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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To quit PTA committee position after 1 year?

33 replies

Namechangeforthis112 · 22/10/2024 10:12

My DS school is amazing and they have a very strong PTA which organises amazing events. Stupidly I agreed to be in the committee at the start of the school year without realising just how much work is involved. Is it AIBU to do this for one academic year and then quit the position? It is simply too much with work and they put on an event almost every month, and the incessant whattsapp messages are driving me insane. But I feel really bad to let them down especially after changing over all the signatories etc. and the girls are really lovely.... advice please!

OP posts:
TickingAlongNicely · 22/10/2024 10:13

If its too much for one person, ask if if the role can be shared?

Namechangeforthis112 · 22/10/2024 10:14

TickingAlongNicely · 22/10/2024 10:13

If its too much for one person, ask if if the role can be shared?

There are 4 of us in the committee and I am not even the one doing the most work! I wonder if I just need to up my game a bit...

OP posts:
thesandwich · 22/10/2024 10:15

Could you say due to a change in family circumstances you can’t commit to the committee role but will be happy to help at specific events?

thesandwich · 22/10/2024 10:15

Suggest recruiting more members?

Spirallingdownwards · 22/10/2024 10:16

Get out now - while you can! It's a thankless task and you don't have to do it.

Namechangeforthis112 · 22/10/2024 10:16

thesandwich · 22/10/2024 10:15

Could you say due to a change in family circumstances you can’t commit to the committee role but will be happy to help at specific events?

Yeah this although I don't want to lie. I am actually shortly taking on more hours at work as well so might just say about work commitments. But I think I might have to stick it out for at least one academic year as the whole handover was so big and I can't immeditately quit now...

OP posts:
TickingAlongNicely · 22/10/2024 10:19

You need more members. Unless the school is tiny, that would be a mountain of work.

Namechangeforthis112 · 22/10/2024 10:22

TickingAlongNicely · 22/10/2024 10:19

You need more members. Unless the school is tiny, that would be a mountain of work.

There are 4 of us in the committee and we do have some sub-committees for specific events. The school is smallish but not tiny. There is just so much on all the time and also a lot of comms with school. Do you think sticking it out for one year is good enough?

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 22/10/2024 10:26

Sounds like you are doing too much with too little.
Our PTA had around 8 members and we only did a couple of events a year.
See if you can scale it back, people will complain and when they do you tell them that if they want to come to the next meeting and suggest ways of doing things differently they would be very welcome - they won't

Bluevelvetsofa · 22/10/2024 10:27

What you are doing is voluntary work. If that comes at the expense of your paid work, or your family, then consider which are your priorities.

We all feel guilty about the impact that leaving something may have on others, but it isn’t your fault that there aren’t enough people to cover the jobs.

I’ve volunteered for a few different things, including PTA and school governor. When it starts being a proper job, but without pay and it becomes onerous it’s time to stop.

You don’t need to lie. Just say your work commitments have increased, which is true and you can’t commit the time to it now.

AgileGreenSeal · 22/10/2024 10:29

You don’t need to lie.

Just stand down at the end of the year or don’t let your name go forward for next year. No need to explain anything.

Ariela · 22/10/2024 10:33

I would raise the issue that your committee needs a few extra members - IME committees of 4 are very stretched, 6 is better, 7 or 8 means you have everything covered, more than that and each meeting descends into chaos without a strong chair. And I would look to recruit your replacement.
I recently resigned from a voluntary role having recruited my replacement and put in place effectively a manual of how to run each aspect I was responsible for. Made stepping in very easy.

atichoo · 22/10/2024 10:38

Bluevelvetsofa · 22/10/2024 10:27

What you are doing is voluntary work. If that comes at the expense of your paid work, or your family, then consider which are your priorities.

We all feel guilty about the impact that leaving something may have on others, but it isn’t your fault that there aren’t enough people to cover the jobs.

I’ve volunteered for a few different things, including PTA and school governor. When it starts being a proper job, but without pay and it becomes onerous it’s time to stop.

You don’t need to lie. Just say your work commitments have increased, which is true and you can’t commit the time to it now.

Agree with this. I'm a SAHM but have been doing voluntary work for a few years.

I realised just before the summer holidays this year that I was desperately looking forward to having those six weeks 'off' as I had the children at home which gave me pause for thought... it had basically become an almost full time job, with as much expectation, stress and pressure as paid employment and none of the pay!

I haven't been able to scale back, because I'm one of the old hands now so I've had to walk away entirely. Time to find something else to do but with some firmer boundaries around my time/energy.

OP I did the PTA for just 3 months, I tried it and it was a cliquey bunch of horror. No thank you, not for me!! A year is more than enough if it's too much for you. You could still be a volunteer to help out at events if you want to help without being involved in the day to day admin of it all.

Needmorelego · 22/10/2024 10:38

It definitely sounds like it's time for a recruitment drive.
I think there should be at least one person from each year group - so at least 7 people , 8 if you have a nursery class.
Are you having a Christmas fair? Have a big "Join Us" stall there.

NeedWineNow · 22/10/2024 10:39

I feel the same. Me and DH are on a committee and the relentless emails and WhatsApp messages are overwhelming. We've both said we didn't get this many emails when we were both working! I'm very much minded to step down and just say I'll help out at certain events.

kiraric · 22/10/2024 10:46

I had a similar experience with the PTA.

What I did was explain that I was just struggling to keep up with everything but that I did want to help. I suggested a few quite discrete tasks that I could do - they were v happy with me doing the accounts which I find easy due to my work but they found hard. So I left all the WhatsApp groups and stress and they just email me things I need for the accounts and I go to the AGM.

