Husband training other peoples kids

[ZingyBiscuit]

Some context:
Husband had a girlfriend before we met. They liked threesomes ( with husbands friends) this is not something I do. this was many years ago.

DH coaches our dc team, and was recently invited to coach a friend dc team. I then find out the ex girlfriend’s dc plays on said team.
we have a conversation that I didn’t like the situation and how it makes me feel. He hasn’t been since.

While I am working away DH then calls me and drops into conversation casually that he’d been to train said team.
This is also on the same night his parents invited him for dinner with family who he rarely sees and he didn’t go.
I have told husband I think the situation is weird and I don’t like how it makes me feel, I feel sick to the stomach!
AIBU to feel upset and betrayed or am I over reacting?

Do you think they're arranging a 3 some?

@OhMyGollyGoshGosh I don’t really know what I think.
A three some maybe not. Interest there, maybe? Who knows? Maybe I’m just and not thinking straight! We do generally have a good relationship and I have no reason to not trust him, just getting a bad gut feeling which makes me feel shit.

The threesome thing is irrelevant. You don't want him in contact with (this? Any?) Ex. It doesn't sound like he's sought her out just that she had kids that play on a team that he helps out with coaching. I think you're overreacting here. It's not like they're arranging dates. It's not even like so many threads here where they are contacting each other or working together. It's a fairly removed association.

Is the friend who invited him to coach another team one his friends who also joined your husband in bed with his ex?

I kind of see where you're coming from if that's the case, I mean if it's just coaching the kids and he comes home or if it's a friend that hasn't been part of his sexual relationship and if just happens to be a coincide his ex girlfriends kids are playing on this team and there's no link then I'd think over reaction but what you describe makes it sound like the friend inviting him to coach is the friend who made up some of the threesomes and shared a bed with your husband too?

I kind of think if that's the case I can see why you're not happy, there's already the history there of these two men being part of the same sex life and discussing old times, and then I guess there's the chance of the friend hoping your husband invites him to your bedroom with you.

So for me, on the surface, he's doing nothing wrong in coaching the kids team but I totally see why you're concerned too. I don't know what the answer is though.

It sounds like you're using his previous sexual experiences as a reason to distrust him, it's close to "well he's bi so obviously he's going to cheat".

Unless he knew his ex was there, it's a coincidence and you're being far too paranoid and distrustful

Thanks it’s good to get different viewpoints. He does know the ex would be there. I have told him how this makes me feel previously. And more weird is that she then appeared on my fb as a suggested friend. I have never searched her? I don’t have any reason to not trust him, just don’t like the gut feeling this gives me and so just needed others views. Thanks

I don't know OP. You told him you didn't feel comfortable about something and he did it anyway. I think that's the issue. He prioritised that over the family meal thing. That's the second issue for you.

The fact he had threesomes with the lady and his mates just creeps me out but I appreciate we're all different.

I think you're feeling discomfort and that's for good reason. It doesn't mean he's off cheating but you're uncomfortable. I don't think you're unhinged or possessive to feel as such. Your instincts are saying something here. Out of respect for you I don't think it's unfair to keep a massive distance with the type of history they've had. I may get flamed for this but let's say he's a great guy to be trusted, is she? I think it needs a much greater discussion in person with him and just see what he says. You'll hopefully read things by his reaction.

@Tittat50 thank you. And yes more the fact that he missed the meal and went and did this while I am away working, with DH casually dropping into the conversation that is where he went this evening! It’s just made me feel like shit and I find it weird behaviour.
And yes I agree, creepy behaviour not my thing at all!

He coaches one team that has his own children in it.

Then out of the blue he gets asked by an old male friend to coach a team where he doesn't know the kids but the mother of one of them is a woman that he and his chum used to spit roast?!

It looks like a set up in the making for a reunion if you ask me.

Yes I think you are right to be worried.

I would be questioning what exactly went on while you were away because it sounds as though this was preplanned to coincide with your absence.
It must have been something more important to him than just coaching for him to miss the family event for it..