To feel like we don't have to spend both days with in laws over Christmas is ok ?

[pellei]

A Christmas one already...

My in laws live nearby and pretty much every year, we spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day together.

My parents live in another country. They come over for Christmas quite a bit and if they're here, we always spend it together with in laws. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

In our culture, both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are a big deal.

Anyway, I get when my parents are here, it would be rude- to just spend it with my parents and not in laws. Last year we invited in laws over, had a huge dinner together. It was exhausting.

This year, my parents aren't here, so I suggested we just spend Christmas Eve as a family with our small children and see the wider family on Christmas Day. My husband says we can do that, but that his parents will feel snubbed.

We've done it once before and I really enjoyed it. I was pregnant at the time so I guess we kind of ' got away ' with it. I just want to chill.

I would even just get a takeaway. In our families it's all about cooking these ridiculously elaborate meals and I just cannot be bothered with all the mess and clean up.

How can this be done without offending anyone ? ?

"we want to create our own traditions for our young family"

Create your own and show your kids they don’t have to do what others want either. They can choose there way when they are adults.

Just say you are having a quiet Xmas eve just at home and will see everyone as normal on Xmas day

I wouldn’t worry about offending them tbh.

You live close enough where you likely see each other regularly. Why must you see each other on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day? Could easily just come together on Boxing Day.

If they must come over to yours, say we’re having xyz takeaway and they are welcome to join you all or bring their own food.

Make your own traditions. As grandparents, we fit in with what our adult children want to do- which is be at home with their own children.
Your not stopping seeing them at Christmas, which would upset them, just doing your own thing.

The issue is your Husband
Its fine to spend Christmas Eve just with your little family and a takeaway, its nice and its time to make your own traditions but he needs to see that too

Anyway, I get when my parents are here, it would be rude- to just spend it with my parents and not in laws

Would it?

Is it you cooking and cleaning up after these elaborate meals? If it is important to your DH he can knock himself out but he has to take on the labour or...you can just have what you want one day and meet his parents the next. Maybe their present can be one of those Stem mechano kits so they can build a bridge and get over it

Let them be offended. Who cares. They don't get to call the shots forever. You have your own kids and making your own family traditions trumps that.
Can't imagine dragging my kids around to please grown adults who have had their eternity of having their own way.
Also if you have them over, then everyone pitches in with food and helping out.

The first time you lay down a boundary it's tricky, but once you've set a precedent, it will become easier going forward. So they'll be a bit miffed, tough, they'll get over it. This is your life/family, you are entitled to your own time/traditions. Just, 'We'd like to spend X Mas Eve as just us, but look forward to seeing you on Christmas Day.' You don't need to explain yourself.

Ask him what he plans to cook for them.
No plan? No visit!

This.

We got some raised eyebrows when (even pre-kids) I didn't attend the six family get togethers with in laws over nine days of Christmas holidays.

Parents should accept that your kids belong to three families - grandparents on both sides, and their own nuclear family. When you factor in friends too you can't expect everyone to be involved in everything as they were before.