Won’t take no for an answer

[Ducky98]

Just looking for some advise on how others would handle this.

I regularly meet up with a friend for a coffee, we sometimes have a cake too. I am trying to loose weight and have found by eliminating calorie heavy food such as cake works better for me than having it occasionally, I have a bit of cake realise how nice it then ending up eating it more often zero control and comfort eat.
However she just won’t take I don’t want any for an answer I have explained my reasons but she will repeatedly encourage me to eat it. She means well but I know what works for me and I have better control if I cut these foods completely. I have tried telling but she just says you don’t need to loose weight. I am not super overweight but I certainly would benefit from loosing a bit of weight.

anyone got any suggestions how to get the message across.

tell her you're trying to eliminate those foods from your diet. if she keeps trying after that then what a shitty friend and ask yourself whether she is looking out for your best interests

Trying to think of friends motivation …. You give her valid reason, but she’s just not listening. I can only think she’s just not listening to you.

I have a friend with whom I recently needed to have firm words with about my not drinking. I’ve told her that I have given up for one year. I will have glass of champagne in my birthday in few months. I’ve told her, it’s my decision. I’ve saved so many calories and money and feel great. Anyway, recently, again, she ordered wine for me and I had to practically shout at waiter. No bottle - one glass for HER.

I used firm tone - I said - Alice, I’ve told you many times over past 8 months, that I have given up alcohol, ALL alcohol. I don’t mind if you drink, but you ordering me a wine is really insensitive and rude. You have done it so many times, I try to be nice about it but you bringing me a bottle, ordering me a wine when I always say I’m not drinking and today is the last time.
Alice got upset & teary … which is her making it all about her. But she has stopped.
You need to be firm. She needs to respect you and not just think of herself. She is not being kind, she’s being a jerk.

Try Dry is a great app to help monetize drinking. & motivate stopping.

She doesn't mean well. Stop going for coffee with her and tell her it's because she doesn't respect your choices.

Agreed. If they feel bad they should skip the cake instead of trying to force the person they are with to eat it too.

Is she herself struggling with weight?

Could you meet her for actual lunch? That way you can eat together.

Finally, someone has said it. She absolutely does not mean well! How can guilting someone into eating something they don't want be well meaning?
She's rude and insensitive!

"No thanks, I'm having to watch my blood sugar - doctor's orders."

She can argue with you, but she can't argue with your non-existent doctor, can she?

Share a cake between u, save some if yr non macro dense calories for it, that’s wot I do every week rather than my f feeling she can’t have a cake bcos of me.

OP specifically said "I know what works for me and I have better control if I cut these foods completely." Why on earth should she have to share cake to make her friend feel better? The friend can have cake if she wants it, it doesn't mean OP has to join in. We don't have to participate in people's choices to make them feel better about themselves.

I know that for some people total honesty is the only way and it is laudable. However, there are occasionally situations where a white lie can make everyone's life a lot better.

OP if, on balance, she is generally a good friend and you don't want awkwardness or, worse, to lose her a white lie is perfectly permissible. The suggestion above isn't a bad one.

If it isn't the case, just go for the honesty.

I would refrain from seeing her until you're at your target weight @Ducky98

It sounds like she doesn't want you to lose weight.

.

She probably just doesn't want to eat alone and also feels bad sitting there eating a cake in front of you. Is there something else you can get yourself instead of a cake or can you go out for brunch or something instead?

I don't enjoy cake, so when I meet friends for a coffee, if I want to keep them company food wise I don't have breakfast, then get a scone/ tea cake.

Why should she have to do that? her friend is an adult who should be able to eat a cake without a friend partaking too.

You need the Italian response "it's as though I had said yes"! Thank you for thinking of me but actually it gives me just as much pleasure to see you enjoying the cake!

sorry If someone has said this already. Tell her you are pre-diabetic and have been told to cut out sweets, cakes and puddings to begin with.

I think that's kinda missing the point!

Well- I also don't like to waste calories (or money) on cake I don't like- so if I can turn it into a meal then it seems like a compromise.

Ask her if she is eating too much, repeatedly, until she stops.

Please can you stop commenting on what I eat. I'm sure you mean well but it's making me not want to meet up any more.

Share a cake between (yo)u

But OP doesn't want any cake

Her friend does want cake

Why would OP have to eat cake that she doesn't want?

Why would the friend not be able to eat her own cake that she does want?

She has previously struggled with her weight but doesn’t anymore.

We choose to go for coffee just because we both work full time and it the time suits us well, I have suggested we meet for a meal in the evening but doesn’t want to, I suspect money is tight for her which is frustrating as I would happily pay for her meal and have offered to.

Sorry that you're being held down and force fed cake OP. I can't believe no other customers see this and don't stop her.
I mean she must be doing that because it's the only way she can make you eat anything.

🤣🤣 thanks for you’re reply was most helpful