For the last year or so my MIL has been selectively ignoring me in my home during visits precisely when no one is around. I had a baby over a year ago and I have started off just ignoring this because I realise how petty the whole thing sounds and I’m super busy with other things.
I would ask her, “would you like a tea” , “would you like breakfast?” and she would not answer - my husband would come in and ask and she would have an immediate reply. This has gone on for months and multiple times during visits. At first I decided not to mention anything to anyone because it’s just so daft and I feel silly to say out loud.
Howvever during the last visit my husband and I were quite stressed out at the beginning of the visit due to lack of sleep and living in a small flat preparing for the visit etc. My MIl was not supportive and her reaction to our moment in need was constant comments like “that’s just how life is” rather than a supportive kind comment to help defuel the situation. The weekend went terribly and in the end after again a lot of being ignored I decided to mention the situation to my husband the day before she left. He was understandably confused especially hearing all this for the first time. He said he would say something but I said I don’t think it would help and she’s likely to deny it. I just wanted him to know what I’m having to deal with in my own home. I was happy to leave it as that and just rise above it all.
Anyway, on the last day I did my usual routine, ‘ Would you like any toast?” Ignored. My husband however happened to be in the room and and said “mum?” My MIL had obviously forgot herself, And she said “yes I’ll have some toast” It was then that we shared a knowing look and I felt a sense of relief not having a to deal with this in isolation. For me that was enough and I could move on, I really felt a weight lifted.
When she left we talk led a little about how he wanted to confront her about this and I said I’m happy either way I’m just happy he knows and understands but that l didn’t need anything more.
since then we’ve had a lovely atmosphere in the household and I feel really united with my husband
A month or two later my husband visited his mother alone and to see friends etc. He told me he was going to talk to her about this because he wanted to clear the air. I told him that was his decision. I didn’t mind either way but did say I was nervous for him that it might not end the way he hoped.
This weekend he went for the talk and I felt I had nothing to worry about. But he has had the talk and the result is that she denies the whole thing and has managed to convince him that it’s all in our head. I’m absolutely baffled because he saw it for himself. I’m now back to being totally isolated in this situation. But I know for sure it was happening I watched over and over many times during a long course of time. It wasn’t a one off.
How would you approach this situation?
All I want is his understanding of the truth.