To hate it when the children are with their rarely present dad

[iamworthmore]

Hoping for some reassurance and advice. My two children are with their dad for a few nights. He disappears for months at a time and then shows up again. The children are otherwise always with me. He does not let the children call me when they are with him and has form for lying about who they are with. For example he did not even have enough decency to pre warn or discuss with me him introducing his random lady friend who does not even live in this country.

He does not have a fixed home and every time the children stay somewhere different. My anxiety is sky high. I walk past their bedrooms and I just want to cry.

I know a relationship with their dad is important. But it’s so hard when he is constantly flitting in and out of their lives.

How old are they?

5 and 9

You don’t have to agree to it! I’d stop contact and tell him to go to mediator or court for a proper contact agreement. There’s no chance he’ll bother and your little ones will be safe and you won’t have to go through this. Thrive far far too young for this sort of ad hoc bullshit.

I’m scared of being punished financially if I do not do as he asks. He is very controlling and he reminds me daily how he is paying the mortgage on the house I get to live in rent free

The comfort you have is that they have each other and are mostly with you. So they can be there as support and familiarity for each other in whatever place they end up with dad.
They won't be as phased about the lady friends as you will. As long as they aren't being abusive.

.That mortgage situation is a chalice round your neck. I'd do whatever I could to remove this power over you.

Is the contact court ordered? Does he pay maintenance?