Steparent drama

[Arcoiris3101]

So I have a stepdaughter (11) and a son (3) and I have been with my husband for 9 years. We have a very amicable relationship with her mum and partner. We text each other if she's poorly or an issue has happened at school. I do a lot of the childcare since I work part-time now but did before anyway since I could and I don't mind it, I love her like my own (well almost ifywim).
When I say we text each other it would be me texting mum directly instead of husband about important stuff, like if I've had to take her to the doctors or again school stuff that has happened while in my care. However recently, her partner has texted me about similar issues like him being ill/school stuff. Am I the only one who thinks this is not okay? I know I text the mum instead of husband but I'm obviously texting the MUM not the steparent. I would not text her partner about the issues. I wouldn't mind the occasional time but it seems to have become a trend...

I think both your husband and the ex are living their on easy street whilst their new partners are handling the drudgery of daily parenting.

I don’t think it’s inappropriate for the ex’s partner to message you - if he is in charge of the children at that time then he is the one that needs answers or to communicate something and it saves the faff of messaging his wife who then messages you, you message back and then she has to message her partner and hope like hell he doesn’t have a follow up question or the cycle begins again.

I agree that this communication should be between the parents - but this means you need to step back as well and not let your husband delegate his parenting duties to you.

I agree with this and struggling to see why it’s ok for you as a stepmum to be texting (delegated from the dad) but not ok for the stepdad to be doing so (delegated from the mum). It sounds like the stepchild has 4 adults taking on parental duties, lucky stepchild!

Well it sounds like he thinks you might need to know the information more. I can see why you think it's odd but it sounds like you do a lot of thr primary caring when she's at yours. How do you reply ? Maybe a few "I'll pass this along to father, here's his number in case you don't have it" would sort the issue.

It sounds a bit like both the parents are palming her off on her step parents. I would see this as a sign to reassess that I didn't feel taken advantage of.

Create a whatapp group that includes yourself, husband, ex wife and new partner. Set it up this morning and add their names. Name the group after DSD.

Then everybody is clear about what’s going on etc regardless of whom is texting

WhatsApp group for all four of you? That way everyone has all the updates.