Been with partner 10 years. I have a 14 year old son. Partner is not DS father.
I moved into partners home 8 years ago. He has no mortgage. In this time I worked out i have paid around £28,000 towards bills. I do my own supermarket shopping. He doesn't want to join me in this and instead chooses to use food banks. (I know 🫠). He is rolling in money. He is happy to eat out of date food or things that have gone off. I won't do this and instead buy my own food for myself and DS. We cook and eat separately most of the time although I do offer to make his meals, he declines and cooks his own things and eats them without us. I find this one of the most hurtful aspects of our dynamic for some reason. Anyway.
I have no say as to what happens within the home. There has been a problem with the toilet for a long time. It's about £700 to fix. I would pay this, but my issue is that it's his house and his job to do. He has the money, he just doesn't want to fork out for it. I have offered to pay half. But he still wont sort it out. Meanwhile we put up with a broken toilet. I feel resentful at this because I know it's about money and he doesn't care that the toilet is broken.
This is just one example. I paid for a new sofa as the one he had was so uncomfortable. He then flogged the old one for around £800 and pocketed that.
My son the other day said he wanted to live with just me. Just to add that DP is kind to DS although pretty disengaged. Its DS birthday soon and DP is going away for the entire weekend of his bday celebrations. This leaves me feeling like DP just doesn't give a f6ck. It's a horrible, lonely feeling. I am frequently on my own as DP likes to go out for long drinking binges with his mates. An example of this was when he went out at 2pm on a Thursday having finished work for the week and he returned at around midnight. He does call and text when he's out etc. I do not mind that he goes out, its not that, but it does not take away from the fact that I feel really lonely. I have tried to talk about this and all he does is make out that I should be able to get on and manage and be fine with his absences and that it's good to do our own things separately. I work incredibly hard at my job and I have put in a lot to get where I am and secure a good wage so i can support DS.
My question is, I am in a position where I could buy my own property and just leave and take DS and have our own home. I have been feeling unhappy for about 2 years. I have had counselling for this as I thought it was a 'me' problem. I have tried to talk about it several times. I get shut down. Please can you advise, mumsnetters? DP is a kind person but I don't think he's the right person for me. Shall I keep trying or buy my own home and leave?
You are being unreasonable- stay
You are not being unreasonable- leave