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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you would do here?

18 replies

InThePinkScarf · 27/10/2024 21:10

My nearly 16 year old cat adores my neighbours. They also love him and have for many years.
The problem is, he is staying in their gardens too long, even past 9PM.
Should I start keeping him in one day and out the next to get a routine going?

OP posts:
SashMontgomery · 27/10/2024 21:11

Why is he not allowed in the gardens??

sprigatito · 27/10/2024 21:11

What's the actual problem?

Alwayssomethingtheretoremindme · 27/10/2024 21:13

What exactly is the problem OP?
Are you worried the neighbours aren't happy about this.
Or are you worried about his welfare, given his age?

FiveShelties · 27/10/2024 21:13

Does he not like your garden?

Not sure how successful keeping a cat in will be if he is used to being out and about.

Original poster
InThePinkScarf · 27/10/2024 21:17

I barely see him and he seems to just pop in for food and disappear again.
One of my neighbours in particular idolises him so not an issue there.
He has been going to the neighbours round the back for over a decade. But never to this extent. The older he gets the more he wants to be at hers.

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 28/10/2024 06:04

Cats do their thing. You can try to keep him in but hes happy going there

Doingmybest12 · 28/10/2024 06:15

I'm afraid your cat is moving in with your neighbours. They need to discourage it if you are not ok with this. But it sounds like they want him there so you are in a tricky position. I think making him stay in might drive him away more.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 28/10/2024 06:40

Unfortunately some cats do decide to move out and if they are an outdoor cat it's difficult to stop it without curtailing their freedom and quality of life.

One of my cats fell in love with a cat a few houses down. We hardly saw him except for food hit and runs and couldn't pin him down for grooming etc, and as a longer hair he started to look a bit feral.

One day the owner of said cats girlfriend knocked on our door with a kind of ten thousand yard stare on the instructions of his wife and we negotiated a formal transfer of ownership. It was sad, but who can stand in the way of true love? Both cats were neutered, so it was obviously a deep connection.

If you know your neighbours well perhaps have a chat about communal care? Unless anyone has a problem with his visits of course.

And I know it feels a bit personal so I sympathise. But cats are the captains of their own destiny in a way that dogs are not.

Anyway hope you get it sorted to everyone's satisfaction - including Mr Whiskers.

WonderingWanda · 28/10/2024 06:45

Are the neighbours feeding your cat treats?

My cat fell in love with my neighbour because she gave him milk. However, he loved her so much he started to deliver live mice to her bedroom which was not very welcome and the relationship seems to have soured somewhat...she has moved on to another cat!

Buttermill · 28/10/2024 06:52

I wouldn't want to cause the cat additional stress at 16 years old ny changing its routine. Its not doing any harm and will start piddling all over the house if its stressed and crying all night. Just let it be and shower him/her with affection when you see it

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 28/10/2024 06:55

Let him have his freedom, it’s vital for cats. He’s happy and safe and you know where he is. Maybe your neighbours have encouraged him more than is strictly correct but he’s too old to change his ways now.

RedRumRed · 28/10/2024 06:57

The neighbours are feeding him.

Tell them to stop.

Catza · 28/10/2024 08:05

Two of my cats "moved out". It's not nice but it comes with the territory. If you lock him in, he will leg it at the first opportunity and you may not see him again.
Maybe think about getting a dog as your next pet.

DaisyChain505 · 28/10/2024 08:14

You would be selfish to try and control what he’s doing.

The cat is happy and the neighbours don’t mind it being there. Let the cat do its own thing.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 28/10/2024 09:15

Sounds like fairly normal cat behaviour. They are very callous, no loyalty.

coffeesaveslives · 28/10/2024 09:19

RedRumRed · 28/10/2024 06:57

The neighbours are feeding him.

Tell them to stop.

Not necessarily.

We have loads of cats come to ours and chill in the garden and none have ever been fed.

Cats will go wherever they please.

Daleksatemyshed · 28/10/2024 09:20

Cats are great but they vote with their feet Op, if yours loves the neighbours shutting him in won't make the cat happy or stop him going to their house on the days you let him out. At 16 the cat won't change.

sashh · 28/10/2024 12:21

I got new neighbours a few weeks ago, my cat is currently sitting in their garden.

They love her, even though they have their own cat.

But then she visits 3 other neighbours too.

OP maybe impose a curfew / bed time. Ask them to not let him in after a set time.

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