About correcting wrong spelling and pronunciation of surname

[MrRobinsonsQuango]

A family member always spells and pronounces my name wrong. Think Robsen, when it’s actually Robinson. This week l asked them not to do this as it’s not actually my name. Im rude apparently. They were having a bad day and it’s not their fault they forgot on that occasion. They said similar to me last time l challenged them… For clarity it’s a few years into this change (so it’s not new!) and they are a close family member

Yes it is rude and arrogant. You should be called your correct name.

I’m someone who constantly struggles with names and faces. I had one dear friend and I could never remember if her name was Marie or Maria. Luckily she didn’t care, but I could not for the life of me get it right. Everytime I would concentrate and remind myself it’s not Marie is Maria, only to be reminded it was the other way round. I gave up in the end.
I haven’t seen her for a few years now and I’m pretty sure her name is Marie. But anyway, my point is some people genuinely struggle with names that are similar and their brains don’t register the details.

My thoughts exactly. But they have said lm rude and intimated lm arrogant! I just want my name said and written correctly!

My DM sends letters and cards to me as Mrs (DH's name) although she knows that I didn't change my name when we married (years ago).
It's just arrogance and/stupidity. Reminding doesn't help. You know your name. The only time to correct them is if they are introducing you to someone new. Otherwise it isn't worth the energy of being annoyed.

Jesus. Write it down. A dear friend and you can't remember her name?

My in-laws do this.

I may have changed my surname, but I did not change my first name too!

Makes me so cross

Just roll your eyes and move on.

And obviously keep correcting them every time.

But don't worry about their attitude because it doesn't sound as though you'll ever change it.

This just sounds like and excuse for rudeness.

You didn't learn her name because you couldn't be bothered.

If it bothered her like this bothers the OP, I'd like to think you'd take the time to learn it.

I have exactly this problem with several school mums and name endings! Is it Joanna or Joanne? Is it Therese or Theresa? Is it Suzanne or Susannah? In the instant moment at the school gate with a zillion things going on I just cannot hold onto that information in my head for some reason.

But agree OP's close relative has no excuse.

I've had this trouble too. A colleague who is Brendan, I want to call Brandon and the harder I think about it the more difficult I find it.

I'd still expect him to correct me though and be embarrassed that I'd got it wrong again

@MrRobinsonsQuango Start misspelling and mispronouncing their name. If it's your mum start calling her Auntie Jane, and having a bad day. If it's not a big deal then they won't complain.

i haven’t seen her for a few years now.

I wonder why?

I had this all the time with my maiden name. I was even told - on more than one occasion - that I was spelling and pronouncing my own name wrong.

I found it staggeringly rude.

Fwiw I’m a teacher and I always tell my pupils if I ever get their name wrong (secondary: I teach over 100 pupils) then they must tell me immediately. It’s an absolute basic courtesy.

I think making a mistake with someone you only see occasionally is forgivable. A close family member should know better.

That would have literally meant walking round the office with a post it note, my brain just gave up.

@OhMyGollyGoshGosh

Every second post in mumsnet mentions neurodiversity. It’s a real thing, some people struggle. She was a dear friend and luckily for me she didn’t care. Having said that I never care if someone calls me the wrong name so i dunno 🤷

I came down with chronic fatigue and had to leave the place we worked at together. I eventually became too tired to maintain any social life so I lost contact with a lot of people. My poor brain function at the time was probably an early sign of my illness.

My first name is British, my surname is not. No one in this country can spell or pronounce my surname correctly, even people that I've known from childhood pronounce it wrong. Equally, in my other country no one can spell or pronounce my first name.

Maybe it's because I've always had this going on, but I really don't care and I do wonder why it's something that some people get so worked up about. Is it because you think that people do it on purpose, to upset you?

No, every second post does not.

But if you're blaming neurodiversity, you should probably have mentioned it in your original post.

There are no crystal balls here.

I am torn between calling them Sean, if they were called Steve. Or just reminding them every single time whether they get irritable or not.

It is peak arrogance saying you are pronouncing and / or spelling your own name wrong! It is your name?! It says a lot about a person who does that

@madnessitellyou I have had multiple people ask me if I'm sure that's how to pronounce my first name. Slightly more tactful than telling directly me I'm wrong. Slightly veiled comment on my mother being an idiot.