What would you do?

[BusyMum111]

Okay bit of an awkward situation, my manager is a relative of mine but the relationship isn’t what it used to be. I have a meeting next week regarding my performance. I’ll be 9 weeks pregnant at this point. My meeting is with my Director and HR. It’s my first pregnancy and I didn’t want to tell anyone until I was 12 weeks, but I feel like I can only justify any mistakes made in this time because I’ve been so worried/ mind has been elsewhere regarding the pregnancy. I don’t want to tell my relative as I haven’t told the rest of my family yet/ my colleagues. It’s my news to share, I don’t trust her with it and I know she won’t keep her mouth shut. I definitely don’t want her to be one of the first to know. If I told HR do they have a legal obligation to inform my manager? It is only a small company so i guess they could just tell her anyway, but if I specifically asked them not to tell her for the sake of the rest of my family not knowing yet. What would you do?

I wouldn't use pregnancy as an excuse for making mistakes.

I don't know why people are so harsh. Pregnancy and especially early pregnancy can cause acute and sudden illness. I was desperately ill when I was pregnant with my first; luckily my work were understanding.

OP doesn't say she has been ill though. Illness including illness caused by pregnancy is a reason. Pregnancy isn't.

I’m not using it as an excuse, I own up to the mistakes I’ve made. But I have had a lot on my mind recently.

Tell your family now.

From experience, the problem with not telling anyone until 12 weeks is that if is something does happen you've got no support because nobody knows.

I didn’t want the post to be painfully long. I have been unwell for the last two months as a result of my pregnancy.

You need to tell them all now why. Just tell them, sounds like they're lining you up for dismissal so you need to tell them.

Even showing up for work in general has been a problem, I have had time off this week due to being so run down.

How long has your work been suffering?

I'd tell your family as it seems once you tell HR, it won't stay a secret

Congratulations on your pregnancy x

Well I’ve only made a mistake in the last week, I found out I was pregnant mid September.

You could tell HR and explain why you can't tell your manager.

They should be able to keep professional shtum and not tell anyone but they are allowed to say there is a genuine reason for your drop in performance which you are under doctors orders for or somesuch.

So you've only made one mistake and now are in a meeting regarding your performance? Sounds unlikely OP

Could you say you have am ongoing health issues which you have an appointment for in 3/4 weeks?

Your 9 weeks, just tell your family now.

The magical 12 weeks thing is just a number.

You've made one mistake and owned up to it and now in a meeting with a Director and HR? Were there already concerns about anything else?

Tell them and tell them you don't want it to go back to the relative manager and explain why. They should be professional enough to do this. Unless your manager needs to know for H&S purposes.

Also if you are ill it's better to be off than go to work and make mistakes.

Congratulations OP! Hope you are not too sicky.

I'd tell your manager you are pregnant ASAP- beginning of meeting at latest, as then you have a "protected characteristic" - especially if this is the actual reason you are making mistakes.

If you lose your job (is that what you're worried about?), it will be hard to get a new job, with mat leave, before baby is here. Your duty is to your baby and yourself - don't feel bad about expecting people to make allowances. We would all have had that privilege when we were in uteto ourselves.

Also this.

If something DID happen and there was a problem with the pregnancy (touching wood there isn't), you'd need your employer to know anyway.

Tell them immediately you have protected status whilst pregnant