To just give up?

PrincessofWells · 23/10/2024 16:42

It isn't too late to change your life around, but it might take more effort than you are prepared to make.

CoffeeAndATwix · 23/10/2024 16:45

Awww OP! I'm a bit older than you (late 40s) and feel life is just beginning! I have re-found my love of running and just can't wait to get fitter and fitter, complete a few bucket list goals and see how awesome my 50s and beyond will be.

Take up a hobby, set some goals. Get back in charge of your life. Life won't change if you don't change it. Get in the driving seat and change direction. Now!

Your kids will b incredible to watch growing up - that's fulfilling and incredible in itself.

And why not go get yourself a teaching job! Use that qualification. Teachers are needed everywhere!

TimeForTeaAndG · 23/10/2024 16:47

I don't know if you want advice or just a space to rant so I'll give you both and you can ignore whichever.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way, it sounds like a lot of things have stacked against you and you need to just scream at the void about it.

Suggestions: if you have a degree then you are quite obviously not stupid. Do you have a management training route in your job or could you change to another company that would give you a progression route to get out of the minimum wage?

Is there a partner in the picture for the DC? What is their role? What age are the DC? Youg kids are demanding but they get bigger and more able to do their own things which leaves you a bit more able to see to yourself.

I'm sorry about your poorly mum. Are you the only one helping her/can you get in a carer or whatever she might need help with (cleaner?) to take some of the load off you? Is it a short term illness or are you looking at long term care?

I'm sure you are doing the best you can and it's hard to see a way through the grind of it all but I hope things get better for you.

ObtuseMoose · 23/10/2024 16:49

Awww OP! I'm a bit older than you (late 40s) and feel life is just beginning! I have re-found my love of running and just can't wait to get fitter and fitter, complete a few bucket list goals and see how awesome my 50s and beyond will be

Massively insensitive and irrelevant to what OP has posted. She's struggling with a chronic health condition so reading about you getting fitter and fitter really isn't going to help.

Boomer55 · 23/10/2024 16:50

Work out what you want, and work towards it. Whatever it is. And I say this as someone with a lot of health problems. 🙂

dutysuite · 23/10/2024 16:54

ObtuseMoose · 23/10/2024 16:49

Awww OP! I'm a bit older than you (late 40s) and feel life is just beginning! I have re-found my love of running and just can't wait to get fitter and fitter, complete a few bucket list goals and see how awesome my 50s and beyond will be

Massively insensitive and irrelevant to what OP has posted. She's struggling with a chronic health condition so reading about you getting fitter and fitter really isn't going to help.

I also have a chronic illness but found this posters reply uplifting actually.

CoffeeAndATwix · 23/10/2024 16:54

ObtuseMoose · 23/10/2024 16:49

Awww OP! I'm a bit older than you (late 40s) and feel life is just beginning! I have re-found my love of running and just can't wait to get fitter and fitter, complete a few bucket list goals and see how awesome my 50s and beyond will be

Massively insensitive and irrelevant to what OP has posted. She's struggling with a chronic health condition so reading about you getting fitter and fitter really isn't going to help.

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound insensitive - but I'm a couple of years further down the line from OP. A year or two ago I was maybe on a similar place. I don't have perfect health. But I decided things can either plod along or I can make changes. So I have and now I honestly feel great and can't wait for the future. It is within the OPs control to change things. She can't keep going on like this unless she wants to be miserable. Things can change for her. They really can. She needs to drive it.

(and many chronic health conditions can be helped through exercise. Many are exacerbated by stress and depression. Finding goals, setting plans, working towards something will likely help her health conditions. Of not, they will at least help her feel better)

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 23/10/2024 16:56

As you have a teaching qualification, I presume you joined the world of work in your early 20s, and you’ll retire around 67, so early 40s isn’t half way. And in this first half, you’ve had 2 dcs who are taking a lot of time and energy but won’t forever.

if you have a teaching qualification but working minimum wage job, could you look for a part time teaching role? Would probably pay you about the same as full time in minimum wage but give you more time. (Even if you did 3 days a week and allowed for a 4th day to be prep and marking etc)

or you could say what sort of teaching your qualification is in and we could make suggestions for other career options.

For friends- I guess that’s tough to fix with kids and sick mother and no energy, but one step at a time and maybe build up to more social stuff later.

