To feel so indifferent about my life (in many ways)

[Soootired23]

I'll start this by knowing that to many I will sound very entitled. The truth is that I really dislike big chunks of my life and there's not a lot I can do but to wait it out (for another 5 years). I don't like where I live, but because of DCi can't move.

Because I can't move I can only get fully remote jobs and I really hate it. I've been doing it for 13 years this 1st of November.

I'm the main breadwinner so we definitely need my salary (local office based ones are around 50/40% of my current salary).

Because I'm the WFH I do all the school runs and once our youngest comes home, my work gets a bit more disrupted so I end up working in the evenings.

I feel like my house is almost like a prison so I'm not necessarily the most house proud. I also don't necessarily have enough hours in the day and we don't necessarily have all the furniture we need.
That's in itself a longish story but it goes back to having to travel for 2+ hours to the closest IKEA/John Lewis .

My DH is also a bit of a procrastinator but he does do some cleaning around th house (he's definitely better at deep cleaning than me!)

Half of our weekends are for trying to entertain 4 DC and the other half are either for trying to recharge or do as much as we can around the house.

I know I shouldn't hate my life but at the same time I'm so fed up with it.

Friend just brought a work shed office thingy for the back garden because of the way you are feeling. They really needed to separate work and home even though they had been wfh a while. They said their mental health is so much better as they can switch between work mode and home mode.

Well it's just because of the different age groups! Primary, secondary, and 6th form.

My DH has two, I have one, and we have a shared one.

My DH has two, I have one, and we have a shared one.

Hmm. So basically you have two children but you are having to raise four, of different ages, at different schools, while supporting the entire family financially. I honestly think your husband is getting off lightly here.

The garage project was also supposed to give me an "office". But yes I think any dedicated space would be an improvement.

Yes my DH agrees with the above, however if you reversed the roles nobody would bat an eyelid. Or so I think.

I've been feeling similarly trapped by housing and work choices I made years ago which no longer suit me. I've decided to change what I can without chucking all our lives up in the air and I'm feeling much better already. Some suggestions...

• Find a place to go to do your work a couple of days a week where there will be humans who are not family to chat to. Eg a work hub.
• claim a room in the house for yourself and divide it so that the work part is sectioned off and the rest is for your hobbies/relaxing. A garage conversion would work, but it needs to be YOURS.
• Declutter. You won't need as much storage.
• Find the storage you do need on FB marketplace.
• join a gym to get out of the house.
• Make lists of things you want to do, places you want to go, films you want to watch, books you want to read etc. Always have something in the diary to look forward to that is for you.
• Improve your home so that you enjoy being in it more and so that when you do eventually move it will be ready to go.
• Identify the things you do that aren't your responsibility and hand them back. Start to say no.
• Ask for favours. Others can say no too, if it's not possible for them.

These last two are the hardest but also the best.

You need to get back a sense of control over your own life. You don't have to uproot everyone, but you might have to piss them off a bit because no one likes it when other people change the status quo. They'll adjust. Tell them all what you're doing and then do it. Once you start it will get easier.

You think that if a man was not only supporting the family financially, but also getting four children (two of them not his) up, bringing them to school, stopping work to collect them and look after them (mainly the youngest one) until his wife breezed in at 6:30, nobody would find that unusual? I feel like they would!

Just to clarify I don't do all the school runs for all children. I only do the one in primary, and sometimes I get the girls from the train station.

I do however make most dinners.

I had a quick chat with my DH, but he really didn't say much beyond that "it would be our last move". We briefly spoke about the garden office, but the conclusion is that we really don't know if it will help as my main issue is the lack of human interaction.

My DM just kept saying that time flies, which I get, but it normally flies when you're having fun which isn't the case.

I don't think I'm selfish for wanting to move, but people around me keep telling me it's just life and kind of suck it up (or see the positives).

Can you get a deep clean of the house ...much like an end of tenancy one. Then, with a clean house to cheer you on, get a cleaner a couple of hours a week. Keep tidy in-between. I think you need a strategy like this until kids are older.

I don't think that would change anything really, it's the general mess that is the issue. We don't have enough storage. We never have time to sort it out. The house needs some attention (like a cat flap) but nobody does anything about it.

My DH always says he'll fix things, then never does because we end up spending the time together or working out, or just trying to clear out some of the mess. It's an absolutely never ending cycle.

I know this thread is a few months old but it appeared in my “active”….We don’t have any custody issues to consider but we feel exactly like you do about life so we’re packing it all in and moving 100 miles up the road for a better and more exciting life.

We have elderly parents to consider so we can come back for the day whenever needed. It isn’t far.

But we’ll all be living and no more WFH! I have grown to HATE it