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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To finally snap back to DM

8 replies

Autumn1000 · 25/10/2024 18:17

I've finally exploded at my mum. I've just had enough of her constantly minimising and always thinking I should put up and shut up. My whole life stuff has happened to me from men and my mum says "was it that bad" "he didn't mean it" "don't complain you'll ruin his life"
How about the men shouldn't have behaved in a certain way and don't minimise and victim blame.

I was in a very abusive relationship. She actually said are you sure this is happening to you and you're not exaggerating. I was a complete mess due to abusive ex and ended up in a refuge.

I had a sexual harassment case at work years ago. He sent me unsolicited dic* pics and spiked my drinks with extra alcohol. He would not leave me alone although I'd made it very clear I didn't fancy him. When I went to HR about my mum said to me "don't get him fired you'll ruin his life"

Today there was a case whereby a worker was being intimidating towards myself and DS. I told her and she said don't complain think about his job and family and life.

She wants me to put up, shut up and smile to men. Not make a fuss. No wonder I ended up in such awful relationships I had no boundaries, thought it was normal to let men treat you so badly. So I've lost it with her. I've told her that I'm entitled to an opinion and if someone upsets me I can complain if I want because they are in the wrong and I shouldn't be made to feel bad for it.

Aibu to finally say something back to her. I've had enough

OP posts:
TimeForTeaAndG · 25/10/2024 18:20

Well done. It's awful to have someone who should be looking out for you basically say that you don't matter.

WomenShouldStillWinWomensSportsIsBack · 25/10/2024 18:20

Jesus Christ I thought people with those sort of opinions had died out with the dinosaurs. 🦕 I mean those examples are like internalised misogyny bingo right there.

Butthechildrentheylovethebooks · 25/10/2024 18:28

Its not the same, but my DM never had my back when I was younger. Always sided with the other party. It definitely added to confidence issues and feeling apologetic of my presence at times.
I did recognise what she did was wrong at some point and told her every time.

I cannot imagine not giving my DC full support and you definitely deserved better. Well done for setting her straight now.

Autumn1000 · 25/10/2024 18:35

Thank you. My confidence and self esteem have been rock bottom most of my life. Its only recently I've felt I can voice that actually it's not ok. I still doubt my thoughts at times though because my mum is always in my head and making me doubt myself

OP posts:
PrueRamsay · 25/10/2024 18:39

So sorry you have one of these.

Mine told the police that I was a “drama queen” when my XH kicked the shit out of me. I was actually lying on the floor whilst he kicked me in the groin, wearing shoes.

They hate women in general and mine particularly hated me. Being NC was the best gift I ever had.

JackieQueen · 25/10/2024 18:51

Good for you op!👏

Autumn1000 · 25/10/2024 20:17

Thank you, just makes me feel sad that I don't have that family support

OP posts:
Kitten1982 · 10/02/2025 19:00

Holy shit, OP. For a minute, I was worried I’d written this and forgotten about it. My mum has been giving me the silent treatment for defending myself when I was knocked out on Christmas Eve, and she took their side and called me a drama queen for not wanting to be in my house with them. And I really went for it because she’s done this my entire life and it is so bloody horrible.

I miss my mum because when someone isn’t seeing my boundaries, she’s okay. But it’s just so heartbreaking to have a mum like this. I wish I could give you a (consensual) hug because I know how absolutely heartbreaking this is. I wish I knew what to say to make it better. If I figure it out, I’ll let you know. All my love and solidarity Xxx

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