Sick mum, are you having to do care for her?

CoffeeAndATwix · 23/10/2024 16:56

dutysuite · 23/10/2024 16:54

I also have a chronic illness but found this posters reply uplifting actually.

Show quote history

Thanks 😊

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 23/10/2024 17:08

Mainly OP, there’s no reason for it to be another 40 years of this, it’s not been 40 years of this, has it?

Your dcs will grow, stop needing as much of your time and energy. Your mum won’t always need to your time and energy. You don’t have to keep doing the same job just because it fits in with the life you have now. (Or perhaps it doesn’t, and we can help make suggestions for change.)

It’s unlikely you have the time and energy to build friendships now, but it doesn’t follow you’ll never have the time and energy to do that.

life moves on. 40 felt a tough time for me. In a short space of time things got so much easier. (Just not having to be tied to the school runs once both dcs were at secondary and taking themselves made a big difference)

Catza · 23/10/2024 17:17

Never give up! You can change everything (maybe you can't change your health condition but there may be something which will improve it), you just need to decide to do it.
No friends? No problem. Find local hobby groups in your area, gentle exercise class, stitch and bitch, meetups, Saturday rambler group. You may not make strong friendships but you will have someone to chat with every week.
Single? Amazing! Join a dating site, go to speed dating evening. You might not need a relationship but you can form connections with others. You can even get easy casual sex if it is your thing. I have found amazing friends through Tinder. Decided that we didn't have the spark after the first date but conversation was interesting and I am still talking to several people regularly four years on.
You have a degree, so you are clearly not stupid and I have never met anyone who couldn't do at least one thing well. You can retrain, it is never too late. I changed my profession completely at 38 and I am probably going to do it again in 5-10 year's time. I have so many ideas and things I want to try... forensics, book conservation...
You are not failing, you have kids, roof over your head and a stable job. You are just stuck in a rut. So do something, anything. Doesn't have to be massive. One small change will change your entire attitude. And if you don't like it, change it again!

Hellskitchen24 · 23/10/2024 17:19

Toooldtochange84 · 23/10/2024 16:39

And accept this is as good as it gets and hope I don’t live too long into old age?
Early 40s. No friends. No career (a minimum wage paying job despite having a degree and a teaching qualification but I am also stupid and not able to do things very well). Poorly mother. Two demanding kids - lovely, but demanding. chronic health condition which leaves me sleep deprived.
Im just over all of it. It feels too late to change anything and I think it is. If I could go back and make different choices I would. Some of us are doomed to fail I think.
I know it could be a lot worse - my children are healthy. We have a roof over our heads

But really - another 40 years of this? No thanks.

You can make friends at any time. It just takes a lot of effort to sustain friendships.

You can have a career. It sounds like you already have the qualifications, you are just lacking in confidence.

Your mum, hopefully you are getting the support to help you?

I am not going to lie or you, a lot of life is a monotonous grind. But it’s the same for everyone. Same shit different day. It’s up to you to build in small things to look forward to, to make life less of a monotonous bore. That doesn’t have to be anything elaborate or expensive but little things that make you happy.

Dillydollydingdong · 23/10/2024 17:22

The kids will grow up and fly the nest. Things will get better. You're lucky if you've got another 40 years. I'm 72 so not as many as you. Swap?

RechargeableGnu · 23/10/2024 17:29

Your mindset is what is keeping you from changing things.

They don't need to be big changes at first, and yes, there may be physical issues for some things, but you need to find something that interests you and do it for yourself.

Because otherwise nothing will change.

PS And don't describe yourself as stupid!

Closetheblinds · 23/10/2024 17:30

Come on OP! Set yourself some goals of what you can change and would change and start working through it. Don’t let this feeling beat you down further. You can change it if you want to. Start with your low self esteem and work on you first. Sending hugs and hope you come back in a months time to tell us you feel better!

stayathomer · 23/10/2024 17:33

In mid 40s and am learning ‘too stupid’ (what I always thought I was), is more likely the need to learn to do things differently or to try to get a diagnosis/ understand yourself better x Do some self care and try to find what makes you happy (from someone dragging herself through 2024xxxx)

BabyCloud · 23/10/2024 17:39

Make some changes 🙂