To not give son pocket money

[Osory]

My son has just started engineering in Uni. It's a local college so he's living at home. We paid tuition and pay for DSs food, board, phone, gym, travel.
Have asked him to get a job to pay for other things - one shift a week maybe in local pub. He says he doesn't have time as is so busy with college and clubs.
Do most parents give pocket money while in college?
He's not split at all, asks for nothing really but seems under pressure with college

He has never had any need to get a job as he has always had access to money by the sounds of it.

You might find a few months of being skint will encourage him to get a job or he'll wait till he gets more money at Christmas.

Im a big fan of providing for 'needs' and 'wants' are funded by the child once they hit 16 and can get a job. No one is going to want to recruit a graduate with no work experience when they have the pick of those that have developed work place and time management skills whilst doing their degree orin the holidays.

Bank rolling won't do him any long term favours.

Getting a job could be the making of him but he won't do it off his own bat if he doesn't need to. It's often not just laziness IMO, there can be a lot of deep down being terrified/feeling they are not good enough. Easy to hide behind "I'm so busy" and some of them are just genuinely overwhelmed. It doesn't sound like that is the case here though.

I think you'd be helping him more to draw a clearer boundary around what you give him so he can start to take control of his finances. This is part of what uni is about. Give him the agency to decide for himself, don't tell him what to do but also a bit of discomfort is no bad thing. Personally I would add up what you give him and compare to some sort of independent benchmark (which would be max maintenance loan here in England) for perspective.

Thanks that's helpful I will do that. You may be right and there may be a bit of fear in it alright... I didn't mean to dripfeed but he has old diagnosis of dyslexia, dysgraphia, add... He seemed to have matured really well though and managed brilliantly for the leaving(with a lot of help from me admittedly!).
He seems to be coping well this year but I'll push him this weekend to make appointment with disability officer to make sure he's on their books as he was eligible for DARE.

Basically I still agree he should get a job , I think he might really enjoy it too but he's a ADHD personality type (like his Dad) so this might contribute to the feeling a bit overwhelmed

DS17 had to give up a weekend sport to accommodate his current work schedule. They need him at weekends as he's at school during the week. Something has to give. He can go back to his sport when he leaves his part time job.

DS understands that he can pick up his sport if he decides to heads to uni. It's just temporary.

Give him an amount to budget and let him get his own phone, gym, travel etc
That way he builds a credit rating

He is an adult so it is not "pocket money " it s you supporting him to study

Abroad I have no clue but as others say, kids at uni get loans. If you can afford it then I guess give him something? But tell him you'll give him only bare minimum till he gets a job. If he's responsible and works then you could say you'll pay into his savings for when he graduates.

The diagnoses is quite a drip feed as he is likely to be using significantly more brain power to study than the rest of his cohort due to his disabilities and therefore is likely to end up in burnout if he does too much. Sport is useful for keeping some of the hyper aspects of add at bay.

So with that additional information, I suggest he gets a volunteering role with his chosen sport, does a coaching or refereeing qualification and learns work skills via that route. But it would be less new things to learn and be a familiar environment. If he did volunteer work I would compensate him for his time as if it were a normal job.

yes I don't think work is possible, or a good choice, for all young people, especially those with disabilities. But even those who can't can still take more ownership than your son is having ATM. Learn to budget and make choices even if it's with a student loan.

Volunteering can be a good bridge if they struggle. Obviously it doesn't immediately solve the money problem but it builds towards getting a job.

Think flexibly too. Zero hours contract, lots of work in hols and very little in term time suits my autistic daughter well. For term time work most employers (well here anyway) tend to want at least one full day a week, ie either one full weekend day or two evenings. That is too much for her to manage so she works hols instead. She enjoys it a lot more than she thought she would.

Thanks all good to get the feedback... I'll keep at him with a few suggestions... I got a lot out of part time work when I was younger