3 year old boy possible ASD

[ag12345]

Hi. I’ve posted here before but prior I think I was hoping he was just delayed but I think I’m coming to the realisation that he is on the spectrum.
So here’s the story… he is verbal. Can ask for wants and needs, has a huge noun vocab and a fair few verbs. Likes to say hi to people. Can speak in small sentences such as ‘it’s a dinosaur’ ‘I want banana’
he counts to 12, has been able to do this since he was 2 and recognises numbers 1-10 since he was 2 also.
he started pointing to request late around 22 months. Shared interest hasn’t been much of an issue like we will happily look at picture books together etc.
imaginative play is there also, pretending to cook food in his microwave, answering toy phones etc.
follows instructions, he understands a fair bit but not in line with his peers.
we have a private SLT involved and she’s doing a visit to nursery to observe him and I think this will be the deciding factor whether we go for assessment or not.
no real meltdowns, but is on his own agenda really. He flaps his hands when excited, but no other stimming and I don’t feel he has sensory problems (I work with Sen kids so I do have a bit of knowledge)
what I feel is missing is the social side of communication. It’s not completely absent. It’s just minimal. He will say ‘it’s a bird’ if he sees one flying past or an airplane. But that’s pretty much it really.
our SLT says he has already got some great skills and he will continue to develop but will his social communication develop? And is he likely to develop conversational speech? He’s come on so much this year. He only really started putting 2 words together at 2.5. I hope he will be able to bring me into his world.
would love some replies!
TIA x

I couldn't say whether your son has autism or not, but I just wanted to mention that my son was referred at 3, mostly for social and communication development (didn't want to play with other children and only wanted to do number-related activities). However, he improved so much from about 4 onwards, with little intervention (beyond preschool/school being aware of his diagnosis). Now, at 6, he plays with friends, is really good at communicating, enjoys imaginative play, etc. No noticeable delays compared to his peers.

I hope that's reassuring in some way - I remember being worried at that he would somehow be 'stuck' as he was at 3 but that hasn't been the case at all.

No I wouldn't jump to autism, sounds just a little bit behind socially he'll soon catch up.

My son has autism and he couldn't even talk till he was nearly 6!

I don’t think there is anything in your description that stands out but the SLT will be in a good position to advise further.

Learn how to sign and teach him, it uses a different part of the brain to speech and children that use signs regularly become fluent far sooner than their verbal peers.

It doesn't particularly scream autism, and it doesn't sound like whatever autism traits you see are causing him any issues but his speech delay is. Speech delay is common in lots of children who catch up through Primary.

@FuzzyGoblin @MeMyCatsAndI @MyLordWizardKing
Thank you for your replies. I really appreciate it.

my lord - that’s so lovely to hear. He has great skills already. He loves nursery and stuff. And he does enjoy playing with other kids like when they come over but they don’t ’play Together’ if that makes sense. But he takes them by the hand and says ‘let’s play’ you know.

he may well be delayed in that area, I don’t know. It’s difficult to say and I find this limbo stage to worst. I just have a feeling in my gut he’s different. And that’s ok. I’m ok with it, obviously no one wants their child to struggle but I feel he has already got some great skills and will be ok.

Sounds like a perfectly normal little boy.

Need to remember at that age they are still learning! Some kids are faster than others such as if they have siblings similar sort of age to them or a little older they will learn from them, or have been really socialised from being in nursery/child minders from a young age or lots of playgroups.
Everyone learns at their own pace, I honestly wouldn't worry nothing you've said sounds like a trait.

Obviously autism impacts every individual differently and some struggle far more than my DD does and others have much higher support needs but DDs doesn't hold her back. She is learning to manage herself and what she can cope with.

DD is very independent and has friends and enjoys spending time with them and they are all quirky in their own ways.
Has travelled with best friend into our local city today to go shopping we chatted about what to do if she feels overwhelmed, talked through what would happen on the bus as she rarely uses one.
Predicted 9s (A*) across all her GCSEs

Yes, we have to book extra travel days to give her time to decompress, she has a gazillion pairs of noise cancelling headphones around the place. She has the same lunch, uses the same cutlery, needs lots of downtime. But overall her autism doesn't hold her back at all. So if he does get diagnosis it isn't necessarily something that he will struggle with in an insurmountable way.

It’s not about how many words so much, it’s about communication abilities, especially in a social sense. Can he communicate feelings, what he enjoys or when he’s sad? How is his eye contact, can he hold it with you? Does he play with other children, alongside them or avoids them altogether if possible? Does he hand lead you to things he wants rather than try to communicate his needs? When he does use words, are they the same phrases used in the same tone/intonation every time?

Sorry that may be a bombardment but it will be what the SALT will be looking out for amongst other things in an assessment. Speech delay can be a diagnosis separate to autism, they’re not always one and the same, what is prevalent in ASD is a social and communication delay.

