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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cleaning around guests

45 replies

elderflowerspritzer · 23/10/2024 07:08

AIBU to think it's a bit rude to clean up straight away when you have guests round? e.g. You've just had dinner, and you jump up to clear the plates, do the washing up and clean the whole kitchen whilst guests are sat there?

(For context my DH did this last night when we had a friend over - took him about 20 mins to clean the whole kitchen whilst I chatted to our guest - is this normal? - it's all open plan so we were watching him clean and he was occasionally joining in the conversation).

OP posts:

saraclara · 23/10/2024 08:35

As long as he continued to chat from the sink, as a guest I wouldn't be too bothered.

20 minutes is a long time though. Okay to just wash up and get the worst out of the way, but fastidiously cleaning the whole kitchen is a bit much.

GretchenWienersHair · 23/10/2024 08:36

YABU. It’s the most efficient way to do it. Nothing worse than having friends round, having a nice time and then still having the dreaded ‘clean up’ hanging over you. If it can be done while still in host mode, do it!

MrSeptember · 23/10/2024 08:36

I wouldn't see this as rude assuming he wasn't banging plates around or whatever. A quick tidy up sp you can sit over coffee without all the mess is nice.

TossedSaladandSE · 23/10/2024 08:36

I mean in my case I'll take the plates into the kitchen, scrape food into bin then put quickly into dishwasher but that's it

SummaLuvin · 23/10/2024 08:40

elderflowerspritzer · 23/10/2024 07:18

Well we share cleaning/ housework equally but he can be a bit OCD about it. It's actually a bit problematic at times!

It would never really occur to me to clean up before people leave as I was enjoying the company and chatting.

I wasn't sure if our friend might have thought we were being rude/ indicating we wanted him to leave (when it's really just because my DH can't stand a dirty kitchen!)

Show quote history

are people really still using OCD in this lighthearted and incorrect way? It's a serious mental health condition that can have significant implications for those living with it.

MartinCrieffsLemon · 23/10/2024 08:50

That's the thing with open plan...
I'd find it a bit weird sitting there, looking at all the dirty plates and pans etc

doodleschnoodle · 23/10/2024 08:57

Depends on the guests I think! But the usual kind of people we have round are generally close family and friends, and that kind of thing isn't unusual for any of us. If it was your boss and his wife or something then a different dynamic.

BigDahliaFan · 23/10/2024 08:57

My Dh does that....he can't stand an empty dishwasher if there are plates to go in. Most of our friends are used to it, he carries on chatting though.

decorativecushions · 23/10/2024 08:59

My DH does this on the rare occasions we host.

I appreciate it and it gives him a chance to have a break from socialising, which he does find exhausting.

Win win.

BettyBardMacDonald · 23/10/2024 08:59

Yes, he was rude.

qotsa · 23/10/2024 09:04

Hobbesmanc · 23/10/2024 07:33

I don't enjoy sitting at a table with dirty plates etc so as long as we've all finished eating then yeah, I'd be loading dishwasher etc.

Same. We have a kitchen diner and most people who come round know DH and I like to clean up pretty quick so we can then sit and relax and enjoy the evening. If they don't know this I would just top up drinks and say.

Samesame47 · 23/10/2024 09:21

I don’t think so but then the only friends who we would go to their homes for dinner (or have at ours) are really good ones, we will all chip in with the clearing up. There’s no formality between us and I wouldn’t want there to be.

Christstollen · 23/10/2024 11:06

TossedSaladandSE · 23/10/2024 08:34

Obviously you clear the table

But you don't wash up till your guests have gone

I absolutely loathe when a guest offers to clear the table or wash up

Don't do that it's weird

I absolutely hate when people "helpfully" insist on clearing the table and pile random things everywhere in the kitchen making it completely unusable. It's more mess, more time to clear, more faff.

Offer by all means, but get the point when the host gracefully declines and tries to drag you in another room.

10 year old guest trying his best to be polite? Super sweet, and I am grateful.
An adult? Surely they can see piling dirty plates and making a mess in the kitchen is never helpful 😂

SatinHeart · 23/10/2024 11:15

I'm on the fence about this one. Clearing the table, wiping down and stacking the dishwasher is fine, especially in a couple where one of you is still available to take care of your guests so they aren't sat on their own.

We have a kitchen diner so one of us would be refilling drinks and ushering guests into the living rom while the other would clear up. I think if it's totally open-plan like in the OP, it could get a bit awkward after a while and guests might start feeling like they should jump up and help.

shiverm · 23/10/2024 11:19

I often use cleaning up after dinner as a way to have a break from talking as I can get tired out and it's a nice rest to be in my 'zone'. Most esp. if it's people I don't know very well/a big group with lots of cross talking. It's really nice to just listen to the talk. Funnily enough, my dad does the same. Though if I'm having an excellent time and the conversation is buzzing me (and if I've had a wine or two), I would be disappointed if anyone spoilt the magic by leaving the table. So I can see it both ways.

betterangels · 23/10/2024 11:24

decorativecushions · 23/10/2024 08:59

My DH does this on the rare occasions we host.

I appreciate it and it gives him a chance to have a break from socialising, which he does find exhausting.

Win win.

This is why I do it.

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 23/10/2024 15:07

If his ocd is kicking in, he can't really help it

Caroparo52 · 19/02/2025 13:30

I start to load the dishwasher. Takes 2 minutes

BigDahliaFan · 19/02/2025 13:44

Clearing the table - yes....loading the dishwasher no.

But my DH has a very different view, he likes to get dishes in the dishwasher as soon as he can. To be fair to him, if he's cooked he cleans up as he goes. If I've cooked the kitchen looks a bit more dramatic.

Printedword · 19/02/2025 13:45

We have a compact dishwasher, so it will go on several times meaning some intermediate clearing is essential.

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