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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends know before you ...

2 replies

TeaInMug · 24/10/2024 23:33

...that your relationship isn't going to last.

Just reflecting on this and wondered why often it seems that people's.friends.can tell, before they can, that their relationship is just not right and won't last!.

E.g. A friend of mine recently split from her partner. They were together about 4 years. She was besotted most of that time. But, myself and a few others didn't like him much from.day one and knew it wouldn't last! When they split I was sad for.my.friend.who was devastated, but also pleased because, well, he was a bit of a dick!

When I got married, we only had 8 guests. I invited 3 family members (mum and siblings; dad's deceased) and my best friend. Hubby had his mum, dad, sibling and best man. It was a small affair with our favourite people.

My best friend was in a relationship at the time which she'd only had a few months. I knew the relationship wouldn't last much longer and didn't want to invite best mates partner because I didn't want some.random.in.my forever wedding pics!! and I'd only.met her partner once and as this was such a small affair with our loved ones, I didn't want someone I didn't know, that i.knew wouldn't be around for long after the day, coming! Anyway, clearly my mate thought her partner was 'the one', they were 'in.love' and she very much wanted her to be at the wedding. I could hardly say 'no, you two will split up soon and I don't want some random person I don't know at my wedding and in my photos forever' so I just had to invite her along. And..unsurprisingly best mate and her partner split up just after my wedding and I've never seen her again.

I have a few.more examples like the above.two

My question is 'how do friends know which of our relationships will last, when we don't know ourselves?'

OP posts:
OhMyGollyGoshGosh · 24/10/2024 23:45

To be honest I think a lot of us have doubts/niggles deep down about our own relationships that we bury in favour of love/lust, but friends obviously don't, so they can see more clearly.

As an aside, I've never got the 'I don't want a random in my wedding photo' thing (which I've read a lot on MN over the years).

How does it 'spoil a photo' just because one or two of the people in them didn't stay around?

GiddyRobin · 25/10/2024 00:52

As pp says, I think we know ourselves when it won't work, sometimes, but we're caught up in the chaos of new feelings and honeymoon phase. I look back on previous relationships now and I can see the red flags a mile off, but back then I couldn't. All of my friends told me the same; "I knew he wasn't right.". Some warned me, but did I listen as a young woman? No.

Interestingly, with DH all I had was gushing from every friend. Ten years and I love him more every day, so it looks like it works both ways too!

Friends usually know you very well, and can see without the early infatuation what seems right and what doesn't. I know I overlooked one ex's laziness; my friend was always saying he was a boring sod and I could do better. Broke up with him because his laziness consumed my life.

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