To be upset that my ex-husband's family never reach out?

[Oodiks]

We separated 3 years ago, and they've just dropped us.

Although I have virtually no contact with my ex-husband, I'm still in touch with my stepchildren (29 & 32), but my daughter and I don't hear from her grandma, aunt, or cousins on that side.

When my daughter didn't get a birthday card from her grandma the second year after we'd separated, I got in touch and her response was that she'd told my ex she'd sent one. It never arrived and, apparently, she just gave up. I did contact my SiL last October because I thought she and my (ex?) nephew were still in Israel and she responded that they'd left and they were safe, but that was it.

When my parent split up my Dad's Mum and my Mum stayed in touch, perhaps that's set unrealistic expectations?

Am I being unreasonable to think his family should want to stay in touch with our daughter?

How old is your DD and does she still have contact with her dad?

I stayed close with my ex inlaws and still am now, 24 years on.

My DD will be 19 in February and has no contact with her dad. In the beginning he texted randomly and sent occasional emails, but she didn't respond because he just wrote sentimental guff and accusations against me.

If that's the way they are then your daughter isn't missing out on anything.

In the exact same position. Ended a 20yr relationship 2yrs ago. My ex hasnt bothered with our children since. Neither have his family.

It's crazy when you really think about it. Knowing someone for 20yrs, all those birthdays, christenings, christmas' , family gatherings, Saturday nights out, days out....etc all that time spent together and now it's like me and my kids don't exist. Ghosted by the whole family.

My dd1 is 25 , she hasn’t had any contact from my ex or his family for 20 years!

Not everyone has the same keeping in touch level

If people expect anything from others it won't match what they want

Seems to be a sad pattern here. Broke up with DP a few weeks ago, rather acrimoniously as he was cheating. He was worried about 'losing' DD who is 30 and who lives with me part of the week as I like close to her work.
Hasn't been in contact with her at all.

Does your DD contact them?

I haven't seen or spoke to my ex-DH's family since we announced we were getting divorced. Can't say I've missed them either to be honest. I am remarried now and my current DH's family are my family now.

Coming on just to say what an arse he is, effectively abandoning a teenager! I know she hasn't been replying to him, but he should surely realise it was because he was slagging you off and stopped and tried to see her? What a thing to go through at that age. Makes me so furious. Hope you and your DD are doing okay.

@Oodiks I think the texts to your DD show why his family are cool towards you. They have sided with his version of events. It’s that simple. They cannot see past that to be grandparents. It’s awful really but how engaged were they before the split? If not much then it’s easy to back out now. I think it’s deeply unpleasant but is your DD going to miss them in her life? It’s a sad fact that some people are not worth your brain space.

She did at my suggestion but it’s not a regular thing. He spent part of each week at mine so they saw each other then.

Yep similar situation here. Never checked in on me or their grandchildren. 20 year relationship youngish children at the time. I didn’t expect contact myself. But thought the children would have. My child mentioned how she hasn’t seen her aunt/uncles since we had split and how she won’t be inviting them to her wedding. Sad but true.

Never had much contact with his sister, but saw his mum quite a lot and hosted her, his ex, and my step kids for Christmas for 5 years before we emigrated!

His mum helped out a lot when my step kids were little and the same with my nephew, so we saw my nephew a fair bit when he was young, but then they moved away.

No, she was a traumatised child who’s family had just fallen apart 3 years ago and now she pretends it doesn’t matter.