Finally receiving the mental health support I always needed. AIBU to feel angry as well as grateful?

[QwertySplurge]

Lifelong mental ill health, and I'm now almost 50. From aged 20-45 I was fighting for help and treatment and did periodically and episodically receive some - usually though, I was told that I was "unresponsive to medication", "too unstable for therapy", "too dependent on services", "histrionically exaggerating my distress to manipulate professionals", "presenting in crisis too frequently" and so on so on so on. I didn't have any friends because my illness and behaviour made it impossible for me to offer anything to others. I was left feeling as though I was an unreasonable unpleasant entitled person who polluted the air of each psych ward I landed on.

For the past few years, though, I HAVE finally received ALL the help I need, through a therapist (I pay privately, NHS says therapy won't work), through a parenting support worker who actually "gets" me (from local charity) and a medication combo which does work (thankfully the NHS funds that). But now that I am coping because I'm receiving the help I have always needed, I'm angry as well as grateful. I spent all those years believing I was a terrible dreadful person for needing what mental health services couldnt provide - and IT WASN'T EVER MY FAULT I WAS SO ILL. And now I'll never get back those years or relationships or career opportunities.

AIBU to feel so intensely angry about this? And whether I am r not, how do I move on from feeling this way?

YANBU. I worked in NHS MH for many years in the early 2000s. I often think of all the patients we could and should have done better by. I'm sorry for your experience OP.

I used to be horrified as a student nurse about tales from the 70s and 80s and how people were treated in MH services, and yet, we were still treating people abysmally. You're not wrong. I believe you. It wasn't you. And you deserve to feel your anger in order to move through it.

I wish you all the best.

Feel as angry as hell for sure it sounds completely justified

speak with your therapist about how to express the justified anger safely, that may involve an outside complaint, but more important is the internal stuff - that needs acknowledged, expressed and released

have an end point or forward plan though

being ill and dismissed took so many years

do not let anger, even fully justified anger, take more years than absolutely necessary

my mental ill health related/s to abuse, lack of early intervention caused immeasurable and irreversible harm and led to further abuse

I can still feel a lot of anger and sadness at the injustice of it all

I allow myself the grace to feel it and then keep moving because getting stuck in it will cost me more years than have already been taken from me

ask your therapist to support you in making time to deal with the build up of anger, sadness and fear

and to create space going forward for when those feelings rear up now and again

I can’t give you many specific pointers as it is all so personal - your therapist and you yourself are best exploring what will meet your particular needs

💐

You are absolutely right to be angry. We're just at the beginning of this with my DD, 4 years so far fighting to get mental health help and the only useful support she's had has either been paid for privately or there was one set of therapy sessions we were able to access via a charity. The mental health system in the NHS is a shambles. Services are desperate to pass you off to someone else, and no-one is accountable overall.

I hope you continue to make great progress with the support you have now, you deserve it.

Of course, you are mourning what could have been if you’d have received the right treatment earlier and that’s very difficult.

Just - as much as you can - try not to allow this anger to kick recovery and wellness further down the road. My experience with my mum’s mental illness is that once one thing is solved, another issue - like this - takes it’s place. Obviously this is the illness itself, so if the anger is becoming an issue be really open with your therapist who sounds great and hopefully it can be dealt with before it interferes with your recovery.

I get it after experiencing the worst kinds of childhood abuse alongside physical health issues from an early age, I have had long term chronic severe mental health issues (and physical health issues) since school age.
I have engaged in support for well over 20 years but I have finally found a therapist who i believe will work in the way I need without a time frame privately (nhs is completely dire) but I now feel too past it and too Ill to actually be well enough to be able to tolerate “the work”
I worry that it may be too late to actually benefit from this therapy because every time we start to get somewhere I fall backward dramatically (historically I probably would have been hospitalised but you practically need to be bleeding out on the floor these days so have avoided it)

i have had some good but mostly not great to actually terrible support over the years.

i have done everything in my power to heal and live as best I can, utilising everything available to me to gain skills and resilience. Making the hard choices instead of the easiest choices because bigger picture I knew that was the healthiest choice. With the intention that one day I wouldn’t feel so bad and I could properly live!

I can’t help but feel if I had had good relevant support (both for my mental health and the physical health issues that were ignored because I had mental health issues and a history of trauma) in the early days I would not have ended up in the position I am now.
my therapist has been quite horrified by some of the examples I have given which has helped confirm that it hasn’t been me but them.

i am at the point ow where I sometimes think that I have fought so so hard and if this is the best it’s ever going to be then I just don’t want it!

Sorry I’m not trying to down the thread, I completely empathise with you’re point of view.

I wish you the absolute best of luck and hope your therapy relationship works for you @QwertySplurge

Thank you all. Certainly I'll speak to my therapist about this (and to even be able to say that feels such a self-indulgent privilege and a treat). But I am so glad to read on this thread that people hear and believe me and that I am not alone. Despite all the improvements made to public awareness and attitudes I don't think mental services have improved much over the past 30 years. That makes me so sad and angry for young people who need help today

The problem with MH services is lack of joint thinking. Every department is responsible for their own referral criteria and nobody is aware of the overall gaps in provision which means a lot of people do not meet the criteria in any service despite desperately needing support. It's frustrating for us as professionals as well. I spent many unhappy hours trying to convince CMHT to take on patients who repeatedly presenter to crisis services, sat in professionals' meetings where the decision not to treat was already been made before the meeting and patients being told they don't have recovery goals even though goal setting is, in itself, an intervention that often requires professional support. I am also angry on your behalf, OP. But do speak about your anger with your therapist and don't let it be a barrier to your recovery.