycoffee97 · 28/10/2024 09:34

@mitogoshigg It doesn't feel like I'll ever get used to it. It's a shock to the system because my first was an amazing sleeper and I really took that for granted

OP posts:
ConsistantlyForget33 · 28/10/2024 09:35

Oh God, you have my sympathy, DD was 22 months old when I had DS, he fed every 2 hours and DD wasnt elegible for nursery until the baby was 5 months old. It was honestly one of the worst times of my life. I was single too and had literally no family or support anywhere. It was awful

5 is old enough they can play unsupervised in their room for half an hour, get a baby gate if you need to . They say the best naps to have are between 20 and 40 minutes, anything over and you'll feel really groggy and rough when you wake up

I couldnt nap as DD didnt nap anymore and was too young to be left unsupervised. There were several times when I just fell asleep from pure exhaustion and would wake up to a hysterical baby. If DD was older I think it would of been easier to manage

Original poster
milkycoffee97 · 28/10/2024 09:52

I can't leave my 5 year old unsupervised because he's got autism and he has no sense of danger so that's also out of the question 🥲

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 28/10/2024 09:52

It's a really hard stage, having a sleepless baby and an older child who needs entertainment and supervision and sleeps to a school schedule.
The only thing I can suggest is going to bed really early, and that probably means you won't get to see much of your partner. Presumably your partner is doing some of the baby wakes? Or is taking an evening shift so you can sleep?

Original poster
milkycoffee97 · 28/10/2024 09:58

@DelphiniumBlue Yeah, he's doing some of the wakes but then I feel guilty because he has work the following day 😞

OP posts:
thecherryfox · 28/10/2024 09:58

I feel for you. I was a single parent to a newborn and as it was during lockdown, I wasn’t able to have anyone else look after my baby for me to sleep for months. Sleep deprivation is scary and can lead to both mental and physical health issues, so I really hope you are able to get correct advice. Also, in context to your other reply that your 5 year old has no sense of danger and cannot be left unattended - I relate so much. My 5 year old is also on the spectrum and he cannot even be left alone on the toilet without rolling up tissue and shoving it up his nose. It’s exhausting not having time at all and being high alert all the time.

as you can see, I have no advice but I just want to let you know that you’re so much stronger than you may feel. You’re a great mum and you should be proud of yourself!

MildGreenDairyLiquid · 28/10/2024 09:59

Nap, whenever and wherever you can. Caffeine.

Original poster
milkycoffee97 · 28/10/2024 09:59

@thecherryfox Thank you. Wow, that must have been difficult during lockdown, I couldn't imagine that at all. Also hats off to you being a single parent, I honestly don't know how you do it

OP posts:
ConsistantlyForget33 · 28/10/2024 10:00

milkycoffee97 · 28/10/2024 09:52

I can't leave my 5 year old unsupervised because he's got autism and he has no sense of danger so that's also out of the question 🥲

It isnt, just make sure there is nothing he can injure himself with. My DD is autistic, as am I. My friends son is severely autistic, non verbal, still in nappies ect at 7 years old and she put a baby gate on his bedroom and made sure his room was safe. It is doable,

If your not comfortable doing that have a look for free out of term sessions, they hold them at local sure starts, churches ect, sessions are normally only 2 or 3 hours but that would be enough time to have a little rest

Catza · 28/10/2024 10:02

milkycoffee97 · 28/10/2024 09:58

@DelphiniumBlue Yeah, he's doing some of the wakes but then I feel guilty because he has work the following day 😞

Stop feeling guilty. The child has 2 parents and both are equally responsible. It's not like your husband is at work and you are spending a day at the spa. If you manage to get through the day on no sleep, so can he. Unless he is a pilot, of course.

Geranen · 28/10/2024 10:03

It gets easier. Both of mine shit sleepers, DS1 almost broke me but eventually I had just adapted it was just easier to sleep less. My mental health did suffer but I managed.

Could your DH do two hours in the morning? Mine would go to bed earlier, then take baby from 6-8 am while I got some actual sleep. It made a big difference (got no help at all with DS1.) Your DH can get a full night and still help you a bit.

