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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bully boss

2 replies

flowergod13 · 25/10/2024 00:17

just wanted to know peoples views on this whether I am being over sensitive and if anyone has been in similar situation. Sorry it’s a long one!

So I am 1 of 3 discipline leads reporting to same director as he is being transferred to another area of business we were informed that we will get new line manager and should expect a call by end of week.

Almost 2 weeks never heard anything noticed the others had move across to our current line manager’s manager so a level up so to speak. This is where we thought we was all headed from a quick chat between us

I queried with the senior director why I hadn’t not heard anything so a call was arranged to which I was told that I would now be reporting to 1 of the 2 colleagues. I was informed she would be taking over a more holistic role where my discipline would now sit. Obviously shocked as it wasn’t expected and this person has no experience of my discipline. I was also peed as my line manager had said that this was a role which I was working towards and had attended courses. This new role has not be advertised.

This call was with the senior director who has a reputation of being abit of a bully and is feared. She just doesn’t have great people skills.
After I expressed my disappointment professionally and said I did not agree with this but if that is what it is then I need to think what I want to do as I didnt think my career was heading that way., the call took a turn where she became quite irate and threw a comment in there around my performance. For the record my performance has never been raised as a concern I have always received high praise from across the business and on PDRs

Anyway the change has happened there hasn’t been any further meetings as was promised to discuss. However since the call there has been 3 occasions where this senior director has been quite shitty with me:

  • I decline a call on my non working day where by she responded with the deadline is next week - anything outstanding needs to be picked up as a matter of urgency. This is relation to work which is not in my remit I was just asked to help.
  • I rearranged a Mtg due to a drs appointment. This mtg is a regular call with has been in diary recurring for 2. Years. She’s never had interest in it before. Asked why I rescheduled and that it was important I held the mtg for the team. Please advise. Replied and explained drs and that everyone could make the revised time - no response from her.
  • Said meeting occurred today and tbh I had little cry afterwards. I felt like I had a dressing down in front of everyone on the call. Firing questions taking over the meeting, then as I unsure when to continue after she asked everyone opinions on what needed to be done with regards to how I manage this area, there was slight pause where she was gesturing aggressively to talk - almost like go on then. Lots of eye rolling whilst I was speaking, asking me to explain things which I had already discuss with her such as mistakes made by the team and asking me whether checks had been done and they hadn’t this particular time (which shouldn’t have happened I accept but I was on leave and it was a one off simple mistake missed by the team) but she was already aware of this it was like she wanted to highlight to the team this failure.
I feel so disheartened by it all. A colleague on call called me afterwards to say it was disgraceful and would support me should I wish to report her. I get the feeling they want me out but given I have 15 years service don’t want to pay me redundancy. Has anyone ever been in this position who could advise what to do? For the record others have complained about her but nothing has ever been taken formally as people are so scared of her. I have concluded that I have nothing to lose and quite prepared to see it through with HR but on the other hand not sure if I am just wasting my time. Any thoughts?
OP posts:
username852 · 25/10/2024 03:01

Are your meetings recorded? Start keeping a diary and collect evidence of her behaviour such as emails, recorded meetings and witnesses like the colleague who called.

Speak to your union, if you're not in a union call Acas for further advice.

Icepinkeskimo · 25/10/2024 03:24

I don’t believe you are being over sensitive at all. This boss sounds like a piece of work. Fifteen years at one company is a very long time. Realistically you have two main options, you can look elsewhere for another position, or fight the good fight, but at what cost?

I really dislike this undermining tactic that you described. The next time she does this take a tip from me, adopt my 5 second silence approach. It gives you time to forward think your response, but best of all it stops the barrage of abuse temporarily, (and bullies hate that as they lose control of the narrative).

Have a good think about what you want, not what she wants.

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