Doesn't have to be the accounts, could be doing one event a year or something but the general principle of doing one thing might work for you

Bluevelvetsofa · 22/10/2024 10:46

If you keep taking on the work, others will expect you to keep taking on the work.

Now, I just resign politely and walk away.

LadyQuackBeth · 22/10/2024 10:56

It is the steepest learning curve when you start these things, but most rewarding when you know what you are doing and have friends to do it with. Given that most people don't volunteer, the answers here will encourage you to give it up, but that's people justifying their own lack of involvement.

It's better to be involved in a way that works for you than to pull out altogether, so talk to the other volunteers about how to make changes.

For example, you can focus on one or two events only, mute the WA group and look at it twice a week, ask to organise things face to face instead of by message or whatever suits you.

Namechangeforthis112 · 22/10/2024 11:02

LadyQuackBeth · 22/10/2024 10:56

It is the steepest learning curve when you start these things, but most rewarding when you know what you are doing and have friends to do it with. Given that most people don't volunteer, the answers here will encourage you to give it up, but that's people justifying their own lack of involvement.

It's better to be involved in a way that works for you than to pull out altogether, so talk to the other volunteers about how to make changes.

For example, you can focus on one or two events only, mute the WA group and look at it twice a week, ask to organise things face to face instead of by message or whatever suits you.

This is such helpful advice, thank you so much! I do find it rewarding and lots of fun but especially the whatsapp messages are too much.

OP posts:
80smonster · 22/10/2024 11:17

I’m a co-chair of PTA, also just about to step down after a year, agree the velocity of events and comms from school (often delivered in a shirty tone) are verging on a part time job. Unsurprisingly no one wants to help out and now neither do I. I don’t think OP should feel bad about stepping down, if anyone is aghast - they could always offer to step up.

Namechangeforthis112 · 22/10/2024 11:22

80smonster · 22/10/2024 11:17

I’m a co-chair of PTA, also just about to step down after a year, agree the velocity of events and comms from school (often delivered in a shirty tone) are verging on a part time job. Unsurprisingly no one wants to help out and now neither do I. I don’t think OP should feel bad about stepping down, if anyone is aghast - they could always offer to step up.

It is an insane amount of work isn't it and it seems never ending- once one event finishes, the comms for the next one start. I also work quite a lot and the time I am off work I want to spend as family time and not checking my phone all the time. I think I might stick it out for a full academic year, take the experience with me and then just help out as and when needed.

OP posts:
SingingSands · 22/10/2024 11:27

I appreciate what you're saying - I was Chair of our school PTA for three years. It's hard because there are so few of you. If you leave then there will only be three members. Is it just the four of you doing the work? That's not how it should be. We started with three members who took handover from the outgoing parents and we quickly recruited as you can't do it with just three people.

I would suggest recruiting class reps. One from each class would be great, two would be amazing.

Class reps could spread messages about events via class WhatsApp groups and recruit helpers for big events.

You also need to find a way to cut down comms so your WhatsApp isn't blowing up every day, but you still need to be able to give information about events, organising helpers etc. Some groups can be set so that replies are not possible - so you could do a PTA group msg with event title and details and then "meeting for X event in local pub on X date".

What did our parents do before WhatsApp? They signed up then turned up. They had in-person meetings to plan events, then they followed up on actions.

WhatsApp now seems to be a way for people to go "yeah I'll help" and then after 100s of messages flying about is swiftly followed by "I'm dropping out because excuses".

It isn't an easy task being on the PTA. People love to slag it off as being cliquey but they don't see the half of what goes into organising stuff - they see "the same people" doing everything and assume it's a clique. It not! It's because nobody else steps in to help, or people offer and then pull out last minute so it falls back on the core team to take on more tasks.

I was lucky as Chair, we had a fantastic team who all pulled together to run events. It was the most successful PTA the school has ever had and we still laugh about some of the behind-the-scenes antics now. Every one of us had a job and children but we made it work. We were also lucky to have a group of helpful dads so it didn't just feel like more work for mums!

Good luck - have a chat with your other members about spreading the load and being more efficient with comms.

80smonster · 22/10/2024 11:33

Namechangeforthis112 · 22/10/2024 11:22

It is an insane amount of work isn't it and it seems never ending- once one event finishes, the comms for the next one start. I also work quite a lot and the time I am off work I want to spend as family time and not checking my phone all the time. I think I might stick it out for a full academic year, take the experience with me and then just help out as and when needed.

I asked up-front if it was a part/full time job (the person I took over from didn't work!), I was told 'no, you have a committee and everyone helps out'. This was categorically a lie. Our events/initiatives overlap like yours, so there isn't really a lull, I work and simply have other priorities (not that we should have to justify this is anyway).

SweetSakura · 22/10/2024 11:55

Can you have a committee what'sapp and one for wider volunteers?

Then you can ignore the wider waffle and nonsense messages. That's what we have and it works better

I do wish people would engage their brains before posting endlessly in big WhatsApp groups. when two people message backwards and forwards rather than moving to a separate chat it is just so irritating

SweetSakura · 22/10/2024 11:55

SweetSakura · 22/10/2024 11:55

Can you have a committee what'sapp and one for wider volunteers?

Then you can ignore the wider waffle and nonsense messages. That's what we have and it works better

I do wish people would engage their brains before posting endlessly in big WhatsApp groups. when two people message backwards and forwards rather than moving to a separate chat it is just so irritating

I mean, yes we can mute the chat but then you miss any important info