I'm an SLT and I work in autism diagnosis as part of my job. I also have some experience of diagnosis for children within my own extended family. To get a diagnosis, he would need to meet enough criteria, not just social communication, but also some behavioural traits such as sensory needs, stimming, rigidities. It does sound as though he has lots of strengths as well as some delays/needs. The important thing to focus on is how to support those needs, so he can develop, rather than whether or not he is autistic. Having said that, I completely understand why you are wondering about it, and getting an assessment so that you know either way can be really helpful and sometimes a relief for parents. Sometimes at this age they will say that he is showing some traits, but not enough for diagnosis, and they will monitor to see how he progresses so it can be a bit open-ended! His speech and language will almost certainly continue to develop. I often say to parents that when you're thinking about his social communication, if he is autistic, he will have different motivations to a neurotypical child, and so will be less bothered eg about showing you something or having a to and to conversation. So in order to do those things, he'll need to 'learn the rules' rather than doing it instinctively, which means he'll reach those milestones later than other children. And then he'll probably derive some pleasure or benefits from that, so he'll start to do it more, but maybe not as often or as naturally as a neurotypical child. Increasingly we are talking about autism as a difference rather than a disorder. Often it is accompanied by learning difficulties and speech and language delays but not always. I hope that's helpful, you sound like a very dedicated and loving mum and that will be the most important thing you can give your little boy.

Sounds like a perfectly normal little boy.

He’s a perfectly normal little boy, autism or not.

The OP’s son reads exactly like my youngest, and if he’d been my first I’d probably have not considered autism until someone else would have raised it. However, with the experience of two older children with diagnosed ASD (both with almost opposite speech development to each other), I could see more clearly how communication wasn’t developing. The op is doing far better than I did for my first, it might not be autism but absolutely taking the right steps having a speech therapist observe.

@LostTheMarble @Singleandproud i really appreciate your responses.
@ILoveADoubleEntendre - what you say is so interesting and I feel that a lot of what you said is exactly what I’m seeing. I am very proactive and I just want and will do anything to help him.

@LostTheMarble no feelings communication but we work on this in books so he can recognise when a person in a picture is sad or happy etc. but wouldn’t say ‘I’m sad’
he doesn’t verbally communicate ‘I enjoy soft play’ but I know he loves the park and soft play as he asks to go there a lot. His eye contact is mixed. He makes it, but it’s not like my first son who is 7. Plays alongside generally but will ask children ‘let’s play’ and hold their hand and take them to the trampoline. We are working on turn taking in speech therapy. He doesn’t hand lead. He can communicate, comes up to me and says ‘mummy I want icecream’ etc.
not the same phrases. So I don’t feel it’s echolalia.
thank you for your questions. He’s an amazing funny little boy, and is happy - that is all that matters to me his happiness. But I’d be lying if I said I am worried about what school life will be like for him even though he’s doing very well at nursery. It’s like everyone who’s involved with him is like ‘give it a bit of time and it may become clear’ does that make sense ?
:)

Unfortunately it does just take time as frustrating as that is.

However, that doesn't mean you can't research parenting techniques that work well for children with autism as those techniques will benefit all children. Clear boundaries, giving them a overview of what you will do that day, absolutely don't spring things on them.

If demand avoidant learning to phrase instructions as choices rather than demands until it becomes second nature.
For example:
child loves being naked and refuses to get dressed and gets dysregulated when told to get dressed, child also likes racing and winning.
Your goal is to get them dressed but actually you don't care what they wear.
Instead of telling them "get dressed", you hold up two pairs of trousers "which ones do you want to wear today?" - they have been given choice and power, then offer to time them to see how quickly they can get dressed.
That methods works for toddlers up to older children a good chunk of the time.

Body doubling, if you want him to d something you do it alongside him, or start first and he'll probably join you.

He’s an amazing funny little boy, and is happy - that is all that matters to me his happiness. But I’d be lying if I said I am worried about what school life will be like for him even though he’s doing very well at nursery. It’s like everyone who’s involved with him is like ‘give it a bit of time and it may become clear’ does that make sense ?

He sounds like a brilliant little boy! I heard the ‘give it time’ line so often, but autism or not, kids do make brilliant developments over time. A year ago my youngest couldn’t speak a single word, this morning he’s been singing every nursery rhyme going to me, the joy is in the moments as much as we worry about the what-ifs.

And I do get worries about school. With my second in particular, he has global delays and never truly developed beyond 2 socially or in communication. He’s currently at a mainstream placement with high support, I cried so much before he started. However, I went in for a child and parent craft day the other week and it was incredible. Not only how well he’s integrated in the last 2 years but how amazing the other children around him were. So many came up to tell him what a brilliant job he was doing, kids are bloody amazing.

