Baby after miscarriage?

[Chez93]

Hello, I have 3 children (2 from previous and 1 with my partner if this is relevant for people to know, partner had no previous children before our relationahip).

I was lucky and fell pregnant easily with 3rd and all went smoothly, while breastfeeding I unexpectedly fell pregnant, which ended with an early miscarriage.

I hadn't at that point even considered another baby, as I had a very young baby still (roughly 6 months old). Was just starting to get my head round the idea and get excited about the blessing of another baby so soon, when sadly I suffered the miscarriage.

Partner wasn't any support at that time, we have since discussed and he has seen how cold he was.

For the past while I have longed for another l, and final child, and feel this is the right timing etc, however I wonder if this is in part because of the miscarriage, and if others have felt the same?

My husband isn't on board with another, has worries about money in the future for another child etc, which of course are valid feelings also, however we are at a time where we would need to make a decision, is the miscarriage playing more of a part in this than I realise perhaps in that longing for the baby we lost?

If you made it this far, thank you whole heartedly. Please be gentle with any replies

Have you accessed any counselling around the miscarriage? I'm sorry that you've had to go through that without a good support.

The fact he wasn't supportive during that, and is against having another baby would give me pause on thinking about trying for another one. If he's not fully on board with it then how are you going to achieve another pregnancy? What if there is another miscarriage with an unsupportive man beside you? Would he try for a 4th and then hold it against you should you ever ask him to do anything or be struggling (well, you wanted another one...)

So sorry for your loss OP.
I understand the yearning for a child after miscarriage, I lost my first pregnancy and wanted nothing more than to be pregnant again.
However, I couldn't entertain the idea of bringing another child into the world with someone who was so unsupportive when you miscarried. That would be ringing alarm bells for me, and while he has acknowledged in hindsight that his behaviour was off, it does not mean he will be a better partner if you experience difficulties again.

I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve never experienced a miscarriage and therefore can only imagine how painful it is. However I would not have another child after your partner wasn’t 100% on board. It’s not fair to anyone - you, him, or your existing children.

Thank you for your replies, I haven't had any counselling over the miscarriage and this is something I should maybe look into.

His lack of support worries me too in all honesty, he's a good man, but not very emotional or able to talk deeply about feelings and I feel instead just avoids the conversations to be honest

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss 💐 if your partner isn't good at talking about his feelings, can you speak to someone else (counsellor/friend) about your loss?

If you are going to try for another baby, it has to be something that you both want - I think the relationship would struggle if your partner feels railroaded into having another child.

I don't think it's fair to your partner if he really doesn't want another child. It could genuinely wreck your marriage so you need to decide what's more important. I'm assuming your other 2 children live with you, in which case your DH now has a family of 3 kids which really is enough for anyone. As for the miscarriage, men are often not very supportive or understanding, they cannot relate to the emotions involved. However, I'm sorry to say that he may have been rather relieved.

I can only tell you of my own experience I have had a stillbirth and a miss carriage after both I was obsessed with becoming pregnant /having a baby. So yes I believe it plays a part.
However please take the time to grieve the baby you have lost before you make any decisions x

I've had multiple miscarriages and can attest that they do increase the desperation for a child.

I would take a step back and look at your situation. As a mum of three myself, Im wondering if having another is genuinely what you want or if it's just a biological thing. I know I couldn't handle four, or want to.

You'll heal over time. I'm sorry for your loss.

Well, he doesn't want another child, so there's your answer on that.
I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. That sounds particularly tough with an unsupportive partner and a baby.
💚

Part of his reasoning of not wanting to tru for another baby, is because of the miscarriage and the worry of that happening again, which I understand.
I suppose I don't always want to wonder about the what ifs, either way. I have 3 healthy children and so much to ve thankful for please don't think I take them for granted, would the family feel complete for me with another child- I assume so as I've always felt that I'd have a big family, where as partner just thought about having 1 child.

There's no right or wrong in it and I do believe I haven't fullt grieved the miscarriage

I am so sorry for your losses