Are These People Are Being Hypocritical?

chocciemonster39 · 2024-10-23T15:34:58+00:00

Ok so this is meant as a light-hearted thread… Interested to know AIBU to think these friends/family are being hypocritical. Also, post your experiences of hypocritical friends/family! IRL example: family member “tells me off” for enjoying cake. I know I have a terrible sweet tooth I need to work on, but this family member enjoys a regular glass of white or rose wine. Basically we both have our vices so… IRL example: friend decides to come out to a celebration dinner but then kicks up a massive fuss about paying service charge, really putting a dampner on the event and meaning everyone else has to pay a bigger share…but this friend is happy to spend heavily on their own hobbies/projects etc. What do you think?!

Catza · 23/10/2024 16:42

I am quite happy to spend money on my hobbies and projects. A lot of money in some cases. Which means I have less money for other things which are not my priority. I don't like service charge automatically included in a bill, especially since a lot of places went contactless service where you order via a QR code and the only "service" you receive is someone bringing food to you. Or if the service/food wasn't particularly great. I do ask them to remove it from the entire bill and not expect others to pay but some of my friends are embarrassed when I ask so what am I supposed to do here... I don't know.
I also enjoy an occasional glass of wine. But if I ate cake every day, it would probably do more damage just due to sheer difference in calories. An average slice of cake is 500+ cal, an average glass of wine is 150cal. I wouldn't tell someone off for eating it unless it was my partner who is gaining and losing the same 10kg for the last two years and diet always starts on Monday.
I would say my most hypocritical member of the family is my dear mum who is a devoted Christian but has the most unsavory views on immigration. Apparently, Christian values only apply to your own kind. Who knew... I used to be bothered by it, now I just steer conversation towards cake and wine and whether we should pay service charge.

Anonymous2003 · 23/10/2024 17:02

Re. the cake/wine thing, I think everyone deserves to indulge in whatever their thing is - could be chocolate for one person or cigarettes for another, or in this case wine or cake. However the automatic service charge which is creeping into many restaurants in the UK really pisses me off and IMO can't be compared to money invested into a hobby.

BobbyBiscuits · 23/10/2024 17:55

It's not exactly hypocritical. It's more they value certain things over others. It's a bit narrow minded and rude to slag off someone's hobby/'vice' when we all know we each have our own. As long as your not forcing cake on them then why make comments?
The thing about tipping. Well, I absolutely always tip and quite like the convenience of it being included. If I want to add more or there's a serious issue then I would amend it accordingly. But never impose that on others or cause them extra cost.
So I think that person is just tight as the service was clearly perfectly fine if all others were willing to pay it.

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 23/10/2024 18:01

It's not hypocritical to spend money on one thing but not on another. Maybe they thought the service was bad? Maybe they just generally object to automatic service charges (I always ask for them to be removed, even if I then go on to tip anyway, because I just don't like them).

Ibloodylovetea · 23/10/2024 18:08

If you want to eat cake Girl - go for it. As for the service charge, it's an optional extra & you can refuse to pay it.

However I get the feeling that this isn't about cake, wine & service charge, there's a bigger issue here.

If this person is making you feel bad I suggest that you make your excuses & don't go out with them again. Personally I'd be honest & when invited say 'no thanks, I don't feel comfortable because I always feel criticised & this is supposed to be a fun evening'. But then I'm 61 & have learned from a life-time of pleasing people (& many hours of counselling) that I don't have to do that anymore.

Good luck Hun x

Ibloodylovetea · 23/10/2024 18:17

Ibloodylovetea · 23/10/2024 18:08

If you want to eat cake Girl - go for it. As for the service charge, it's an optional extra & you can refuse to pay it.

However I get the feeling that this isn't about cake, wine & service charge, there's a bigger issue here.

If this person is making you feel bad I suggest that you make your excuses & don't go out with them again. Personally I'd be honest & when invited say 'no thanks, I don't feel comfortable because I always feel criticised & this is supposed to be a fun evening'. But then I'm 61 & have learned from a life-time of pleasing people (& many hours of counselling) that I don't have to do that anymore.

Good luck Hun x

BTW I've done this - I went out with a group of friends for many years & put up with one of them constantly criticising & putting the rest of the group down. She would ask a particular member of the group how her diet was going when it was obvious the diet wasn't going well, she would tell me in no uncertain terms that I was looking thin & ill (I was going through a divorce & caring for both my parents at the same time) at the same time she would tell us all about her 'perfect family' (I remember 20+ years ago she said that her <then fiance> should be grateful as he was a 'Ginge' & wouldn't get anyone else (me & another in our group our red heads). So I stopped going our with them. I now meet the members of our group individually & avoid her. Must confess I never confronted her.

BarbaraHoward · 23/10/2024 18:26

The second one isn't hypocritical at all, they just disapprove of something. It would be hypocritical if she was charging a service charge herself in her own business.

The cake Vs wine thing is the kind of double standard most of us are guilty of in one way or another.

But both sound unpleasant and like they've turned what should've been nice methods awkward.

Original poster

chocciemonster39 · 23/10/2024 22:00

Catza · 23/10/2024 16:42

I am quite happy to spend money on my hobbies and projects. A lot of money in some cases. Which means I have less money for other things which are not my priority. I don't like service charge automatically included in a bill, especially since a lot of places went contactless service where you order via a QR code and the only "service" you receive is someone bringing food to you. Or if the service/food wasn't particularly great. I do ask them to remove it from the entire bill and not expect others to pay but some of my friends are embarrassed when I ask so what am I supposed to do here... I don't know.
I also enjoy an occasional glass of wine. But if I ate cake every day, it would probably do more damage just due to sheer difference in calories. An average slice of cake is 500+ cal, an average glass of wine is 150cal. I wouldn't tell someone off for eating it unless it was my partner who is gaining and losing the same 10kg for the last two years and diet always starts on Monday.
I would say my most hypocritical member of the family is my dear mum who is a devoted Christian but has the most unsavory views on immigration. Apparently, Christian values only apply to your own kind. Who knew... I used to be bothered by it, now I just steer conversation towards cake and wine and whether we should pay service charge.

Oh wow, yea sounds better to redirect the conversation!

OP posts:

Original poster

chocciemonster39 · 23/10/2024 22:02

Ibloodylovetea · 23/10/2024 18:08

If you want to eat cake Girl - go for it. As for the service charge, it's an optional extra & you can refuse to pay it.

However I get the feeling that this isn't about cake, wine & service charge, there's a bigger issue here.

If this person is making you feel bad I suggest that you make your excuses & don't go out with them again. Personally I'd be honest & when invited say 'no thanks, I don't feel comfortable because I always feel criticised & this is supposed to be a fun evening'. But then I'm 61 & have learned from a life-time of pleasing people (& many hours of counselling) that I don't have to do that anymore.

Good luck Hun x

Aww thank you @Ibloodylovetea It was 2 people but I’ve distanced myself from them (not just for these 2 incidents) x

OP posts: