This happened a while ago but still bothers me. I was dating someone for a few months and we were intimate. I have to admit it was probably the worst sex I’d ever had - we just weren’t compatible. We stopped dating about a month after but remained friends as we were in the same friendship group.
About six months later he called me up and asked if I wanted to hang out - just friends. We went out to eat and then back to his place to watch tv. He then starts coming on to me, and as I hadn’t dated anyone in awhile I was lonely and we were just kissing and hugging, etc. He then wanted to have sex. I said no, wasn’t into it (it was not good the time before plus I didn’t like him that way any more). So I should have not even started kissing and hugging but the closeness was nice. Well he kept asking for sex, asking, asking, asking - I’m having a hard time seeing how it even seemed attractive to him since it was obvious I really didn’t want to!
You guessed it we finally did have sex - I guess I said a begrudging yes - and it honestly was just as bad as the previous times I was so disgusted with myself! I mean, if it felt good but was a mistake that’s one thing but having been more of a treatment than a treat I was sickened. I dressed right away and left as soon as I could. I know it wasn’t rape, I begrudgingly agreed. Remorse for sure.
But it’s that grey area between consent and giving in and feeling used and taken advantage of. Is there a label for this or in my mind should just consider it bad judgement and remorse part and him taking advantage of me in a vulnerable state. I’m trying to label what it really was, because I feel it was more his fault than mine.