To not have to deal with this?

[wtfffff]

My and my DB are fairly close, I'm in my 20s, he early 30s. Both still lived at home until recently so saw each other a lot.

Around two years ago DB got a new girlfriend. She's not who I would have saw him be with and is nothing like who he's been with before but she seemed to make him happy on the whole. I've witnessed usual couple spats, she's very bossy imo but he never stays too mad at her for long. I have had a weird feeling about her but I don't get involved, I've still made her feel welcome, invited her to birthday meals, parties, shared a bottle of wine with her when she's stayed round our parents house etc.

He moved in with her recently and we're seeing him less and less, he packed his full time job in and just stays at home with her, she doesn't work either. She has a DD who is around 7 and DB isn't too keen on being a step dad figure. He enjoys the nice times they have together, days out and such, but leaves disciplining/coparenting between the DD parents to them so we see him when there's usually an issue going on that he can't be bothered to be apart of.

Anyway, this weird feeling I've had about her has now materialised when an old family friend has reached out to me to tell me she's putting it around and she's advertising herself on sex sites (Fab). He's showed me her profile and it's quite disgusting and graphic. Now I don't care what anyone is into, as long as it's legal of course, but the things she has wrote in her bio about my brother is crazy.

She's worded it as if he's fully aware and happy for her to play away. I can't imagine he does like that but obviously I don't know the ins and outs of his kinks, nor do I want to.

My AIBU is do I bring this up to the pair of them? I really don't need to know this info if they're both getting some kind of kick out of it but she has said she needs discretion but anyone who knows them can spot them on this profile a mile off. There's also a lot of graphic images of herself on there which cement who it is.

Do I let them know that I know and tell them that they need to rain it in/be less bloody obvious? Our parents would absolutely die if they found out but by the sounds of it, it's doing the rounds in the group chats.

And what is your disgusting old family friend doing on these sites?

Well he's a single man so I can hazard a guess but that wasn't really my question ... thanks though

Tell your brother. If he's part of it, fine, no harm done. If he's not, and he finds out you knew, I don't imagine he'd be too chuffed.

I'd send him a text with the link saying someone has sent you this, it's not your business if true but you don't really want your mum and dad to know and given the fact it has got back to you it might just be a matter of time before it reaches them. I'd also mention as she's the parent of a young child it wouldn't look to good if the child's school found out or the father of the child. Tell him you're just giving him a heads up.

"too good" not "to good" in my last post.

If he has given up a full time job to be at home, then maybe he is aware? Perhaps she earns more than he does?

@Createausername1970 unless she's a prostitute I can't imagine she's earning any money from it

I would steer well clear! As long as you think he's ok, not being controlled etc then just leave well alone.

Unless your brother is in some way vunerable, I am failing to see why any of this is your business. It really is up to them what they do.

Your only job in this is to help your brother pick up pieces later if necessary. I'm sure you've heard the term 'shoot the messenger' and you could ruin your relationship forever.

He is, after all, an adult and must manage his own life and choices.

If he's packed in his job and living off her earnings from this site, it sounds like he's pimping her out

@ForPearlViper
Thank you for that insight! I was worried about "shoot the messenger" because we do really get on and would never want to fall out with him over something like this. I think you're right.

Of course she's / they're earning money from it. Probably drugs involved too.

Is it possible that this website is actually how they met? As someone has said, seems unlikely that he'd know nothing if they're living together and he's not working.

I think I'd probably send him a text that acknowledges that it's awkward, but that (without judgement) you wanted to make sure he genuinely was aware. Apart from anything else, there's obvious health risks if he doesn't know.

I'd address it as tactfully as possible just on the offchance that he's not aware because if he doesn't know she's playing away, he could inadvertently get an STD and not even be aware that he needs to regularly get tested.

If he's packed his job in and is with her 24/7,of course he knows about it

I don't think that's a given though. Could be that she says she has some casual work, that she's meeting friends or family, going to the gym, etc, but then meets up with other people.

He's packed in his job, moved in with her and isn't keen on being a father figure to her child?

Yep, he's probably pimping her or at least poncing the money she earns.

Despicable.

I grew up on a council estate in a block of flats. Pretty much everyone was seemingly at home 24/7. You'd be amazed at how much some people got away with behind their partner's backs before it would all eventually come out at 1am in the street weeks after the fact, where literally everyone in the flats would hear what people had been doing.
"I'm just going round my mum's."
"I'm just taking the dog for a walk."
"I'm just going to the shop, do you want anything?"
"I'm going down the pub with Carl."
Etc.

I'd stay out of it. Your brother is very likely aware of what she's doing. It's not your business.

Any chance you can get the family friend to message him and leave you out of it?
I'm sure both you and your brother would be happier if you could pretend you never knew.......

You need to stay out of it OP. If she and your brother are really unsuited, well he's a grown man with no ties to her or dependency on her, and presumably a roof over his head back at your mums, with an option to work again if he chooses, so if he isnt happy he can leave her easily enough. It's hard to see a side of our family that seems unfamiliar and unsavoury, but you have to accept your brother is there from his own free will, is extremely unlikely not to know what's she's up to, and is fine with it. Unless your parents visit sex sites they are very unlikely to find out as long as your family friend minds his business and keeps it shut, so do and say nothing is my best advice.

If I were the brother I would want to know.

Maybe she has put that he knows about it as then people are less likely to speak to him about it.

It's a lot easier to say 'your girlfriend is on this site cheating on you' than to ask if they're in an open relationship.

If he is down with it, that's fine move on. However if he isn't, imagine how he'd feel a year down the line when he finds out and knows his sister has known all along.

If you don't want to do it personally, get somebody else or send the link anonymously so he can see it for himself 🤷