WTF do I do?

[whatafooliam2024]

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia about 3 years ago, alongside HEDS, idiopathic intracranial hypertension, and currently being investigated for MS and referred to genetics.

I’ve been with my husband for nearly 25 years. Our marriage is really struggling. In the past year he has had one one night stand and continues to seek connections with other people on dating sites. Despite promises that he won’t, he has done it twice. He gets angry with me and just now got angry because of a car parking issue involving using my blue badge, which he says he doesn’t like using. I have started using an app called visible to help pace myself and it’s demonstrating that I am over exerting at the simplest of activities, this coincides with how I feel. He states he feels shocked at this and acknowledges how scary this is, which of course I know personally.

What the hell do I do? I have no family I can go too. We have children and any decision to separate would be devastating to them. What the hell do I do? I don’t work, I can’t work because of my conditions. I feel very vulnerable right now. I feel like a complete fool in staying.

Is an open relationship something you want? I wouldn't. Maybe seek counselling to help you decide your next steps. Best of luck things sound very tough

This doesn't sound like it will improve. He's seeking something from other people. I'm so sorry OP. As an aside, I have fibromyalgia too. Just getting over a nasty flare so I do understand. Mine certainly improved as I lost weight and became more fit. But it hasn't disappeared. There's no magic wand and sadly it sounds like your husband has checked out of the marriage. I hope others can come and give you better advice than me. But I'd be making plans now

Fibromyalga. Real or fake? I think this sums up the issue you have with your husband.

I think you know the answer to your question really. He doesn’t seem like he’s going to want to support you through this and has checked out of the marriage. I’m not being cruel but I am trying to be realistic.

You need to have a frank and open discussion about your way forward.

Will your husband be open to therapy? I know it is not a popular opinion but having worked with people with chronic conditions, I see carers go through pretty rough time adjusting to the changes. Focus tends to be on a person who is unwell and carer's emotional needs aren't being met. It is quite possible that your husband is going through grieving and he doesn't have anyone to talk to about it. All his behaviours are classic grief and carer fatigue and probably don't have anything to do with his character or his lack of love for you. Some carer support groups and counselling may be good for him and for you, if you are willing to put up with him and forgive.