Following as you have described my almost 3 year old DD down to a T!!! All the professionals we’ve seen say to wait and see, but I know she is different to other children her age. I’m also worried about how she will get on as she gets older, will the gap between her and her peers widen or close? It’s so hard not knowing

@carefulcareful did you want to connect? message me and ill give you my instagram and we can support each other

Hi
your son doing already way more that my one couldn’t do at that age
his speech, walking and social skills were delayed

now my son is at kindy doing great
he have a lot of friends so he catch up on social skills eventually

DONT GOOGLE TOO MUCH your boy doing great

@artemru thank you so much I really appreciate that. I do google too much and look through lots of mumsnet pages and it can be daunting sometimes. X

yeah i know you doctor googling alot coz i was doing the same,and actually convinced myself that my son is on the spectrum so even pediatrician when he said - negative for autism- I dont believed him and keep searching answers in internet or words of comfort from netmums

@ag12345
It's been a little while since your last post and your son sounds similar to mine who has just turned 3.5, so just wondered if there have been anymore developments? We're still waiting on NHS 1:1 speech and language sessions (it's been almost a year of waiting) and have only just taken on private SALT who seems to think my son just needs more support with his emotional regulation to help his speech. My son does have echolalia but the more his communication improves the less he seems to use it. We have decided to get him assessed but more because of the waiting lists and we're starting to get anxious as we know school is on the horizon in a years time and feel unsure where he'll be in the next year. Hard to not compare him to his peers especially as he's already come so far

Your DS sounds like my DD at that age. She first saw SALT at 17 months and was diagnosed at age 4. Echolalia was a big factor in her diagnosis but honestly, I would say to anyone who is even mildly concerned about SEN, to start the process as there’s a LOT of appointments prior to joining the waiting list, with a lot of specialists who will pick up on and make very clear if your child doesn’t meet the criteria for joining the waiting list. It can also be really helpful with understanding why your child does this or that. It was a SALT therapist who told me that my DD was signing a few things which she must’ve picked up from the small number of episodes she’d watched of Mr Tumble/Something Special! I had no clue as I don’t know BSL (DD is fully hearing).
The same lady also explained a few behaviours to me and I was really glad we went. God I miss that age!

@Ratchet101 hi lovely. I’m so sorry I missed this. He’s come along way. He speaks in bigger sentences now but is still delayed. His understanding has come on leaps and so has his listening and attention. Interacting a bit more with peeps if it’s like chasing games and stuff. He’s great to be honest. He has the odd meltdown but it’s very few and far between. He progresses all the time which is all I care about. Nursery support him very well. I’m glad you’ve got with a private salt because truth is, even if you get with NHS, I don’t think they will see you weekly which is deffo what my little boy needed. If you’d like to connect please message me on private message. It’s always nice to talk to people. He’s been referred now for assessment but the wait lists are so long here. It has been accepted but it’s looking like we won’t be seen until after his 6th birthday. He’s 4 in October! Crazy wait times x

@ag12345 and @ButteredRadish Thank you for your responses- really insightful and makes me feel we've made to right decision to push ahead to see the community paediatrician for next steps and hopefully join the waiting list. Had a few updates since my last post as we had someone from our LA come to assess DS in his preschool setting. Although she was only there for an hour, she immediately flagged that his preference is to play alone and that he appears "quite bouncy" in his movement. He was shy to talk to her but gave lots of smiles and eye contact. She also saw some rough play with other kids - he's recently began pushing and hitting other children when engaging in play and doesn't "appear" to recognise boundaries until other children tell him to stop, which has only just started in the past couple of months, funnily around when he started to engage more with other children in play with words. We had a meeting with her and the nursery SENCO who also gave clearer insight to how he behaves at nursery. To my surprise he speaks very little at nursery compared to home BUT follows much more instructions and shows more empathy to other children than he does at home or at playgroups I take him to. We suggested to start the process of an ehcp before he begins school (SENCO agreed) which was met with some reluctance from LA as she believes it will be rejected because while he shows he would benefit from support, he is showing progress on his own with things already in place (I.e our private SALT!!!) but did recommend extra funding to be given to nursery to allow them to free up some more 1:1 time with him. After more discussions (and persuasion!!) It has been agreed to apply for an EHCP as she agreed it would be better to have it in place before school. I think it might get rejected but better to try I think! His echolalia reduces all the time (I believe he's a mix of GLP and analytical if that's possible!!) and now many of his sentences don't have the correct grammar which makes me think it's his own spontaneous language. However he still struggles with abstract language and is only JUST starting to talk about things he has seen/places although still limited and will still struggle with "open" questions without a lot of guidance. Our SALT has been great but has dropped his sessions to once a month and I feel like he needs more - or maybe it's my own anxiety at wanting to feel like we're doing SOMETHING!... It's a lot to take on isn't it? The constant worry about your child's future and development. @ag12345 I would love to keep in touch - I'll private message!