To have run the petrol down to 40 miles left

[Baby3or]

I recently drove 115 miles on a motorway back to London suburbs. I was watching the petrol number the whole way (it gives it in miles left to go before it’s empty) and at 70 I was considering stopping for petrol (lots of places on the motorway and then lots of places in city suburbs on the way to our house). I decided not to stop as baby was asleep and also our older child was keen to get home after a long journey.

we live less than a mile from a big supermarket with a petrol station and also plenty of other places to fill up.

husband had a go at me saying ‘what would I have done if we had run out of petrol / how had I let myself get in that situation’ I said I was fully aware how much was left and I made a decision not to refuel as on balance it was low but not empty.

AIBU??

My eldest was 18 by the time I left…he wished I’d left when he was born lol, middle was 14 and has hated his father and grandparents all his life. I tried to leave 10 years earlier but my in laws had taken the only vehicle and I really didn’t know where I’d have gone if it had been there. I just had to get away. They were shocked to come back to me with bags packed and promised things would change and because I had no money, I agreed to stay. Still, I did find a wee job, menial and paying little enough my OH no longer felt threatened. He thought he’d cut off all escape routes. Then my Dad came through and helped me leave. Surprising because I hardly knew him other than to exchange Christmas cards, but my brother had spoken to him. So eldest would have been 8 first time I tried. Youngest was 4 when I left. He ended up with the best relationship with his dad because he wasn’t living there, only visits, getting spoiled lol…

When I bought my latest car, it showed 0 miles leaving the dealership. I had 4 miles to go to the petrol station…made it, too. So I really was ticked off I’d given them nearly half a tank of fuel with the trade in 🤣

Don't see it as people getting angry with you. I think it is more people being angry for you. From the outside, these situations are clearly highly toxic, but maybe when you are living it, it becomes your normality. Every LTB, is a post in support of you, not a post getting at you.

Haha you won't make that mistake again!

You got that right !

I never fill mine til the light comes on… what’s the point in doing an annoying job when it doesn’t even need to be done?

I regularly run mine to zero miles. I've never actually run out.

Anything under about 20 miles left and I feel like I'm filling up before I need to and so will need to fill up more often!

I said YABU but inly because I know how inaccurate mine gets around the 100m mark. If I’m around my home area, I’ll happily go to 50 miles then refill, anywhere else and I’d probably stop before I got to 60.

In 'practice' however, since he's just doing it to give you a ration of shit, he's an asshole and you need to get your duckies in a row.

Maybe he knows that if his wife's totally pointless game of Russian roulette goes wrong and she runs out of petrol she will be calling him to come out and 'rescue' her with a spare can!
What's the point of running on fumes, it's not like putting an extra sweater on to save on the heating, it doesn't save money unless you're taking the car to be traded in, we did once almost have to push the car onto the garage forecourt!

I wasn’t running on fumes.

im not doing it to play any games

40 is 2 bars on my car! Anything under like 15 is squeaky bum time

It wasn’t fumes, it was 40 miles and she finished her journey 1 mile from the petrol station .

I'm just going to ask you this outright - does he hit you? I ask out of concern and apologise if I've offended you.

Thanks @WhosPink
I was catching up on various threads & thinking do these people have pickup pipes in their tanks that slowly move down with the fuel till its at the bottom?
Of course not the pickup pipe is at the lowest point in the tank so no matter how much fuel is in there any crap will get picked up first and as you say get filtered out. I think the posters who have been told about all this corrosion in their tanks must be driving 1970's or older cars 😅
Anyway the OP has a husband who is a knob and he needs a swift kick in the nuts.

It’s okay, no he hasn’t hit me but he has been physically abusive but not to that extent.

So what physical abuse have you endured?

It's still physical, it's still abuse.

I don’t like mine to go below a half tank! Old hangover of being told it was bad to run it down to near empty so I got over cautious and it became habit. There’s a satisfying comfort in knowing it’s full or near full for whatever may arise.

Run away now. My DH would not dare question me about my car. Its none of his business. I drive mine, he drives his. We respect each other. You calling him a controlling dickhead unfortunately tells that your marriage is over. Run now .

Thanks, tbh it is ‘his car’ that I did it on.

Run now is a good point but I have small children. I’ve also made a thread this week about being unplanned pregnant with baby 3 and he wants me to terminate and I haven’t yet.

I rarely fill mine until it gets to 20 miles or less as that’s when the light comes on, and my closest petrol station is about 8 miles away!

Only exception is if I’m going into the mountains in winter. I will always start with a full tank as it’s a 150 mile journey and we get a lot of snow so I don’t want to run out in a blizzard!

Is there someone you can confide in in real life? Or can you get some counselling? He sounds appalling. It doesn't sound like he has any care for you. xxx

I regularly run down to 0 miles in the tank and know I've still got a bit of residual in the tank. If you do it often enough you know what you can get away with 😉

That said, your question isn't really about the petrol.per se, it's about the way your partner treats you which isn't good and isn't right. Children or not, do them and you a favour and get out of what sounds like an abusive and unsafe situation.

Oh dear. That’s a choice only you can make.
Also re running. I know it’s difficult with children. You do have to consider how your children are going to view what’s normal in a marriage when they grow up. Sadly, those who grow up in abusive environments can go on to be abusive, because it’s been normalised for them. Or else, they accept abusive relationships because it’s been normalised for them.
If you have family that can help you, I’d think about it. Sooner rather than later. It’s not just about putting up with crap because it’s easier for you. what’s better for the children? Only you can really answer that since you’re living there.

2 of mine refused to be parents. The eldest won’t even live with anyone.

The last one has a child but is separated from his wife.
I blame myself for not getting out sooner for the first two.

I don’t have family who can support other than be kind to me from the end of a phone.

What age were yours when you left? How much bad stuff did they see??

Pity. I didn’t either or I’d have left when the eldest was 6 months old, when the day came I Knew without a shadow of doubt, I’d made a mistake.
I left with a 14 yr old and a 4yr old. The eldest had gone to sea by then. He’d almost come to blows with his Dad and was only stopped by his grandfather. His Dad had threatened him first but the boy was bigger and stronger by then so wasn’t backing down. The boys were ok till they hit puberty, then it was the old bull trying to stay on top of the young ones. They saw the way he treated me, the way he talked to me, bossed me about, ordered me around made me work all the time he was working then do the housework etc on my own while he had his feet up .they even started calling me ‘Woman’ instead of Mum lol. But he had also begun to turn on them, calling them useless, unemployable by anyone else, so they had to work at what he wanted them to. He just had to be superior. Even though he wasn’t.

The youngest aged 3 at the time, saw him drag me by the hair. Or push me against a wall with his hand round my throat. He wasn’t always that bad. It was purely verbal for years, then escalated. He just hated anything he thought was disrespectful and I was only allowed to say ‘yes, dear’ in company. Ie speak when spoken to. Anything else was disrespecting him. I could not do right for doing wrong.