To think that dating someone with kids is a bad idea?

[OneKeenOchreBear]

I always hear people saying that love is love, but I think dating someone who already has kids is way too complicated and not worth the trouble. AIBU to think it’s better to avoid dating single parents?

Yep. Steer well clear. I always dated guys with zero baggage, much easier. It can narrow the dating pool, but worth it in my opinion.

In think older in life divorcees, its more common than not they'll have kids. But I'd not date anyone with dependants at home.

If I were pre-family and the question is would I date someone who already had kids?!?! The simple response to that is 'why on earth would you?!". Easier to just find another person without kids.

Don’t do it unless child is over 18 years old

Nobody ever avoided me when I was a single parent. When I told my current partner he said it made no difference and that I was still amazing.

A few friends are single dads and they are great people.

I think that seeing how people with kids navigate the issues of parenting them alone, or negotiating access with an Ex, can show you a lot about how they handle conflict, the extent to which they are willing to make an effort for the people they love and who rely on them, and lots of other really useful things about their character.

Depends on what you want, I would never do it because I want to be the most important person in his life. I want holidays, nights out and weekends without having to consider someone else’s children.

Yanbu. I’d never have got involved and would never recommend it. It’s the worst bits of parenting and none of the good bits

'why on earth would you?!". Easier to just find another person without kids.

This

I wouldn't and have never dated anyone with children, it's just not something that appeals to me at all.

I wouldn’t do it, unless kids were adults.

And if DH and I split up, I wouldn’t date until my kids were adults either.

Possibly an unpopular opinion but I don’t think blended families are good for kids. Mine will always be my number one priority.

You do you, babes, but my wonderful partner and I sure are glad that neither of us think that way.

I've got a male friend who is 50ish and has a child who he sees one weekend every three. He works shifts which are basically week 1 - work either Sat or Sun, week 2 - work Sat and Sun, week 3 - weekend off.

He was in a relationship for a few years but the woman he was seeing, a successful person with her own high-earning career, got tired of him never being available to her at weekends without a kid tagging along. He would have two weeks holiday a year with the child and two weeks without, one of which would always be a sporting week with his male friends, so she got one week a year for a holiday with just the two of them. The rest of the time was child-friendly activities and being a sort of parent by proxy. They seemed well suited but I completely understand why she bailed.

Yes, as much as I feel for single parents struggling with dating, I would rather avoid it personally.

I love kids but it's more about complications with the ex if the kids are young. I'd just rather not be involved in that.

If it was someone really special though I might make an exception, and adult kids might be OK.

Dating as in going to the cinema with? Going to a restaurant with?

I don't think someone having children is a barrier to dating no, not if they can get a babysitter.

Moving in with, mingling finances with, etc I think can be more problematic than a lot of people think. I personally would casually date and have sex with, but would not set up home with a single parent. I know I am not someone who would be a good step parent and it isn't fair to children to force an inadequate adult on them.

There are people better than me thank goodness, who make fab stepparents.

So I guess the answer is it depends on the individual.

I know for myself I couldn’t and wouldn’t but there are people who would.

I met DH OLD 15 years ago (pre-app days) and one of my only sold boundaries was men with children.

I was 100% certain I wasn't interested in dating a man with kids, been there previously. It's ok to have preferences.

I tend to agree, they're just a good idea from the point of view of the adult involved. Normally an adult lacking in time / the lifestyle they want / money / help to get everything done / help raising their kids / company of an evening etc. Its then dressed up and sold in a way 'that's good for everybody - how exciting!'

When the kids grow up though, they make their own judgements of the parent who instigated this. And as adults who then control their own lives, they tend to structure their relationship with that parent accordingly as soon as they can.

See I think of it the other way round entirely.

Women dating men with kids often still get lots of time without the kids, only around every other weekend.

Men dating women with kids often barely get to see their partner without kids around which is harder to deal with when they aren't hours.

And while I agree that sometimes step mums do more childcare, step dads are often providing financially in a way that step mums are rarely expected to

Unless they are grown up and independent I would avoid someone with children like the plague.
Let's face they are always going to be their priority - and they are not, then what kind of parents are they?
So basically, there is nothing to be gained in those circumstances.