How do affairs start?

[Newname85]

In work situations, I can understand there is constant interaction, opportunities for friendship etc, but I hear a lot of “affair with a friend’s husband”, known the family for so long etc. How on earth to fires start when so many people are around? Even if there are crushes (mutual), how do things go beyond butterflies? Surely there must be a lot of 1-1 talking, connecting and sharing emotional connection before things progress to physical? Where is the scope (and privacy) and opportunity for all this? I’m truly amazed!

Ps: A friend just discovered her husband had an affair (years ago) with a family friend. They’ve all been friends for years, children of the same age, holidayed together etc - but the two slept together for a few months without ANYONE noticing!

Affairs between work colleagues are one thing, but when your affair partner is a close friend of yours and your partner, it must add a whole extra layer of complication and danger. Of course it could also afford opportunities for snatching time together without arousing suspicion…..

If two people want something to happen, it will happen

Usually with very subtle signalling that there's sexual interest, compliments, innuendo that can be passed off as a joke if there's no positive response, then an excuse to start messaging each other. Messaging getting more frequent and flirty and/or confiding. Admitting to 'feelings', excuses to meet etc. Pretty much the same way as every other relationship starts only more tentatively at first to test the water and kept secret.

It must be harder this day and age with ring doorbells and gps trackers for sure!

I have no idea! I can't understand how someone could cheat on their partner. I mean, if you are at the point of wanting to take things further with someone else, then you need to either stop it and give your head a massive wobble, or split with your current partner. I just think affairs are so needlessly cruel.

If my husband ever decides he fancies his work colleague and wants a relationship with them, then he better just tell me and end it first. I cannot imagine the pain of believing your partner was faithful, trusting them, and later finding out they'd been seeing someone else behind your back. I'd never be able to trust again

Exactly this with the stage of then complaining about their partners to one another to start justifying it.

I've known lots of people have affairs over the years. One met via work and that happened twice ( different men and work places) ended up divorced and with neither man.
One met via social media.
One had an affair with a family friend.
One had an affair with a family member ( not blood relatives!!)
One went out of her way to have a fling in order to get out of being married ( it sort of worked , but not with the person they had the affair with!) wasn't happy with ' Dh' but more bored I think.
One had a Dh who met someone else at work.
All long before the internet , smart phones , ring doorbells and any other devices that could catch you out. Although some I know did get found out, but more caught I suppose. You'd have to be careful with phones these days I guess.
Mostly it's been work colleagues I've heard most about the most though.
To be honest , I couldn't be bothered myself as it's all so grim , but people are people.

Over-sharing of confidences about their "unhappy" marriage. Meaningful looks. Finding excuses to pop by the other one's desk frequently. Then an opportunity arises on a work social/night out after a few drinks.

The same pattern is how any affair starts - emotional affair followed by opportunity to make it physical.

But on the other hand there's plenty of technology that will help facilitate an affair.

When my ex husband had one..( long before the internet/ mobile phones).. he met her at work.
She was well off.
He told me it was the money that drew him.
She dumped him.
He lost his job.
Don't even know where he is.
Who he's with ... only rumours that he's become an alcoholic.
Our daughter hasn't seen him scince she was three.
( He had the affair while l was pregnant).
After trying for seven years .
I've always said " she's mine.. my miracle baby" we are so so close.
She's 32 now .

Nowadays I would guess a lot starts by private messages to each other that get increasingly flirtatious.

Affairs start for a variety of reasons and in a lot of different ways. There’s no one answer.

Phones make it so much easier because it's so easy to be in frequent secret communication, and it's not unusual for people to be on social media (like mumsnet or twitter) for long periods of time anyway.

Some people are not happy in their relationship. Others just morally do not think of the consequences. Some people think they're in love with someone just because they're feeling lost.
But it's all just a breakdown of a respect in a relationship. Rather than leaving, someone will try and find someone they think they can escape with temporarily. Recipe for disaster but doesn't stop it happening sadly.

A few affairs i know have started through running clubs, multiple training nights each week, races on weekends. I can imagine other hobbies quite similar environments

Sorry I know this is old but there was a man on the radio the other day talking about this, he says texting and Facebook, social media etc have a lot to answer for with regards affairs.

That years ago, let’s say a mom is bringing her son to football training, there are other parents there, everything is visible etc.
but now, same mom brings her son to football, another parent now is in the WhatsApp group, he has her number, he can follow her on Facebook. She goes on holidays a few months later and he makes a private comment about her photo. Suddenly they are texting away, and it takes off. All while his wife is in the same room as this is going on!!!

its a different world all of a sudden