Dd has a unfulfilling social life. Any advice?

[PinkChaires]

Well,dd is doing quite well, but ever since she started shes been feeling a bit unfulfilled in her social life. The college is massive so everyone already has their own friendship groups , and thankfully she has two friends come with her as well. However, one already has two closer friends from their high school
(One goes to the college and the other doesn't) and the other she feels she's outgrowing. Tbf shes done quite well, she got dropped from her entire friendship groups at the end of y10 so only became friends in y11. The area we live in and the school she went to had a very high proportion of muslims and so it wasn't the norm to go out etc. Its only the end of the first term, so she may well meet new people. Any advice? Getting a job isnt really an option

Does she have any interests or hobbies? Are there any groups at college? Has she tried meetup.com?

Any hobbies or clubs in or out of school?

I really struggled to find ‘my people’ when I started university. I was really out my depth, everyone seemed to know someone and people had no issue saying fancy going to x for lunch. If it was said in a group and not a specific invite to me I didn’t feel I could go. I did eventually fall into my own group but would say it took to nearer November/December tome during a group project. Meeting people from class on the bus there, meeting them in the library, being put in groups for tasks all helped especially as my confidence grew in the routine. After that it all came very naturally and I ended up loving it and had some great fun with them! Its early days and such a different set up from school, I don’t think anything can really prepare you. I think if you naturally have an outgoing personality it is easier though. I’m sure it will come for your dd and it’s lovely that she has you there to support her through it all.

Surely that's her decision??

My friends at college were a mixture of High school friends and those that I went to extra curricular with, I didn't share courses with most of them.

Theres a lot of groups but all the ones she's interested in clash with timetable

No unfortunately she doesn't know where to start with them

It's normal for this age for friends to shift. There's a big change in kids as they mature at different rates and start to look at opportunities elsewhere beyond school.

It's a tough age and tbh I think the best advice is to say, focus on study because having an unsatisfied social life at that age isn't a big deal and possibly a blessing because no distractions. It's hard because you think the rest of the world is out having fun and partying (spoiler: they are not).

Hang in for the end of school/college and going to uni/getting a job. It is completely different.

I think 16 - 18 sucks a lot tbh.

I think the main problem is that everyone has a group and has stuck to it (including her i guess) so there isnt much opportunity. Its a sixth form college, and she actually says its rather like school

Is this 6th form college or higher education?

Unfortunately it’s a question of numbers. If she makes an effort to meet as many people as possible with shared interests she will very likely begin to make friends and start socialising outside of college.

Sports are particularly good for this or drama. If she’s outdoorsy try hiking clubs, if she’s into art do a class related to that. Also practice at home the art of striking up conversations and general social skills. It’s tough but a massively useful life skill.

Shes panicking slightly i think because whilst yes she did used to have a solid friendship group from y6-y10 she rarely saw them outside of school due to covid/ the norms of school/strict parents. So she thought sixth form may be different but its not looking likely (although it is only the 2nd month!)

Drip feeds sorry! She did used to go to mosque for 10+ years but aged out so now doesn't know what to do with her evenings

She needs to pick up a sport, craft or other group or volunteering then, helping out at Brownies etc if she can't work.

The college will have enrichment groups and DoE etc she needs to get involved, friends aren't going to fall in her lap.

Focus on outside of school. Dance, gym, choir, drama, chess whatever she is vaguely interested in. It’s a good life lesson too for if she goes to uni or moves for a job. You have to find your people with shared interests and not just the ones randomly alongside you at school/work

I don't understand the problem or the panic. You build friendships by meeting people. Therefore she needs to look online and find groups she can join. For example, a hiking group, book club, film club, a sport, history society, board games, art class, fresh water swimming, chess club etc

If there are loads of groups at college then she should join a few, even if they're not her first choice, in order to meet people.

My son is at college he's had the same group of friends since year seven but met others since starting college too, they go out now and then but mainly socialise,on line together.

Yes, i guess she needs a hobby. It seems like most of them are for younger ages or for adults. Any for her age you must either have previous experience/ play at a higher level than beginner /not just for fun.

A sorry my bad, I’m in scotland so college is further education here! As long as she has people to talk to and as others suggest try and get into a hobby or youth club. Done enough she will be moving on to higher education and meet people with similar interests.

One of the best pieces of advise I was given when starting University is make a point of saying hello and chatting with the people that are sitting next to you. Even if it is just to comment on the weather. I made most of my friends in University that way.

There will be societies and hobby clubs in college. It's always awkward being the new kid and joining, but most will welcome her. Computer club, chess, book club, debating, charity groups, Duke of Edinburgh, hiking, an individual sport like cross country running, volunteer groups. I volunteered in a charity shop at that age which was really good for me. I got used to talking to and working with adults from all backgrounds and it was no pressure to do extra shifts or work through exams compared to a paid job.

Well not really.
There are LOADS of things to do - but it will depend on her interests, skill levels.

Lots of sports teams looking for players if that is her thing.
So many organisations would welcome her volunteering ( I don't know the details of all organisation obviously, but Guides and Scouts have Young Leader schemes for people under 18).
Joining something as a young person - cadets, St John's, Explorers, Rangers etc.

Why do you say she couldn't get a job ? So beneficial for so many reasons.