I forgot our ‘anniversary’ but so did he.

[Discopantsforme]

Not married but together a long time. I used to go all-out for the anniversary of our first date. Special meal out, handmade gifts etc, which I did for the first few years.

He’s not fussed about it and didn’t reciprocate other than the very first year, so then I made it more low-key with a nice dinner and a bottle of his favourite wine. I like to give treats and make an effort, so I just did it without expecting anything back.

It’s been a really shit year for me with lots of stress due to a double bereavement. I only realised when looking at my timehop memories thing tonight that it’s our anniversary. He hasn’t mentioned it, or that I haven’t done my usual acknowledgment.

Should I just stop bothering altogether with celebrating our anniversary, or sort something out tomorrow belatedly?

We forgot ours one year and just laughed about it.

I can't answer that without knowing more about how good your relationship is. DH and I have a very special anniversary in our relationship; even so, life gets in the way, and most one of us years says to the other "it was our anniversary last Monday!" And we laugh, and either forget about it, or arrange a celebration on a different day.

But if you're feeling forgotten, or unappreciated, that's a different matter entirely, and you should probably be thinking more about that than whether you're going to do anything about your anniversary.

I accidentally arranged to go on a girls weekend away when it was my first wedding anniversary. The date didn't register with either of us at the point I was agreeing to go. We generally don't make a big fuss about our wedding anniversary and neither did we previously celebrate our first date anniversary. So I would say don't bother.

It's how you are together on a daily basis that is important, not how much forced fuss you make because you have to.

But I am sure I will be shot down in flames!

We forgot our first wedding anniversary. We just laughed. Now been married 39 years.

I think you should talk to him about it. If it means a lot to you to mark it, even in an understated way, he can damn well put the date in his diary and get you a bunch of flowers!

We don’t generally mark our anniversary. One year we forgot entirely until about a week later. But that works for us, it doesn’t have to work for you.

I agree, it's not a big deal unless it's a big deal for you for other reasons.

The day after our last wedding anniversary I woke up to an apologetic whatsapp from my sister for having forgotten it was our anniversary (she had called and we were out for dinner, we had a brief chat and she never mentioned it). I went down to tell dh we had forgotten our anniversary, and the dialogue went as follows:

dh: happy anniversary!
me: it was yesterday
dh: are you sure?
me: yes, my sister told me. You just got a whatsapp from your sister too, didn't you?
dh: well yes, but she didn't say it was yesterday
me: she's in a different time zone you numpty, it probably wasn't yesterday when she sent it
dh: oh. Well happy anniversary anyway. Shall we do something to celebrate?

I’m not even sure what month our wedding anniversary is! If it matters to you, do something to mark it, but I don’t see it as any indication in itself of problems in the relationship.

My husband remembers the date we met, the date of our engagement but not our wedding anniversary, the reason being that we met on Trafalgar Day, engaged on the anniversary of D Day, but there were apparently no significant battles on the same date as our wedding...
It has never mattered to me in 50 years though.

I like marking anniversaries. Sometimes I work out when it's been something like 300 weeks, instead of however many years, just so that it's a bit different and a surprise.

I also prefer doing it that way because then it doesn't feel like an obligation.

So, if you want to do something to mark your anniversary, then I'd do so, even if it's a bit belated, but I don't think there's any need to do so out of a sense of obligation.

The anniversary only matters if you decide it matters.

do one or both of you actually want to celebrate because you genuinely want to?
or is it because it’s excepted that people in couple should celebrate it?

if it’s the second one then why bother, a relationship is more than one day.

the problem comes if it really matters to one but not the other or if the forgetting it shows a bigger problem with lack of caring generally.