Original poster
milkycoffee97 · 28/10/2024 10:03

@ConsistantlyForget33 He has a baby gate on his bedroom, but has now figured out how to open it.. I've looked at out of term things for him also, but they have also said because he has a 1:1 at school, that he can't attend them without an adult being with him and they can't accommodate without

OP posts:
Imisscoffee2021 · 28/10/2024 10:03

My husband does a night and I do a night, our 15 minth old has been a bad sleeper since he was 5 months. When I'm very tired my husband does 2 nights on duty in a row so I can catch up, made such a difference. He has a sedentary wfh job though ir its be trickier. We were both floored when his sleep got terrible, aaajf great to begin with but got so bad. Hope things improve it is a killer and with a 5 Yr old too!

Geranen · 28/10/2024 10:04

@mitogoshigg yeah my sleep is broken too, between kids (bit of a gap) it was like I'd forgotten how to do it. Wonder if I will ever get it back.

DelphiniumBlue · 28/10/2024 10:07

milkycoffee97 · 28/10/2024 09:58

@DelphiniumBlue Yeah, he's doing some of the wakes but then I feel guilty because he has work the following day 😞

Don’t feel guilty, it’s not your fault that your shared baby isn’t sleeping. And can I just point out that I, and thousands of other women, managed to go to work after an almost sleepless night, for years. Being a man and having a job doesn’t make it worse for him unless he is a lorry driver or similar. Good for him that he shares the load, but don’t feel you need to compensate.

Rella357 · 28/10/2024 10:08

I know this isn't recommended but I put youtube kids on my phone and make my DS1 sit next to me on thw sofa while I and DS2 sleep. I find the phone keeps him seated in one spot more than the TV. I also wake my husband up at 6 so I can sleep for a solid 2 hours before he has to get ready for work.

Didimum · 28/10/2024 10:09

milkycoffee97 · 28/10/2024 09:58

@DelphiniumBlue Yeah, he's doing some of the wakes but then I feel guilty because he has work the following day 😞

YOU have work the following day too, OP.

ConsistantlyForget33 · 28/10/2024 10:14

milkycoffee97 · 28/10/2024 10:03

@ConsistantlyForget33 He has a baby gate on his bedroom, but has now figured out how to open it.. I've looked at out of term things for him also, but they have also said because he has a 1:1 at school, that he can't attend them without an adult being with him and they can't accommodate without

Aw, my friends son did too, she ended up using one of those really tall baby gates. That's rubbish about the one to one. Can his school point you in the direction of a place that would accept him without the supervision?

Do you get DLA for your son or carers ect? If not, apply now, if you do already can some of the funds be used towards childcare for your son?

If your not bothered about them being involved maybe contact SS and ask what services they can provide?

I have only recently been diagnosed with autism but the amount of help I have received for DD who isnt actually diagnosed yet is fantastic ( her last stage of the assessment is November ) but she definetly is,

Social refered me for a carers assessment and I'm eligible for a personal budget, their helping with the DLA forms and I have a social worker who comes and takes DD out for a few hours once a week to give me some respite. Is that an option for you?

Ellsx6 · 28/10/2024 10:14

I'd love to know this too. Pregnant with my first and I must wake up about 15 times a night
For a drink, for a wee, because I've rolled on my back, because one sides aching so I've moved to the next, because DH got up for the toilet the list goes on. I feel so run down and crap every single day and of course you get the typical (wait for new born tiredness!!) when I say how much I'm struggling with sleep. I'm usually an amazing sleeper but it's been this way for about 3 months now!

Op, you have my sympathy!

Justsmileanwave · 28/10/2024 11:42

milkycoffee97 · 28/10/2024 09:34

@mitogoshigg It doesn't feel like I'll ever get used to it. It's a shock to the system because my first was an amazing sleeper and I really took that for granted

I had exactly the same fist was amazing at sleeping & 2nd was a nightmare same age gap too. She is nearly 13 and still an awful sleeper 🙈 you do get used to it but definitely have some chilled days with TV during half-term. You don't need to constantly be on the go with them all week. Sending hugs I understand how it feels x

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