why is being a grandparent so hard?

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I've posted before about the issues seeing/having contact with my step grandchild. I want to get as much information in as i can, so as not to be accused of drip feeding anything.

Grandchild is my DH's son and his partners child, so technically my step grandchild (GC1) I also have a grandchild of a similar age from my DD and her DH (GC2). We try very hard to treat both GC equally. both are less than a year old and very close in ages. The main differences are that GC1 lives an hours drive away, whereas GC2 lives pretty much round the corner and mum of GC1 has gone back to work whereas GC2's mum is in a very fortunate position of not having to return to work at all if they do not chose to do so.

I posted recently that GC1's parents were expecting us to have an overnight once a week where we were responsible for pick up and drop off etc, and GC2's parents had never asked us outright to have the baby but it was something we wanted to do. I will not lie, we were exhausted, as both myself and DH are still working, and having GC1 on our days off, we had not time for us let alone anyone else.

I admit, i do see GC2 probably every other day, they live round the corner, they pop in for chats and catch ups and sometimes invite us for walks and a coffee etc. GC1 lives so much further away so contact is less.

Parents of GC1, now that we have knocked the sleep over every week on the head are demanding to know how much time we actually spend with GC2?

So the point of my post is AIBU in not actually telling them? or should i be honest?

Why is it such a juggling act? why do i always feel so guilty seeing one GC over the other? I can't seem to be allowed to spend time with my own DD and her child without making the (we shall call her DIL but they are not married) envious? I'm not allowed to comment on how much time she spends with her own mother, and i never would.. its her mum? why is it so complicated

Hi SS and SDIL, I think there’s some confusion here, we don’t spend any time babysitting GS2! As we’ve said to you, we would find it far too much of a strain to take regular overnight responsibility especially. We do see GS2 regularly of course when I, and sometimes of course your Dad, spend time with my DD and her family. It’s a real shame that you guys are too far away to do this as that’s what we really think we all miss out on - family time all together. We often get to go along with DD when she takes GS2 to the park for instance, and we’d love it if we could do the same more regularly with you - come along with you to activities you could take GS1 to nearer us, or maybe we could travel to you to do some joint days out sometime soon?

You’ll get radio silence to this I imagine as they don’t want you to ‘spend time’ - they want free childcare. Without them having to be there!

Tricky situation OP. The issue is that your husband is the father of your SS and GF of your SGS so you both are considered GPs of GC1 (rightly so IMO).
GC2 is your biological GC and I presume non biological GC of your husband (but you and your husband are considered GPs of GC2 (rightly so IMO).
Your daughter is in the fortunate position of not having to work whilst GC1's parents don't seem to have that choice. Once a week sleepover is a big commitment for childcare but I can see why they might request this if you were not working FT. If your daughter made that request, would you still feel it was too much?
I'm not being critical of your feelings but the issue of children in families where there has been remarriage/additional children (as some examples) needs to be treated carefully.
My biological GC have 2 older siblings (not biologically related to me) but I consider them 'mine' in the same way as my GC and treat them the same.
In the best interests of all, I believe that works best.
I empathise with you OP and it is so easy to get it 'wrong' when you are doing your damned best to get it 'right'.
Wishing you well

Is your stepsons mother around? Surely if she is, your stepsons mother should be doing granny duties too?

Just leave it to your husband to sort out.

As the parent in the same situation as you, my children ended up with a better relationship with their GPs than those that were nearer. Ours always saw them for extended visits, holidays, long weekends, to make the travelling worthwhile. It fostered a deeper relationship than simply going over for an hour or two at a time. The time we did spend together was prioritised, whereas nearby ones would be doing clubs, up in their rooms, agitating to go home and do their own thing.

You've got your facts wrong. The son is a stepson not the grandchild

I know. I corrected myself in the next post.

How dare they demand to know how often you see your grandchild. They're a pair of CF. I'd tell them straight that your daughter visits often so in turn you see GC2 often. And if they ever bothered to visit you'd see GC1 more too.

I'd also point out you're not a free babysitter because, let's be honest, that's all they want you for. Do not let this pair of CF make you feel guilty. Your husband really should be having a word with his son.